So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

We are so lucky, Snow. Of all the men in the world, these two are the ones who will never cheat! I even told mine once that it wasn't fair that I was holding out on him that if he felt the need to find someone else that I would understand. You know what his response was? "Nope, it'll never happen, I'm married to you.". And I truly believe him because his ex-wife cheated on him and left him for her "soul mate" and that really hurt him so I think he's really devoted to me. That's kinda why I'm still with him, I think. Now my gf's hubby is a strong Christian man and I don't think think he'd cheat based on that fact alone.

Phew.... Well shit, all I gotta say is mad props to you for putting your shit out there for us to read, you're living your life as you see you should be and it looks like you get to have straight priveledge AND you get to have a lil queer fun here and there! Good luck on all your relationships and thank you for sharing yourself with us

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Phew.... Well shit, all I gotta say is mad props to you for putting your shit out there for us to read, you're living your life as you see you should be and it looks like you get to have straight priveledge AND you get to have a lil queer fun here and there! Good luck on all your relationships and thank you for sharing yourself with us

I don't know that I'd call it a priveledge, as I have to deal with him wanting sex when I don't. That's the worst part about the whole ordeal. My true leaning is toward my gf and I often times feel like my marriage is an arraingement so that I remain financially secure. I do enjoy our outings that we take, the motorcycle rides we go on, the activities we embark on that don't include sex are more enjoyable to me because I'd rather save myself for my gf, does that make sense? I thank you for talking with me and not judging me.

[princessbelle]

Starbuck,

I promise you i'm not judging either. But, what about when one of the husbands find out about the cheating. You know they will most surely tell the other one, and then ka-boom?

What happens next. I'm sure you have thought about this but just now reading your posts it is something that i immediately see as lighted tnt. I just worry about this situation somehow blowing up. With the close friendships in all of this, it will be a huge loss if it explodes.

Do you have any plans if that happens? Just an observation and maybe curious to know if you have a "plan b".

[Dominique]

my only comment/concern is this four lettered word called RAGE.

[*Anya*]

As one that was cheated on, the pain of betrayal is so great when it all ruptures and trust me, it ruptures, sooner or later; is so great, that I struggle with it still. It wounds to the core.

When children are involved, the pain is even greater.

Sharing my own experience is not a judgment.

I lived it during my 19 years with her.

[Julie]

I am really struggling with this. I am so happy Starbuck that you were able to find love in your new girlfriend - but a part (okay a huge part) of me cannot understand the cheating and betrayal you are doing to a man who is committed to you. I would say the same thing to someone on this board who was cheating on their partner.

It's cheating. Bottom line, it is cheating. These men who you say are honorable men and love you - They deserve the same respect. I mean you say with such sureness, he would never cheat on you, because you are married. How does this not break your heart? Every time you touch your girlfriend, how does this act of cheating, not break your heart?

And in front of these two men, you carry on a charade.

The only thing which can come out of this is HURT. One day they will find out, and the hurt which will be felt will be great, and you will be the bearer of this hurt.

I am sorry if I have offended... You brought your relationship(s) to the forefront with an openness and in doing so, you are giving us an opportunity to respond. I am just sad by this. Nobody deserves to be betrayed.

Why can't you just be honest and leave them? Love for another and take the risk that loving takes. Or try and work out an open relationship - something, that involves some form of honesty.

Sorry... This whole thing really makes me very sad for those men.

Julie

[betenoire]

Cheating is selfish, cowardly, and cruel - no matter what the circumstances are.

[Dominique]

Originally Posted by Yellow band

my only comment/concern is this four lettered word called RAGE.

Hi Starbuck. My apologies for a drive by post. It was very brave of you to share such a personal secret with us.

The first Lesbian love of my life was a butch cop. Repeatidly, she would tell me, the prisons are full of people because of RAGE. And after reading your story, that is what came to my mind. Betrayals of trust push people over the edge. Please be careful. Certainly, it's your life to live. I'd venture to say almost all of us know how powerful the attraction between two women can be. Maybe try professional (neutral) counseling to help sort this out.

I truely wish you well.

[Gráinne]

I also agree it was very brave of you to share. And it's certainly your choice.

