So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[Sassy]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizzy

I hate to put a label on myself but I use to say I was Bi.I was always curious about other girls growing up but also attracted to men.I got married and had two children but was never truly happy.Eventually we divorced and I met someone who identified as a butch lesbian.After dating for three years she decided that she/he was actually transgender.I was fine with this and tried to be supportive as I could but was always screwing up w-the pro-nouns.Eventually she began an emotional affair online that crossed over into realtime.This woman really fed into her/his trans identity as it was the only way she knew her/him.I actually found out about the affair and left the relationship and began to date a man.I quickly realized biological men can just be gross.There were so many things about being with someone who was raised as a female. So whether its a butch or ftm I prefer them over bio men.I got back together w-her/him only to continously catch this person lying.Now I am taking time for me and when I meet the right person it wont matter their sex as much as their integrity.

I've enjoyed this thread. And found this particular entry very helpful to me.
((And yes, BioMen are just gross. ))
Thank you!

[GinaSofia]

Sassy & Ms. Lizzy:

Please quit being so fucking ignorant & do not label all bio-males as "gross".
The father who raised me was anything but gross & I find your statement disgusting & insulting(not to mention strengthening to a ridiculous lesbian stereotype).GAWD!

[Soft*Silver]

my submissive was born male and while yearning to transition MtF, he is still male bodied and is NOT gross.

I have been with gross bio men but then I have been with gross females and gross butches and gross FtMs. Gross is a lifestyle not a gender....

I am not bi because Bi is two. To me I have been with way more than two genders. I am attracted to people not genders.

I love me my masculinized energy in whatever body form it comes in but as of late, I have also been hungry for femme energy. I get both in the submissive I have.

[Starbuck]

This is a very interesting thread and I thank you, Merrick, for starting it. I too have been married, twice. The first one was horrible, to an abusive man. Out of that marriage came a son that is now 19 years old. For a long while after getting away from him I was asexual; I was simply just not interested in anyone, neither physically nor emotionally. For years I suffered battle scars and nightmares that made it hard for me to trust again, much less let anyone close.

Fast forward five years and I got married again to a great man. Up to that point I still considered myself heterosexual. But 7 years into my marriage I began to fall apart. I was no longer interested in sex, AT ALL (!) with my husband, I didnt even want him to touch me. It wasn't until three years later that I found the answer that I was looking for: a woman. We connected immediately. Not sexually, but on an emotional realm that I'd completely lost with my husband. I felt human again. I cannot explain the vibrant life she returned to me. I feel like she coaxed a caged bird to fly!

Now comes the interesting part of the story. She's been my gf for over a year now. She's married, IDs as bi and yes, I'm still married, but I'm not sure if I'm bi or if I'm leaning more to the lesbian side because even though I do still have sex with my husband (on the rarest of occasion) I have to think about her to get me in the mood. I know you all are wondering why are you still married?! Right? Well, right now it works for us and I get to see my gf and go on trips with her every so often. If I had my way, I'd be married to her helping to raise her kids but she won't leave her husband. So, such is life. On a positive note, the only other people we are allowed to sleep with is our husband, no other women, we are in a committed relationship to one another.

[Toughy]

Starbuck....

do both your husbands know about the relationship you and your g/f are having?

[*Anya*]

The Kinsey Scale ranges from one exclusively homosexual on one end, exclusively hetero on the other, bisexual in the middle and gradiations on either side of bi.

When I was 18, I was exclusively hetero in practice but fantasizing about women. By the time I was 20, I was having sex with both. By the time I was 29, exclusively homosexual.

I never, ever could connect emotionally with bio men the way I do with women. I am not able to have sex with anyone without an emotional connection, ergo- pigs would probably be flying around the moon before I would ever have a sexual relationship OR a deeply emotional relationship with another bio man.

I do not dislike bio men at all. Some are my very good friends. My two brothers are very good men. Not being sexually attracted to them is just me.

Do I believe sexuality can be fluid? Yes, I do. For me? Not any more. My sexual orientation is firmly fixed on the homosexual side of the Kinsey Scale. I am a woman-identified lesbian, sexually attracted to woman-identified butch women.

Do I judge those on any part of the continum?

Never.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Starbuck....

do both your husbands know about the relationship you and your g/f are having?

Back in the day...<cough>... pretty much everyone was on AOL and the message boards through them. The lesbian board was crappy, so I checked out the bi board. Bright, intelligent women! They were cool with me being on there, too. One woman is still a good friend of mine (online..she lives in Utah), but I haven't talked with her in a while.

