Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[LilyCat]

I agree it is important for a person to spend sometime alone to "find" themselves or get to know themselves better. There are many great benefits of it.

I wonder, do you think a person can be alone too long?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by LilyCat

I agree it is important for a person to spend sometime alone to "find" themselves or get to know themselves better. There are many great benefits of it.

I wonder, do you think a person can be alone too long?

Yes.

When you have full conversations with your pets and inanimate objects simultaneously, then that is the moment it's been a little bit too long.

[LOQUI]

Originally Posted by LilyCat

I agree it is important for a person to spend sometime alone to "find" themselves or get to know themselves better. There are many great benefits of it.

I wonder, do you think a person can be alone too long?

I think time extension it is something relative...each situation having its particularities...
However, hmmm I kind of agree with Gemme's point!

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yes.

When you have full conversations with your pets and inanimate objects simultaneously, then that is the moment it's been a little bit too long.

[Jesse]

Hmmm...I have conversations with Sadie, (my dog) because she is responsive to what I say, the couch and the fridge...not so much.

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yes.

When you have full conversations with your pets and inanimate objects simultaneously, then that is the moment it's been a little bit too long.

[Smiling]

I thought LilyCat posed a thoughtful question and Hominid brought up an excellent counterpoint. I had written a post based on their thoughts, but it ended up a rambling treatise and therefore felt a little self-involved, lol, so I deleted it.

So, I will just say this as regards my own choice to stay alone admittedly perhaps "too long"-

I'm not seeking a relationship, but if I happened to crash into one, I know what I definitely do not want. And what I will not accept is probably much easier to quantify.

I don't ever want to find myself in a relationship with someone who is a "placeholder" - neither do I want to be one for anyone else - and I feel like so many people (please be assured that I am not referring to anyone in particular either on or off this site, but rather speaking in a very general sense) are content with that.

I also feel like after a certain amount of time, people's lives get so intertwined that staying together becomes more of an exercise in convenience or habit (I.e. shared home, finances, children) than a conscious choice to share a life path.

What I definitely do not want is a relationship that is, or even worse, simply becomes, a functional business arrangement.

If that works for others, then great for them; but I'll continue to happily stay alone pursuing my dreams, goals, and interests in that case and remember that one person's "too long" is another's "not nearly long enough!" lol.

Context matters.

When I'm happy sometimes it's almost a why-fix-something-that-isn't-broken sort of thing. And when I'm not happy, it's more of an I'm-not-happy-at-the-moment-so-let-me-fix-myself-and-not-drag-anyone-down-in-the-gutter-with-me-right-now.

[JDeere]

I have issues with being alone, or single for a long time. I had gotten used to living alone and being alone for a few years. Now that I have gone through that phase, I find that I am ready to date and find a future with someone.

[Nat]

I'm a long way from being open to something new, but a friend of mine asked me the other day what I would want in a future person.

The first thing that came out was: a person who makes my life easier and not harder. Maybe I'm showing my age or my heart's exhaustion, but my willingness to twist myself into fun pretzel shapes to make things work seems to be significantly waning as is my willingness to make financial sacrifice for love's sake.

But also, chemistry, passion, trust, loyalty, friendship, love, honesty, consistency. Those are givens, right? Not givens in relationships, but givens in that - who doesn't want those things?

And I want to be cherished. And I love a good cuddler. And it's awesome be able to watch Shakespeare or read poetry or a novel with another person who actually enjoys that sort of thing. And it's really nice to be with a person who loves both my femme side and my boy side.

And though it feels like butches are a dying breed, they are my favorite. And if not butch, somewhere close.

And having written all that, I kinda think the best answer may be to just enjoy life and not think about any of that. Like, ever again. Make the world my lover. Cherish my own self.

[imperfect_cupcake]

a person who makes my life easier and not harder. Maybe I'm showing my age or my heart's exhaustion, but my willingness to twist myself into fun pretzel shapes to make things work seems to be significantly waning as is my willingness to make financial sacrifice for love's sake.

oh fuck yes. that's why I don't want pursuit on either side. I want a nice, smooth, relaxed, integration of getting to know someone, friendship and enjoying each others time, allowing me to spoil them in ways that are *easy* and enjoyable for me, and *easy* and enjoyable for them.

i don't want someone running a fucking marathon to prove their leeeeerrrrrrrrve for me. I want it to be an easy, relaxed stroll in the park.

I want to grow in love, not fall in it like dog shite.

someone who makes my life easier. bliss. I have a good life as it is, but someone who doesn't *tax* me, or pressure me, or make demands about stuff to show that I enjoy them.

pressure turns me off faster than a cup of cold sick these days.

Luckily, I don't pressure myself in those ways lol
just scholastically.

[Hominid]

Originally Posted by LilyCat

I agree it is important for a person to spend sometime alone to "find" themselves or get to know themselves better. There are many great benefits of it.

I wonder, do you think a person can be alone too long?

I do - but not because of time per se, but because one become so self-sufficient and married to what life has been to "make room", and maybe so comfortable that leaving that comfort zone to take a chance and invest in someone is terrifying.

[Jar]

Originally Posted by LilyCat

I agree it is important for a person to spend sometime alone to "find" themselves or get to know themselves better. There are many great benefits of it.

I wonder, do you think a person can be alone too long?

I think I found myself a long time ago but I've given up on a relationship. Either I pick the wrong people or I'm just not good at it so I'm ok with alone.

[cinnamongrrl]

I truly value intellect above all else....
a good sense of humor hopefully goes hand in hand with that...
compassion for people and animals is huge too



and...... I'm a sucker for a nice back and shoulders...