Where do I meet potential dates??

Shystonefem · 08-22-2015, 05:48 PM

It isn't easy. Being femme makes it even harder. I feel that, if you are a femme, you have to be the one to start up the conversation. You have to let the person you are interested in actually get the idea that you are interested.

I feel like butches have an easier time meeting people because they are not invisible (most often).

I don't do that starting the conversation thing. Lol. I am really just too shy.

imperfect_cupcake · 08-22-2015, 06:02 PM

Okcupid and POF have quite a few in Spokane. I've even been contacted by a couple butches in Spokane (im in Canada) because the Butches I've talked to find it hard to figure out. Considering Spokane was listed in Autostradle as a total dyke city (from their survey response) kind of makes you despair that all the dykes are home, sitting on their couches wondering where each other is!!!
Try meetups as well, it's a website/app that gets local groups of people together. And if you don't see what you want, start a group in meetups yourself. I'm going to as soon as school is finished and I have time to be a hostess to a group (show up at every meeting for the first year)
I started one in Oxford and I had to leave just as it got underway

Hominid · 08-22-2015, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

It isn't easy. Being femme makes it even harder. I feel that, if you are a femme, you have to be the one to start up the conversation. You have to let the person you are interested in actually get the idea that you are interested.

I feel like butches have an easier time meeting people because they are not invisible (most often).

I don't do that starting the conversation thing. Lol. I am really just too shy.

Kind of funny, actually. Well-post testosterone FtMs are in the same boat as femmes!

randrum · 08-22-2015, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

I feel like butches have an easier time meeting people because they are not invisible (most often).

I don't do that starting the conversation thing. Lol. I am really just too shy.

I tend to be invisible. Or maybe it's more oblivious.

But I definitely relate to the shy thing. I have trouble starting conversations.

Especially with an attractive femme. I get all tongue tied. And that suave butch I like to think I am ends up looking like a stumbling idiot.

Gemme · 08-22-2015, 09:52 PM

At this point, it's 100% online. I wish I had more of a community near me. The bit of community that is here is in Providence and that's taking a chance with my life driving there.

Kelt · 08-22-2015, 10:19 PM

I wish I could figure out how to "Date" without ending up in a relationship. Which I guess is usually the point. Hmm..

Just someone I could take out for dinner or weekend excursions or simply have fun at events with.

The meetup idea is a good one; I went to a couple in Berkely while I was still in Ca and it was a good low pressure/interest based way to meet folks. I've been traveling too much of late for it, but now that things are calming down I think I'll try it in my new(ish) city soon. While I enjoy doing things on my own, and do, there are some things that are more fun when you have someone with you.

I agree that femme invisibility sucks. Especially for butches! (Can't pick you out of a crowd easily)

Rockinonahigh · 08-22-2015, 10:48 PM

If anyone figures this out please post, I gave it up years ago.

imperfect_cupcake · 08-23-2015, 11:08 AM

I have put up a rather helpful post

Also, face book offers a bajillion groups to join. I've personally joined about 12 different local social meet up and event groups, 6 of which are dyke-queer focus, so I can have conversation with locals, know of local events within reach and when they happen. Most of these things are not advertised in papers or postered or fliers handed out. People don't do that much anymore - the way they advertise groups and events is through social media.

So joining facebook groups has been really helpful.

I type in search words and find a group to join that local and dyke. Then I look on the members list for someone who looks butch- then go to their page and look up all of their social groups because they might have some great groups I don't know about. I read about those groups, join the ones I like the sound of and repeat the process.

That way I find out a) where the butches and queers are actually going b) seeing where the femmes and girlies are going too. I found a couple femme friendship nights because of this.

It does take some research and a steep learning curve, and time, but if one is willing to try, it's great to learn the new ways social groups are coming together.

Hominid · 08-23-2015, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

I have put up a rather helpful post

Also, face book offers a bajillion groups to join. I've personally joined about 12 different local social meet up and event groups, 6 of which are dyke-queer focus, so I can have conversation with locals, know of local events within reach and when they happen. Most of these things are not advertised in papers or postered or fliers handed out. People don't do that much anymore - the way they advertise groups and events is through social media.

So joining facebook groups has been really helpful.

I type in search words and find a group to join that local and dyke. Then I look on the members list for someone who looks butch- then go to their page and look up all of their social groups because they might have some great groups I don't know about. I read about those groups, join the ones I like the sound of and repeat the process.

That way I find out a) where the butches and queers are actually going b) seeing where the femmes and girlies are going too. I found a couple femme friendship nights because of this.

It does take some research and a steep learning curve, and time, but if one is willing to try, it's great to learn the new ways social groups are coming together.

That's a great idea also! But ... my FB page is mostly work connections (okay, and I have no social life) - and most don't know I'm trans, so I don't want to join things that are queer (no shame, I don't go out of my way to hide it, but it's kind of private as well). I'll bet there is a privacy setting that will disallow others from seeing my groups - have to check that out.

Zimmeh · 10-09-2015, 02:38 PM

I know Boston is about three hours north of you. Boston is a great little city with a nice LGBT community. I'm not sure if Club ManRay is still open, but when I lived in Franklin, MA, I really wanted to go. If you are ever in central Florida, let me know! We will hit the Parliament House in Orlando with my old roommate and his friends.

Zimmeh

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

At this point, it's 100% online. I wish I had more of a community near me. The bit of community that is here is in Providence and that's taking a chance with my life driving there.

