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View Poll Results: Gender and Friendships!?
I am FEMME and I have lots of friends who I talk to regularly. 23 15.23%
I am FEMME and I have a few close friends. 32 21.19%
I am FEMME and I have a lot of friends but prefer to connect online or through text. 7 4.64%
I am FEMME and I have 1 or 2 close friends. We speak often. 17 11.26%
I am FEMME and I don't have many "close" friends but connect with people online regularly. 8 5.30%
I am FEMME and have been close friends with several people for over 10 years. 33 21.85%
I am FEMME and I HATE to talk on the phone. 26 17.22%
I am FEMME and I often talk on the phone. 13 8.61%
I am BUTCH and I have lots of friends who I talk to regularly. 7 4.64%
I am BUTCH and I have a few close friends. 21 13.91%
I am BUTCH and I have a lot of friends but prefer to connect online or through text. 1 0.66%
I am BUTCH and I have 1 or 2 close friends. We speak often. 9 5.96%
I am BUTCH and I don't have many "close" friends but connect with people online regularly. 2 1.32%
I am BUTCH and have been close friends with several people for over 10 years. 18 11.92%
I am BUTCH and I HATE to talk on the phone. 15 9.93%
I am BUTCH and I often talk on the phone. 6 3.97%
I am a Transperson and I have lots of friends who I talk to regularly. 6 3.97%
I am a Transperson and I have a few close friends. 13 8.61%
I am a Transperson and I have a lot of friends but prefer to connect online or through text. 3 1.99%
I am a Transperson and I have 1 or 2 close friends. We speak often. 3 1.99%
I am a Transperson and I don't have many "close" friends but connect with people online regularly. 3 1.99%
I am a Transperson and have been close friends with several people for over 10 years. 8 5.30%
I am a Transperson and I HATE to talk on the phone. 8 5.30%
I am a Transperson and I often talk on the phone. 6 3.97%
I think friendships are overrated. 3 1.99%
I think that all genders create friendships in basically the same ways. 33 21.85%
I think that people who have no friends are "unhealthy" in some way. 18 11.92%
I think people who have lots of friends are "unhealthy" in some way. 5 3.31%
I think it is healthy to build friendships from online interactions. 35 23.18%
I think it is unhealthy to build friendships from online interactions. 2 1.32%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 151. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-25-2013, 11:55 AM   #1
Linus
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For me friendship is one of those greatly desired things but often fleeting. I have a few friends from high school that I could meet up today and continue conversations we started ages ago. But we don't talk regularly (unless Facebook discussions count). I think our social interactions have changed a lot and phone conversations aren't the only common mechanism (at least not for me).

Part of this is probably from my lack of creating strong bonds with people as a teenager (I never had a friend, really, until I was 17 or thereabouts -- and those friends I still have today but talk via facebook and when I travel there).

Also, I'd point out that transpersons come in a variety of flavours (much like Butch and Femme do) but know that the poll options are limited and we're just too varied a bunch to do the whole poll idea full justice.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:59 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linus View Post

Also, I'd point out that transpersons come in a variety of flavours (much like Butch and Femme do) but know that the poll options are limited and we're just too varied a bunch to do the whole poll idea full justice.

Agreed! I was trying to figure out a way to make space for all the various flavors of Butch, Femme, and Trans folks and it was becoming a mess. Hope folks will forgive the clunky poll!!
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:41 PM   #3
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As to friendships and gender identity...

I'm reluctant to make any generalizations about the ways in which Butches/Femmes/Transfolks value, build or maintain friendships because I believe our differences (as regards relationship building) fall less along gender lines and more along personality/character trait lines.

But I'm really interested to read other peoples opinions and experiences.

I'm a Femme and I have a lot of friends dotted all over the world and I have a small group of close friends with whom I bare my soul, also dotted all over the world.

The level of closeness of my friendships is not a direct corollary to geographic nearness. A couple of my closest friends live far-far-away and a couple live right here in town.

I tend to keep in touch with my people who are far away via social media, email and occasional video chats; with those people I know that even though we don't see each other very often, our connection is strong. I am indebted to the WWW for giving me the tools to stay close to those people.

When I need to talk about something, or want to be social, I prefer to do it in person with my closest people and I'm fortunate enough to have close people who live locally, so it's easy to do that.

But I HATE talking on the phone. hate-hate-hate it.

I spend a lot of time talking on the phone and/or schmoozing people in my jobs, the last thing I want to do when I get home is talk on the phone or have to sustain a conversation with someone that I am not close to.

Most of my closest people know that the best way to reach me is via text message or email. Text communications feel a little less demanding and invasive to me, they give me some space and time to reply. I can finish cooking dinner or watching a program or reading a chapter - before I reply. I can really take some time to think about how I feel, what I want or how I wish to reply - before I do.

Time feels so precious and so fleeting some days that I'm relieved to put my phone on the charger in the other room and be unencumbered for a couple of hours.

This feeling of time being fleeting has also changed the way I view my friendships.

I have more delineated circles of relationships now...(than I used to)

My core people (my partner, my siblings, my best friends) this is a pretty small group - 10 or less people.

And then concentric circles that include friends, family members, colleagues that I feel more or less connected to.

I choose to invest my time and love and support and energy in that core circle of people --- I still like a lot of other people and consider them friends but I don't invest as much in our relationships as I might have in the past.
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