Grieving

[little man]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

Little Man,

I had a niece who was stillborn on Christmas Day of last year, I still have not come to terms with it along with her mother, who is my best friend. I have visited her grave maybe once over a year, I do not get closure because I didn't get to formally say goodbye or even hold her, so I am still angry. My godmother passed away in June of 2008 and I was there for the funeral only, I still haven't come to terms with this either. I am not one who deals well with death, I may visit to talk to them and let them know I am sorry but the visiting mainly hashes up old feelings that I know I am not ready to cope with yet.

I saw the picture of your mom and you on the gallery, it broke my heart to know she had passed, the photo shows how much love y'all had for each other.

I do know in due time it does get easier and I pray you can find your answers from within in due time.

i was with my mom when she passed. all of us kids were. we had opportunity to talk with her beforehand, to say whatever needed to be said. i was able to hug her one last time, kiss her head when she was gone. i did see her at the funeral home when we took up flowers and pictures and her artwork. nothing. she wasn't there. i felt the same when i stopped off at the cemetery, nothing...she wasn't there.

i feel her more acutely when i'm driving, when i come home from work and she's not sitting at the table waiting for me. the house doesn't feel quite right without her here, but i suppose i'll get used to that eventually.

my family has always been a funeral-going, cemetery-visiting bunch. i just don't feel any connection at the cemetery. because of the way i was raised, i feel a little bad about not going up there. i don't see the point in being there, if she's not there and i can't even feel her there. jeez, i'm babbling, i think.

i think i'm just trying to find my own way to grieve this and still maintain some sort of spiritual connection to her. i think it may well come in the form of taking care of her roses and keeping her garden beds up. when i apply myself to the things she loved, i definitely feel connected and a part of her.

just trying to sort through this and be ok with what works for me.

thanks for sharing. much appreciated.