A straight girl enters the queer world...

[stepfordfemme]

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

Also, a bit off-topic, but it's been briefly discussed in this thread the experiences of queer and/or lesbian women in relationships with transguys and the struggles they might go through. That's something that interests me, because often (at least, I've found) the struggle is maintaining a queer and/or lesbian identity while dating a transguy. The assumption is, then, that the transguy may very well identify as straight and what, then, of the queer and/or lesbian identity of a partner and her identity? I feel like for me, personally, that is a struggle I share to some extent even as a transguy/male-identified butch. How do you remain a transguy who identifies as queer who is into queer women, who doesn't identify as bi or pan, and still remain visibly queer and trans? Especially in a psychiatric-influenced trans community that still thinks that being a transguy who is into women while identifying as queer somehow is a denial of maleness or an admittance of femaleness. Maintaining visibility (and in the context of relationships) is definitely something that has concerned me and other transguys I know. I think that some transguys and their partners who are queer women and/or lesbian women may share more in some of these struggles than is often talked about...maybe people should just talk more. I dunno.

I'm curious as to why visibility is a concern?
Would love to hear more on this.

From my POV, there is no shame in stealth. If I look like part of any other hetero couple, why would I feel the need to be any other way? Why is there a need to "fly our stripes" so to speak? If a person so chooses to represent their community its their choice. But with so much fragmentation, not everyone feels that the queer community represents them.

I remember once asking my ex-partner, well didnt you do this while you were coming out and he said to me "I never came out like you, I just became who I am now". So I guess my question is.....what if you're not attached to an identity?