For the T-Femmes and SOFFAs...

[julieisafemme]

Originally Posted by Bit

Nobody has the right to label you, Julie. If "Transensual" doesn't fit you, then you aren't ever obligated to use it. You are the only one who has the right to choose a label--or to not choose a label. What business do other people have being offended by your identity?



One can assume that anyone who is attracted to a Transman is merely fetishizing him. Let's see how that works out.

Me: Wow, you really turn me on!
Him: If I turn you on, then you are just fetishizing me, which makes you incomplete as a human being.

Can you see the problem here? Can you see that the Transman in this reaction is focusing solely on sex, as if I were nothing more than a set of genitals? Can you see his self-hatred in the assumption that he could not POSSIBLY attract anyone who was MORE than a set of genitals?

I don't think Transmen are that shallow, nor do I believe they are full of self-hatred. I believe that if I say to a Transman, "Wow, you really turn me on!" he's going to understand that my intellect, my emotions, and my sexuality are all engaged, just as they would be with anyone else who turned me on--and I would hope that, whether he returned the sentiments or not, he would at least understand that I was paying him a high compliment.



{{{{{{{{{{{{{Drew}}}}}}}}}}}} Thank you for getting it and also for your willingness to say so!

I understand what you are saying. The thing is there were a lot of people in this one workshop who *did* feel fetishized. They were pretty upset about it and it was a painful thing for them. It was hard for me to hear and I did not feel there was a place for me as a partner to express what it is about my partner that I love that is part of his trans experience. Because that is part of who he is and it part of why I love him.

In my experience transmen are so often reduced to genitals by many people who so desperately want to know what is in their pants and how do they use it. Simply telling a straight person that I am partnered with a transman immediately means that I am telling them all about my sex life. I was shocked by this reaction. It never occurred to me that this would be the case. To me that feels fetishizing and exoticizing (if that is a word) of transmen. It seems like it takes people, the straight people in my life, a long time to get past what bits someone has.