I too fell in love with a woman when I was married. She lived in a different city, but we had a sometimes physical and a very much emotional affair for over a year. Ultimately, it ended because I didn't want to hurt my husband, who was and is a good man and father. She had a partner with whom she was having problems, and I didn't want to be an escape. Both of us had to treat our partners with honor before getting involved with anyone else. That, to me, was keeping my vow.

But ask yourself this: if you know your husband's ex-wife cheated on him and destroyed him emotionally, how do you justify doing the same? Because it will come out in the wash, end two marriages, and hit like a sucker punch to two men. If you or your gf have minor children, they will be hurt-badly. It might seem like a foolproof arrangement, but divorce court is full of husbands who weren't quite as chumpy as their wives thought they were. And by her actions, your gf is showing that she can and will cheat.

I can't sit and judge because I have been there. But when it does blow up, it has the potential to be financially and emotionally devastating to at least four people.

[SecretAgentMa'am]

I was excited to see this thread yesterday, but ultimately had to walk away from the computer without posting to avoid saying something that would get me moderated. I'm very happy to see that I'm not the only one who isn't so much concerned with "not judging" people who are lying and cheating and seem proud of it.

I am bisexual, and I've spent my entire adult life fighting an uphill battle against negative stereotypes about bisexual people. Bisexuals can't be trusted, they're liars, they'll cheat on you, they're not capable of being faithful. And now, here's a thread about bisexuality, in which all of these negative stereotypes are being put on display as if it were perfectly normal, acceptable behavior.

Starbuck, others here may be concerned with not judging you, but I'm not one of those people. I am judging you. Lying and cheating are not okay. What you're both doing to your husbands is not okay. Liars lie, cheaters cheat, and the whole concept of the two of you being "faithful" while cheating on your respective husbands is laughable. I certainly don't appreciate the attempt to justify lying and cheating because there's bisexuality involved. Bisexual people are perfectly capable of monogamy, just like straight and gay people are. Being bisexual doesn't make cheating okay.

[Jett]

Wow, I talked up a storm here, my apoligies, but damn I apparent needed to rant.
I think some people find bisexual a stepping stone on the way to identifying as lesbian or gay... as to ease the climb... I on the other hand found the steps ended with bisexual. I've never identified as totally straight but I have previously identified as a lesbian, because shit, I must be, I'd been in a relationship with a woman for a decade and a half. It's only on my years long my path of searching for authentic self, retrospectively looking at my feelings of the my youth... honestly looking, untainted by learned prejudices, mass mentalities, have I admitted to something I'd criticized in the past. I enjoy the company and intimate companionship of both sexes fairly equally. If I were to find myself again single, (which as an aside I don't see as I'm happily coupled with a woman and have been for some time) I could in no way say that I would not be with a man, or a woman... I think I would be with whoever stole my heart and who loved me as I loved them regardless of whats between there legs. And it's been proven to me either sex is quite capable of attracting my attention.

I will say men have hurt me more, personally. I will also admit to having been raped, but having this happen to you doesn't change your sexual orientation. It doesn't mean all men are bad or evil, although it skewed my thinking and fucked me up for some time I was attracted to men and woman before it happened and am still even though I admit I've had to really work through some deeper issues with that. And to be fair some woman have fucked me up too...

All this said, never before has it been so difficult to come out about something as it has about being bisexual. I mean why subject oneself to the bullshit stereotypes, to the alienation from the gay community in which you've built love and lifelong friendships? The straight community can be just as bad... some seem to take it as meaning your a sex nymph. I mean YES I'm bisexual but no it does not mean I'm attracted to you... I'm in a monogamous relationship... then it's like NO I do not want a threesome... if I did find myself single again I realize most lesbians will not date me because I'm bisexual, and some men may not trust me, or worse think I'm a ticket to a peep show... like blah fuck it... why ever tell anyone as long as I live???

After the last national coming out day, and a LOT of thinking, I come out publicly only because of those exact stupid stereotypes. Cause it really pisses me off to have anyone think I'm "confused" or "straddling a fence for the fun of it" or that I'm "more likely to cheat". I will speak out and claim it proudly because I have PRIDE, I want to truth about it all to be visible, and that forces me to make myself visible in hopes of educating people as to what bisexuality is and what bisexuality is not. Last I come out because I have faith in people, I have faith in my friends, and if someday someone doesn't want to be with me just because I'm bisexual I don't want to be with them either, because frankly they are utterly stupid...