Jesse · 10-09-2015, 03:00 PM

I have used an obviously fake name on fb for a couple of years now, even though I have used this name as a nickname for years. I also am a member in several groups, nothing radical. A few months ago, I received a message from fb telling me they require real names and that I was blocked from using any of my groups for a period of two weeks for not doing so. I could read the messages from others and I could use all other aspects of fb including posting on my timeline as well as others, but no posting in any groups for the two week period. Once the 2 week period was finished I was allowed to continue as usual, and yes, I still use the same name. -shrug

homoe · 10-09-2015, 04:12 PM

I have NOT met anyone in ages so.....all the places I've been going to obviously are all the wrong places!

Gemme · 10-09-2015, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zimmeh

I know Boston is about three hours north of you. Boston is a great little city with a nice LGBT community. I'm not sure if Club ManRay is still open, but when I lived in Franklin, MA, I really wanted to go. If you are ever in central Florida, let me know! We will hit the Parliament House in Orlando with my old roommate and his friends.

Zimmeh

Boston's not that far away from me but they are CRAYzee there. Seriously. They are called Massholes for a reason. Between the bad driving and the nastiness, I can't take it. I nearly died on the turnpike.

Providence is bad enough.

I like small towns because the people aren't trying to run you over or crash into you but I can do Orlando. I never had a problem in Orlando, except when my window fogged up in the rain and we couldn't find the right combination of venting and air and it made it worse and I was on I-4 and could not see anything and it was at night and raining and I couldn't pull over. The car was full and there was a turtle on the road (not my lane, thankfully).

True story.

I lost 11.2 months of my life that night.

TruTexan · 08-23-2015, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by randrum

I tend to be invisible. Or maybe it's more oblivious.

But I definitely relate to the shy thing. I have trouble starting conversations.

Especially with an attractive femme. I get all tongue tied. And that suave butch I like to think I am ends up looking like a stumbling idiot.

Hey, I get the same exact way. It's no fun feeling like that either.

08-22-2015, 05:48 PM	#1
Shystonefem Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Shy for President Join Date: May 2014 Location: NH Posts: 1,105 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,475 Thanked 3,671 Times in 897 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	It isn't easy. Being femme makes it even harder. I feel that, if you are a femme, you have to be the one to start up the conversation. You have to let the person you are interested in actually get the idea that you are interested. I feel like butches have an easier time meeting people because they are not invisible (most often). I don't do that starting the conversation thing. Lol. I am really just too shy. __________________ Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ~Lao Tzu

08-22-2015, 09:52 PM	#5
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,926 Times in 25,667 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	At this point, it's 100% online. I wish I had more of a community near me. The bit of community that is here is in Providence and that's taking a chance with my life driving there. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

10-09-2015, 03:00 PM	#11
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,783 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I have used an obviously fake name on fb for a couple of years now, even though I have used this name as a nickname for years. I also am a member in several groups, nothing radical. A few months ago, I received a message from fb telling me they require real names and that I was blocked from using any of my groups for a period of two weeks for not doing so. I could read the messages from others and I could use all other aspects of fb including posting on my timeline as well as others, but no posting in any groups for the two week period. Once the 2 week period was finished I was allowed to continue as usual, and yes, I still use the same name. -shrug __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

08-22-2015, 06:02 PM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Okcupid and POF have quite a few in Spokane. I've even been contacted by a couple butches in Spokane (im in Canada) because the Butches I've talked to find it hard to figure out. Considering Spokane was listed in Autostradle as a total dyke city (from their survey response) kind of makes you despair that all the dykes are home, sitting on their couches wondering where each other is!!! Try meetups as well, it's a website/app that gets local groups of people together. And if you don't see what you want, start a group in meetups yourself. I'm going to as soon as school is finished and I have time to be a hostess to a group (show up at every meeting for the first year) I started one in Oxford and I had to leave just as it got underway

08-22-2015, 10:19 PM	#6
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,285 Times in 2,538 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I wish I could figure out how to "Date" without ending up in a relationship. Which I guess is usually the point. Hmm.. Just someone I could take out for dinner or weekend excursions or simply have fun at events with. The meetup idea is a good one; I went to a couple in Berkely while I was still in Ca and it was a good low pressure/interest based way to meet folks. I've been traveling too much of late for it, but now that things are calming down I think I'll try it in my new(ish) city soon. While I enjoy doing things on my own, and do, there are some things that are more fun when you have someone with you. I agree that femme invisibility sucks. Especially for butches! (Can't pick you out of a crowd easily)

08-22-2015, 10:48 PM	#7
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	If anyone figures this out please post, I gave it up years ago.

08-23-2015, 11:08 AM	#8
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I have put up a rather helpful post Also, face book offers a bajillion groups to join. I've personally joined about 12 different local social meet up and event groups, 6 of which are dyke-queer focus, so I can have conversation with locals, know of local events within reach and when they happen. Most of these things are not advertised in papers or postered or fliers handed out. People don't do that much anymore - the way they advertise groups and events is through social media. So joining facebook groups has been really helpful. I type in search words and find a group to join that local and dyke. Then I look on the members list for someone who looks butch- then go to their page and look up all of their social groups because they might have some great groups I don't know about. I read about those groups, join the ones I like the sound of and repeat the process. That way I find out a) where the butches and queers are actually going b) seeing where the femmes and girlies are going too. I found a couple femme friendship nights because of this. It does take some research and a steep learning curve, and time, but if one is willing to try, it's great to learn the new ways social groups are coming together.

10-09-2015, 04:12 PM	#12
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,548 Times in 14,914 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	I have NOT met anyone in ages so.....all the places I've been going to obviously are all the wrong places!