A lot of the women on this particular board were married and out to their husbands and dated women.

I got together with this one female couple who lived about an hour or so from me. They had gotten together at work. One was actually the others' boss. They have now been together, geez, it has to at least be 15 years. They were both still married and both loved their husbands. Both of their husbands knew and after a period of time were supportive of their relationship (and the women are supportive of each others' relationship with their husband). Periodically, the families would get together.

The other woman (the Utah one), had a similar thing going on (but with a single lesbian). They lived in two different states, but actually had a business together. That one didn't end too well (the single lesbian kind of screwed my friend over). After that relationship, my friend's husband requested she only seek out lovers and no longer have "relationships" with women, as he really struggled with her loving someone else. My friend has been ok with this so far and has been fortunate to find a lover she enjoys in bed, but not so much out of bed...so it works!

For all three of the above women, they have talked about how they really need both sexes in their lives to feel fulfilled.

However, I have also spoken to other bisexual women that say they can be completely fulfilled committed to only one person. I do believe this to be true.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Isadora

I think it is about sex. That is why it is called bi-sexual.

Hi, Isa! <3

I am curious if being gay is strictly about sex also? After all, they do call it homosexual. Ditto for straight people, they call it heterosexual.

[Elijah]

Really interesting topic.

I have never ID'ed as Bi because I have never had any doubt about where My attractions lie, but I have dated several people who have ID'ed as such.

For Me, it always made sense that someone who was attracted to masculinity, and who were very self aware and open to connections with all kinds of people, without regard to what is between their legs, may have some overlap.

I think being bisexual has nothing to do with you ability to be fidelitous (if that's what you seek).

I think our own fears as a community have driven some very hurtful and frankly untrue biases about bisexuals.

That's why I am happy and proud to ID as queer, because in general, I think the queer community is much more open to ID's that don't fit into easy little packages, that serve to quell our fears.

As an aside, I think it is important to remember that we can find bad behaviors and personality traits in any group of individuals.

~Elijah

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Starbuck....

do both your husbands know about the relationship you and your g/f are having?

Hi Toughy, while I am out to my husband, he does not know about my gf, or at least I don't think he does. I have a house mate who says she thinks he does know but just isn't saying anything. And my girlfriend's husband does not know either. Now the interesting part is that I can visit her house and interact with her as a friend while in front of her husband, and as a friend with her husband as well, I like him a lot. I'd never do anything to break their marriage apart because they are happy (I just fill a void he can't ). They invite my husband and I over for parties and football games and such and no one is the wiser. Why? Because my gf is a friend with my husband (they work in the same building) and I'm a friend with her hubby and we're all Army veterans. We all have that in common so the men see that as our first commonality. I hope that answered your question. .

[The_Lady_Snow]

Are you all practicing safe sex???? That's one helluva interaction you got going Starbuck good luck!

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

This is a very interesting thread and I thank you, Merrick, for starting it. I too have been married, twice. The first one was horrible, to an abusive man. Out of that marriage came a son that is now 19 years old. For a long while after getting away from him I was asexual; I was simply just not interested in anyone, neither physically nor emotionally. For years I suffered battle scars and nightmares that made it hard for me to trust again, much less let anyone close.

Fast forward five years and I got married again to a great man. Up to that point I still considered myself heterosexual. But 7 years into my marriage I began to fall apart. I was no longer interested in sex, AT ALL (!) with my husband, I didnt even want him to touch me. It wasn't until three years later that I found the answer that I was looking for: a woman. We connected immediately. Not sexually, but on an emotional realm that I'd completely lost with my husband. I felt human again. I cannot explain the vibrant life she returned to me. I feel like she coaxed a caged bird to fly!

Now comes the interesting part of the story. She's been my gf for over a year now. She's married, IDs as bi and yes, I'm still married, but I'm not sure if I'm bi or if I'm leaning more to the lesbian side because even though I do still have sex with my husband (on the rarest of occasion) I have to think about her to get me in the mood. I know you all are wondering why are you still married?! Right? Well, right now it works for us and I get to see my gf and go on trips with her every so often. If I had my way, I'd be married to her helping to raise her kids but she won't leave her husband. So, such is life. On a positive note, the only other people we are allowed to sleep with is our husband, no other women, we are in a committed relationship to one another.

