Permission to propose

[BullDog]

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

[Tony]

I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle.
Just my experience.

[Okiebug61]

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

I think that IF I was ever going to marry again...
I would not ask Stoney's mom and hy probably wouldn't ask my mom.

marriage is not going to happen... 'cause the whole marriage thing I've tried several ways. And I've managed to stick to 1 contract in my life. That was the donor contract. So I'm thinking I'll end up with a contract like that or something just ours.

However,
I do however think it would be humorous to listen to the moms talk to each other about us formalizing a commitment. Because sometimes when hy and I talk about our mothers they are very alike. And if I had my sense of humor and a suit of armor on it could be really funny.

Red and I think commitment ceremonies are cool but as long as marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is governed by the feds, states or cities then we are not into that. We are guaranteed separation of Church and State until that takes place it's no marriage for us.

[Words]

Originally Posted by BullDog

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

That's what I mean, you should never assume

BTW - congrats on the anniversary!

Words

[The_Lady_Snow]

I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female.

So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc.


I get it.

I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link

CLICK ME

You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us.

Good luck on your nuptials!!

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle.
Just my experience.

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by Words

That's what I mean, you should never assume

BTW - congrats on the anniversary!

Words

Thank you! It is not a wedding anniversary but very meaningful for us.

[Tony]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

And needless to say, if the kids weren't ok with it, she wouldn't have been either. I made sure to include, bond & form a relationship with her kids from the very beginning. It was a respect issue as well.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by BullDog

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

Just wanted to quote that and swoon again.

But in regards to asking the father before the bride....

My view is what other's have said. It reminds me of the time that the women had no say about who they married or when. A bio man asked the father, they shook on it and there may have been a dowry in the works and that was that. It had as much to do with money as it did the girl, IMO. Next thing the girl was told she was getting married. End of story. Sounds horrible.


On the flip side though, i do believe it is sorta ok to tell the parents or family prior to asking the wife. Key word is "tell or inform". That's my view on it though.

I mean to each his/hys/her own, but that would be creepy to me. My father is deceased, but if he were still alive, i don't think i would like that at all.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Tony

And needless to say, if the kids weren't ok with it, she wouldn't have been either. I made sure to include, bond & form a relationship with her kids from the very beginning. It was a respect issue as well.

This rings true for *me*, if The Pack says no, then no kinda long lasting relationship will form. That's a whole other thread...

[Tony]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This rings true for *me*, if The Pack says no, then no kinda long lasting relationship will form. That's a whole other thread...

Absolutely true dat! If kids ain't happy, mama ain't happy.
If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. ;-)

[stephfromMIT]

Lady-I'm not trans.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Lady-I'm not trans.

I know, I gathered this from what *you* told me.

butch=male

femme=female


I NEVER assign or assume gender roles, I go with what people tell me they are or how they live.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Tony

Absolutely true dat! If kids ain't happy, mama ain't happy.
If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. ;-)

I was raised in a very strong matriarchial family. Most of the women raised the family primarily on their own and worked. In my extended family you want to pass mustard with my mom, her sisters, and my twin sister.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by Okiebug61

Red and I think commitment ceremonies are cool but as long as marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is governed by the feds, states or cities then we are not into that. We are guaranteed separation of Church and State until that takes place it's no marriage for us.

Religion is only involved if the couple chooses to involve it. A marriage is just as valid in the eyes of the State without any religious involvement--hence the term civil marriage is used in the fight for marriage equality so people wont think we are demanding any of their church's participation or approval.

[Tony]

Originally Posted by Greyson

I was raised in a very strong matriarchial family. Most of the women raised the family primarily on their own and worked. In my extended family you want to pass mustard with my mom, her sisters, and my twin sister.

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

Fo' realz???


I identify with Greyson's dynamic, coming from a Latina/o Mexican/Chicana/o culture it's our women who say how
things roll..

[firegal]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

Whats also wonderfull is women are also married to women in power!

[Tony]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Fo' realz???

No disrespect, Lady, just my personal observation & opinion.
And I did say its a good thing. Women have a much better reasoning power than we do. IMO

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Tony

No disrespect, Lady, just my personal observation & opinion.
And I did say its a good thing. Women have a much better reasoning power than we do. IMO

Funny, I don't think communication is gender based...

Also scientifically YOU have the same brain I do...

So your observations make no sense to me...