Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[Gráinne]

Not looking, but this comes to mind:

*All the character traits everyone says-honesty, responsible, committed to personal growth, etc.

*Great sense of humor. Don't ever go with someone who can't make you laugh.

*Likes pets and kids

*Lots of interests (and hopefully share some of mine)

*Likes to get out of the house on weekends. Bonus for getting out of the country .

*Likes to read and discuss books

*Physically active. Don't have to be ripped, but working on themselves is nice.

*Not extreme when it comes to religion or politics

*Gets along well with other people-likes friends. Not necessarily outgoing or the "life of the party", but someone who likes people.

*Sensual and very sexual. Romantic in that she does little things, not necessarily candy and flowers type stuff.

[girl_dee]

i want the real deal, a real life, not a life made up on a computer or layers of saccharin under what is actually a non-existence. i don't want to have to make it up and cover so that people don't know the real deal, i want to enjoy life and although i love the internet, i do not want to maintain a relationship there. i want to know that everyday is solid and secure with someone who doesn't need me to complete them or make them look good, because they look pretty damn good on their own.

My needs are water and air, the rest are wants and desires..

Thank you UNIVERSE!

[Metro]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

"i want the real deal... i want to know that everyday is solid and secure with someone who doesn't need me to complete them or make them look good, because they look pretty damn good on their own."

I agree with Dee...

And, while it's nice to have an online space to vent, or share, or provide others with positive written support, for me I've found that too much is missed online (both physical and verbal cues) when trying to sort out any kind of romantic connection. I salute those who can make it *work* but for me geographic proximity is necessary.

[Scuba]

...Someone who knows that relationships are not part-time jobs. Not ready for a full-time position? Apply somewhere else

[BullDog]

Exactly what I have right now. She is kind, loving, honest, funny as hell, extremely smart, very beautiful and sexy, she puts a priority on Us, our values and outlook on life are very complimentary. I have everything I could ever want and need for the rest of my life.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Metro

I agree with Dee...

And, while it's nice to have an online space to vent, or share, or provide others with positive written support, for me I've found that too much is missed online (both physical and verbal cues) when trying to sort out any kind of romantic connection. I salute those who can make it *work* but for me geographic proximity is necessary.

me too, for ME that is the only way to know someone..

[PurpleQuestions84]

* Lots of affection

* honesty

* a person who is really on my team and supportive of my goals

* you cant be abusive
JUST SIMPLY CARE

[luv2luvgirls]

Originally Posted by Scuba

...Someone who knows that relationships are not part-time jobs. Not ready for a full-time position? Apply somewhere else

I lol on this but its so true! well put scuba

[Tcountry]

...someone who completes me body, mind, and soul
...who loves being affectionate almost always, and understands when I choose not to be
...someone who accepts me for who I am, and gets to know my entire history
...has a good character, and gets my sense of humor
...smart and can call me out on my shit, but isn't above my cheezy flirting
...wants to communicate often, and can focus just on the issue when there is an issue...to solve it and then let it go
...oh & cooking is a plus...cause my skills are limited

*tip hat*

[StrongButch]

Patient,caring,kind,supportive,strong not afraid to love and be loved.I am lucky to have this and so much more.

[alexri]

I need balance. I need balance between me time and time with a partner. I need stability. I need loyalty. I need the comfort of routine, with the occasional excitement of something new and different.

For me, I think the most wonderful example of a healthy relationship is the Triquetra. It is a balance of individuality and unity, looking at how the three arms are connected.

You are one arm, your partner is the other arm, and the relationship is the third arm. The relationship exists independently of you and your partner and has it's own energy and presence. You and your partner do not give up your individuality. The two of you do not merge into one person, but are connected to something important. And all three are interconnected. I also see it as a sign that when one arm is struggling, the other two can support it.

I know this symbol has so many meanings to so many people, practices and faiths. It just means a lot to me and this is one of the insights for me.

[AzAshburn]

I don't need a perfect partner.. I just need someone who loves me deeply, understands me well, be loyal to me and most of all, accepts me as I am.. Someone who will not take me for a ride and leave me stranded in the middle of the road.. btw I have written a poem..just to share

Where Is That Special Someone?

