Stone Butches

[waxnrope]

These postings distress me. While I care for Mr. Bent and Bit, they are unaware of the esteem which I, and likely others, hold them. Bent's penetrating comments and quick observations. Bits compassion and understanding and support of butches.

Perhaps my discomfort arises from my own stuff, my state of mind because of grief. I don't know, but I want you both to know that this disagreement disturbs me, and I wish that you would work it out between you. I do really care for you both. You are each important to me and, IMO, to this community, in your own way.

[Legendryder]

I see it not so much as an argument, but a lively discussion. Which is good. As long as the gloves stay on and all parties are respectful, go for it. Keep it flame free and others may just learn something they did not know. My .02.

[waxnrope]

I've not said a thing about an argument, Legend.
The tone. Bent's decision to NOT engage further... a mixed bag of things, not all relative to the word word argue, which is WHY I chose to not use the word.

[Legendryder]

My word choice. I am sorry to have put it that way. Lively discussion perhaps? lol All I know is I have my opinion, you have yours, they have thiers. And it is a good thing. As long as the flame is kept away. It is all a good thing.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by waxnrope

These postings distress me. While I care for Mr. Bent and Bit, they are unaware of the esteem which I, and likely others, hold them. Bent's penetrating comments and quick observations. Bits compassion and understanding and support of butches.

Perhaps my discomfort arises from my own stuff, my state of mind because of grief. I don't know, but I want you both to know that this disagreement disturbs me, and I wish that you would work it out between you. I do really care for you both. You are each important to me and, IMO, to this community, in your own way.

Wax, I also appreciate very much what you said here. I will continue to post, should something inspire me to comment (as sassy's post did) and have filed the preceding under "Agree to Disagree" and am done commenting, as I see no viable resolution.

I appreciate your spirit of inclusiveness and your willingness to be honest about your feelings here.

[Legendryder]

I too agree with what was said. I have learned a lot from just sitting back and reading things posted. I suck at wording things sometimes, too plain spoken I suppose. I do so appreciate the opportunity to see other's points of view. It gives me the opportunity to step back and think about a different perception. That is so good for me. There are many people here that are much smarter about things than I am and having the opportunity to learn from them is such a blessing.

[asphaltcowboi]

Originally Posted by Legendryder

I too agree with what was said. I have learned a lot from just sitting back and reading things posted. I suck at wording things sometimes, too plain spoken I suppose. I do so appreciate the opportunity to see other's points of view. It gives me the opportunity to step back and think about a different perception. That is so good for me. There are many people here that are much smarter about things than I am and having the opportunity to learn from them is such a blessing.

i also suck at wording things and alot of what i post is taken out of context often i chose not to post because i know it will be torn apart and just cause ill feelings.i learn alot from just reading also. but i have to disagree on the smarter part i think it more of having walked a diffrent walk then smarter or not.
i do always try to remember not to judge a book by its cover. it whats inside that makes it a best seller!

[Legendryder]

True. Not to make it sound like I think I am stupid. But, I am uneducated about a great many things. But, that is becomming a thing of the past as well. I have almost finished my AA in Business, loving that btw. But, I am also taking the time to learn about my own experiences and how I have been shaped by them. Good or bad. Introspective, retrospective, whatever. It has been a freeing experience especially in my inner view. While I still have fits of anger, lash out sometimes and express my "toolness", I do see marked improvement. Nothing at all wrong with that.

[Nightshade]

Originally Posted by cody

i also suck at wording things and alot of what i post is taken out of context often i chose not to post because i know it will be torn apart and just cause ill feelings.

I often feel the same way. Or fear that it will be so. Especially if I'm speaking from my heart or about something I'm passionate about. There are lots of times when I realize after the fact that I could have said something better, more succinctly, but I have to hope that the readers will know my intent.

[Legendryder]

OMG. Bob is dreaming. He is barking in his sleep. Wiggling around too. Punk ass.

Anyhow, I cannot tell you how much I hate the fact that discussing things online can lead to hurting someone without meaning to. Tone or what you THINK is someone's tone is totally subjective. I hate the fact that you cannot see a person's eyes when you are speaking with them. It is a difficult thing to deal with sometimes. We have all had occasion to be offended by someone. They may or may not have meant anything by what was written. For me it is all about how much coffee I have in my tank that many times is the catalyst of if I feel hurt by something. rofl Not enough and I am just pissed. There, I've said it. I am ruled by the bean.

[chrisbutch]

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

[Miss Scarlett]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

Speaking for myself only...I prefer to learn this when I am first getting to know someone because it's a big part of who they are. But again, that's just me.

[stonebutchinpa]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

I like to tell woman I am dating right up front, because being with a stone isn't for everyone.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by stonebutchinpa

I like to tell woman I am dating right up front, because being with a stone isn't for everyone.

I date butches. I never assume anything when it comes to sex. Honestly sweetie in my 20 years dating butches none of them came and told me how they wanted to be touched. I always ask when I feel we are moving in that direction.

You're a cutie! How did I miss you and just a state away! Should you ever want to interact with an older woman I hope you'll look me up.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

I prefer this conversation when its about to get intimate as far as connected chemistry goes. I would not have it just meeting someone. In fact I'm put off, turned off when a new interaction, getting to know someone becomes too sexual. If I'm interested, feelings mutual then before we proceed we do need that talk.

[chrisbutch]

Ok, all good advice thanks! But surely, now call me old fashioned, people should get to know each other slowly, and let things develope. Sexual preferences are not what early dating conversation should be about??

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

Personally, at first I don't say anything while we're in the "friends" stage but if things seem to start going further than just the "friends" stage, I'm upfront with them right away about being Stone (and answer any questions about what Stone is) because that will help define the relationship since I only go out with Stone Butches

[diamondrose]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

Personally, at first I don't say anything while we're in the "friends" stage but if things seem to start going further than just the "friends" stage, I'm upfront with them right away about being Stone (and answer any questions about what Stone is) because that will help define the relationship since I only go out with Stone Butches

I agree completly

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

I beleive it should be shared once you know the relatiosnhip is heading to a level of romance and sex.


Vanilla, It feels derogatory, yet it is nearly universally understood ..

I agree the tern Vanilla has always sound derogatory to me.. I am stone and consider myself exciting with over flowing passion not afraid to express myself. Vanilla sounds borrowing and limited. but I guess not being part of the BDSM community I would be called Vanilla.

[Converse]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

In the real world there are many types of “engagements” we can have. There are those that involve an unplanned flirtation that leads to a mutually rewarding though relatively brief physical encounter- where having a discussion concerning the intricacies of stone would be as inappropriate as exchanging phone numbers.

In the same vein, if someone had a regularly planned “date” where the relationship didn’t exist outside of the designated time and place, again the need to discuss stone may be considered a poor use of the allotted time.

Both of these examples assume that the stone is also a Top, or Dominant in some way and is “leading’ the encounter, if this is not the case then I would presume that the stone would need to be very explicit before anything physical occurred.

However, as both a Dom and a Top, I personally believe that in situations other than the two just given that stone needs to enter the conversation earlier rather than later.

Perhaps I am unique in my thinking but as a stone, when in a committed and monogamous relationship, concern is always “am I depriving her of something that she will eventually need/want?” so before heading even close to that direction I need to have the discussion, I need to know whether I’m simply being accommodated or whether it is actually her preference.