Friends of Bill W.

[Soft*Silver]

as I was pulling up the incredible amount of weeds that popped up since my back problem and the trip to the ER, it dawned on me that I was carrying a load of resentments. So as I pulled the weeds out, I was working on my resentment..how? By praying for the people I resent. I dont want to add fuel to the fire by adding madness and hurt to the problems, nor do I want my soil to fester with it either. Afterwards, as sweat rolled off me I watered everything a damn good drench to wash away the lingering and nourish the good I put in there..and in me...[/

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by softness

as I was pulling up the incredible amount of weeds that popped up since my back problem and the trip to the ER, it dawned on me that I was carrying a load of resentments. So as I pulled the weeds out, I was working on my resentment..how? By praying for the people I resent. I dont want to add fuel to the fire by adding madness and hurt to the problems, nor do I want my soil to fester with it either. Afterwards, as sweat rolled off me I watered everything a damn good drench to wash away the lingering and nourish the good I put in there..and in me...[/

Wow softness. Thank you for the post. It makes sense, and is a great visual. i think I need to weed tomorrow.

[deeperstill]

my ex. she is my friend and my former beloved. she is deep deep in denial and i swear it is breaking my heart. every time i think she has come to that place of understanding/that place where she finally sees, she says or does something to remind me that in fact she does not see. it comes in waves, this pain and anger and frustration and need to save her. i must not intervene again. this is my mantra for today.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by deeperstill

my ex. she is my friend and my former beloved. she is deep deep in denial and i swear it is breaking my heart. every time i think she has come to that place of understanding/that place where she finally sees, she says or does something to remind me that in fact she does not see. it comes in waves, this pain and anger and frustration and need to save her. i must not intervene again. this is my mantra for today.

I believe that powerlessness is often the biggest thing in the world, or at least it feels that way to me some-days.........good luck with letting go. It's a great gift when you can give it.

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 19



Rings of Color against Butterflies



Resistance I can accomplish directly; impedance requires magnetism from an alternating world. I can drag my heels and live life in a sandpaper shack making everything a chore, but what it takes to throw furniture in the path of progress, slamming doors and turning off the lights that is more than I can do on my own. This takes the cooperation of my disease and me, the monkey-hoop, which is effort and clever repartee. Look how well we do it, too. Distracting possibilities, staving off humanity and the humane, may not sound like much, but it takes up our whole day; goodness is such a persistent little grub. It takes a concerted effort to prevent it from chrysalis and failing that, still more determination to make sure it doesn’t fly.




Listen to music the way you walk through a garden

*


2 CHAIRS

Math is the language which moves
Closest to the speed of my brain.
The language of recovery slows my thinking
So I am more than numbers and clicks.

I need not race my mind in an effort to win.
I am my prize.
The victory is mine if I can embrace who I am.

I can use numbers to figure whether I am more or less
But owning who I am must be given
To the talk of the soul and heart.

My nashamah is not an astral projection
To be theorized but the seat of my emotions.
The only way to discover myself
Is through deep and loving conversation
So I had best pull up two chairs.

[deeperstill]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

I believe that powerlessness is often the biggest thing in the world, or at least it feels that way to me some-days.........good luck with letting go. It's a great gift when you can give it.

Thank you LWF. I will keep that thought uppermost in my mind tonight.

[Soft*Silver]

Today as I was sitting in my lawn chair and watering my garden, I was fussing over how many weeds I missed. Some over there..some there..one right in front of me...and you all know those weeds were symbolic of my resentments...so it was really nagging at me that I had missed so many of them...

until..I dont know what caused me to look up...but I did.

Instead of looking down, I looked up...

and saw that one of my suflowers had finally bloomed...

its not enough to just see part of your "inventory"

sometimes you need to see all of it...

or the best of it instead of the harshness of it...

if we always look in one direction, we will never see the sunflowers...

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 20


Taking the Field



Humor is an illustration; a joke an explanation. I learn far more from the smiles than the jeers. Laughter carries me; an action, which tears can’t always accomplish. It is hard to live with constant descent, but wit is a quick impassioned friend. Thoughtless conformity is an evil companion I prefer the company of those who play. Life is too hard from the sidelines; I would rather take the field.



Find a pit crew before you crash

*

DEFINITIONS

I am close to my Higher Power
But I have no words to describe It.
I have found it best to say nothing unless asked.

When I do speak it is always the path I took
Or the way I held my face.
I know the things, which changed
And the wind, which blew.

This is not the sketch most people seek.
My skin is brown and my smile broad.
This is not from over exposure to beams of light.

Closeness warms me, I glow from standing near.
I know the face and form is different for everyday
I must not stop for definitions.