Star... I say good for you! Who are we to judge you and your situation. Not that I think anyone is outwardly. Let the bird fly and soar. You and only you know what is good for you in all this. I've had many friends is situations such as yours. I was there for support. However I tried to talk a couple out of divorce, because the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I have one friend that is married to a man and has an open relationship with a lesbian, now her gf. They all 3 go out together and come to parties with my friends and everyone has excepted their life choices. It works for them, so do what is working for you!

You are very brave to come forward and out to everyone here such as you have. I commend you for being so forth coming!!

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Are you all practicing safe sex???? That's one helluva interaction you got going Starbuck good luck!

Hi Snow, my gf has been married to her hubby for 15 years and faithful (up till now ). I've been married 12 years and faithful (up till now ). After much discussion and some safe sex, we are now fluid bonded, as we are with our husbands.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

Hi Snow, my gf has been married to her hubby for 15 years and faithful (up till now ). I've been married 12 years and faithful (up till now ). After much discussion and some safe sex, we are now fluid bonded, as we are with our husbands.

That's awesome, I just have to bring up that there is a possibility that someone's hubby may be getting a lil something something too, I mean if they don't know about ya'll how do ya'll know about what they got going on? I'm not saying there is, or they are the possibility is there.

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

That's awesome, I just have to bring up that there is a possibility that someone's hubby may be getting a lil something something too, I mean if they don't know about ya'll how do ya'll know about what they got going on? I'm not saying there is, or they are the possibility is there.

We are so lucky, Snow. Of all the men in the world, these two are the ones who will never cheat! I even told mine once that it wasn't fair that I was holding out on him that if he felt the need to find someone else that I would understand. You know what his response was? "Nope, it'll never happen, I'm married to you.". And I truly believe him because his ex-wife cheated on him and left him for her "soul mate" and that really hurt him so I think he's really devoted to me. That's kinda why I'm still with him, I think. Now my gf's hubby is a strong Christian man and I don't think think he'd cheat based on that fact alone.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

We are so lucky, Snow. Of all the men in the world, these two are the ones who will never cheat! I even told mine once that it wasn't fair that I was holding out on him that if he felt the need to find someone else that I would understand. You know what his response was? "Nope, it'll never happen, I'm married to you.". And I truly believe him because his ex-wife cheated on him and left him for her "soul mate" and that really hurt him so I think he's really devoted to me. That's kinda why I'm still with him, I think. Now my gf's hubby is a strong Christian man and I don't think think he'd cheat based on that fact alone.

Phew.... Well shit, all I gotta say is mad props to you for putting your shit out there for us to read, you're living your life as you see you should be and it looks like you get to have straight priveledge AND you get to have a lil queer fun here and there! Good luck on all your relationships and thank you for sharing yourself with us

[sweetiefemme]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

We are so lucky, Snow. Of all the men in the world, these two are the ones who will never cheat! I even told mine once that it wasn't fair that I was holding out on him that if he felt the need to find someone else that I would understand. You know what his response was? "Nope, it'll never happen, I'm married to you.". And I truly believe him because his ex-wife cheated on him and left him for her "soul mate" and that really hurt him so I think he's really devoted to me. That's kinda why I'm still with him, I think. Now my gf's hubby is a strong Christian man and I don't think think he'd cheat based on that fact alone.

I am so glad you found what works for you, my only 'problem' is that I have been on the other end of a cheating partner and it devastated me. Not really here to judge, just my 2 cents.

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Phew.... Well shit, all I gotta say is mad props to you for putting your shit out there for us to read, you're living your life as you see you should be and it looks like you get to have straight priveledge AND you get to have a lil queer fun here and there! Good luck on all your relationships and thank you for sharing yourself with us

I don't know that I'd call it a priveledge, as I have to deal with him wanting sex when I don't. That's the worst part about the whole ordeal. My true leaning is toward my gf and I often times feel like my marriage is an arraingement so that I remain financially secure. I do enjoy our outings that we take, the motorcycle rides we go on, the activities we embark on that don't include sex are more enjoyable to me because I'd rather save myself for my gf, does that make sense? I thank you for talking with me and not judging me.

[princessbelle]

Starbuck,

I promise you i'm not judging either. But, what about when one of the husbands find out about the cheating. You know they will most surely tell the other one, and then ka-boom?

What happens next. I'm sure you have thought about this but just now reading your posts it is something that i immediately see as lighted tnt. I just worry about this situation somehow blowing up. With the close friendships in all of this, it will be a huge loss if it explodes.

Do you have any plans if that happens? Just an observation and maybe curious to know if you have a "plan b".

[Dominique]

my only comment/concern is this four lettered word called RAGE.