Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by JustLovelyJenn

I apologize, this was in no way a dig. I spent three years very stubbornly not dating. It was the best thing I ever did. I love who I became. I am very happy with my life and myself. What I learned in that process is that I don't need anyone... but I do very much want someone. And now I have the strength and determination to not settle for less. So I'm dating and I'm looking... and I know someday, somewhere... I will find that person that is my perfect match... imperfections and all.

Oh I don't see debate or discussion or a different point of view as a dig. I'm not that thensthative

What I mean is, I have gotten to a place where I am ok with the possibility of me never having another long term relationship. It's important for me to not fear that or find it depressing. To work on being happy single and possibly just never having another relationship. I'm not looking. I will leave the door ajar, but I'm not going to go out of my way to impress someone that's not the kind of partner I would want.

If I do let someone in don't want pursuit or chasing from either of us.

I was codependant for so many years and I didn't want to be alone, I wasn't ok alone, I needed to function and care for someone else or I felt a gap.

The prospect of never having someone was bleak and terrible.

Now I am ok with the prospect of never having someone long term again. It's no longer depressing or scary. I like my life. It's easier than it has been in my past. It's peaceful. So if it is lovely and ok to be on my own right now, there is no need to think that I don't have everything I need right now. And will I feel that way in five minutes? Probably. And five minutes from then? Sure, absolutely. And five minutes from then and so on and so forth? Why not.

I don't wanna wind up with someone who needs me more than they want me. I'd prefer they didn't need me at all. But that they allow me to do some things for them cause I enjoy doing those things. And vice versa. I'd like someone who enjoys taking me out. Who gets a hard on from taking me to see a museum, or out for dinner, or to a lecture, or gallery. Who loves having pic nics with me. Easy to hang out with, be my friend, and laugh and talk a lot.

But I'm ok with that not happening. I've had a couple great loves. I'll be just fine with long periods of me being with me and sometimes some no commitment happy sex with someone for a couple months.

So if the right person strolls through the ajar door and takes me out for ice cream and a tool around a museum - fantastic. If not, my life is still lovely the way it is.