Friendship Circles: Gender Differences in How We Do It?

[Cin]

It’s funny when I first responded in this thread I totally wasn’t thinking about my response in terms of gender nor my friends in terms of gender either. Reexamining I see that I have not had many butch friends over the years. Some femmes, but most of my friends have been hetero men or women. My two best friends in the world for years were a straight guy and a straight woman. My longest friendship is with a straight woman who I’ve been friends with since we were 11. Now that we live in different countries the friendship isn’t like it was but it’s solid and has proved its ability to stand the test of time.

I don’t think the types of conversations I engage in have changed over the years. I never was much of a conversationalist. I mean I’ll talk your ear off on a subject I’m interested in but that’s not a conversation. It seems I either talk or I listen. There are very few people in my life who have the same conversational interests that I do. There are some and I cherish my conversations with them. But there are a lot of different pieces that need to fit to make a friendship. Conversational compatibility is only one part. And for me not that big of one. Common interests in activities is an important aspect, a sense of humor, an inherent kindness and compassion, a non judgmental outlook and then there is this intangible sensuality that I look at as platonic attraction.

I'm not sure if how I do friendships has much to do with my gender. I don't know if my gender has anything to do with the choices i make about my friends. But I have a way of looking at the world that is reminiscent of a social scientist, it was probably my calling and had I had a different kind of life it might be my career. This is the kind of thing I am curious about. I am fascinated by all aspects and ways of examining the possible causes and effects of stuff. So I will watch this thread with interest.