There is someone that I would yearn to find,
Someone that would be able to read my complicated mind,
Someone that would make my heart beats fast,
Someone that would make forget me about the painful past,
Someone that would make me dare not to speak into her eyes,
Someone that would teach me the purest meaning of sacrifice,
Someone that would make me feel the time that flies is never enough,
Someone that would make me feel so loved with her sacred touch,
Someone that would make me calm by just looking at her face,
Someone that would make my life full of grace,
Someone that would melt my ego just with her simple smile,
Someone that would make me so close to her instead of the thousand miles,
Someone that would never leave me alone through my thick and thin,
Someone that would always be in my sweetest dream,
Someone that would make me feel brand new every day,
Someone that would always stand by my side no matter come what may,

Where Is That Special Someone?

[wahya]

Understanding, patience, and must LOVE affection. All the rest are givens. Oh forgot must laugh at MOST of my corny jokes. Lol

[kittygrrl]

don't lie to yourself or me

[Library_girl]

Affection, honesty, good conversations, fidelity, support of my life and my choices, sense of humor, intelligence, love, passion, stability, open-mindedness, in no certain order........

[oboejive]

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by oboejive

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

The phrase lesbian bed death always makes me touchy.

I might be sensitive to it, being a lesbian and all...

I believe that all relationships go through periods of time when sex may wax and wane.

I was married to a bio man in my early 20's that had virtually zero sex drive, so I try not to generalize.

My GF and I will be be together 2 years in the beginning of December.

Did we have way more sex in the first 8-12 months; yes. Absolutely.

After that, it did fall off. I think that between my very demanding job and hers, we let life get in the way.

Then she got laid off and I know that affected her libido.

I know folks in their 80's and 90's still have sexual relationships but I am sure it is not nightly, either.

I know I had a much greater libido until after I had a total hysterectomy.

50% of a woman's testosterone is produced by her ovaries. If ovaries are removed, one will have a marked drop in testosterone. At least with menopause, the drop is more gradual than immediate.

The point that I am making is that life stressors, unverbalized anger or irritation with a partner or medical reasons or not putting the effort into ensuring a sexual relationship is maintained; can affect a sexual relationship.

About 3 months ago we both decided that it was not acceptable to let our sex life slide. Even with love, I believe that good sex is the glue of a relationship.

We make dates at least once per week to have sex. Regardless of what is going on! You know something, we always get in the mood and are always so glad and happy that we did.

We made a commitment to each other to not let it slide again. We really try to be open and honest about how we are feeling, even if it is difficult or makes us feel vulnerable or embarrassed.

It is really critical to be able to communicate about this.

I hope this helps a little.

Good luck.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by oboejive

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

If you do not plan to have an open relationship, I would not consider marrying someone who is sexually incompatible. I understand that five years together is a lot of time and a lot of love. I am not saying break up now or anything, but do not get married. I have seen so many sexual partners of asexual people become depressed and unhappy.

[SleepyButch]

In a relationship.....

I need someone who is not constantly on their phone looking at facebook , email, texting, google hotspot or whatever. I used to be that person and have seen it in someone I was with as well. I think that is so annoying!

I need someone who loves dogs.

I need someone who is affectionate. I crave touch and want to touch. It feeds my soul.

I need honesty and open communication. How can you have a relationship without these?

I need someone who is not already married in any way, shape, or form, whether you consider yourself queer or not.

I'm sure there are a lot of other things but that's it for now.

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by oboejive

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

Everybody's "busy". I too have a combination of work, school, kids, volunteering, and the rest of my life. The day I find that being busy has wiped my sex drive is the day I know I'm Way too busy.

Assuming that your partner is not asexual (and it sounds like the drive just went pfft and used to exist), then, IMO, sex by whatever definition and activity with the one you love is one of life's greatest joys. That to me is part of the point of being in a relationship. Without that sexual relationship you share with none other, you have a living arrangement
I'm not saying that life doesn't tank sex here and there, but if you honestly can't remember, that's too long.

Assuming, also, that both of you are healthy and have no chronic illnesses or hormonal issues that can underlie a flat desire, then my advice isn't to chalk it up to "oh wells, LBD happens, we're not different from any other couple", but to really look at what's going on. I would be extremely hurt if my partner told me she had no sex drive, as she's supposed to find me irresistible . Are you both avoiding the sexual side of your relationship through working? This is going to take some difficult conversations and it might be worth seeing a LBGT counselor.

Martina is right, and I can tell you from experience, do not get married before you really resolve this issue. Otherwise, bad or nonexistent sex issues will mushroom like a smoke cloud through the rest of your otherwise very compatible relationship. Good luck.