"Butch" and "Femme" - Truly Antiquated Terms or More Marginalization?

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Isadora

I was rather insulted. As a femme who grew up with these terms being referred to as "antiquated" just thrills me. It smacks of ageism to me. Although I understand and accept that a new generation may not resonate with these terms, to dismiss them as old and tired is disrespectful of those who have lived with these terms for most of our queer lives, well all of My queer life.

Now, if it was worded that we have added to our vocabulary rather then having a new generation of terms that dismiss a whole generation of elderish b/f's, I would have not felt so written off.

As a partner, for going on 22 years, who is a POC, I asked hym what terms hy resonates with and hy said, "I am butch. I do not use other words (stud, aggressive, etc.) because it is not my generation. Accepting new terms is a good thing but not at the expense of dismissing others."

This is a great response from Schon. "Not at the expense of dismissing others." Thing is...no one gets to tell me what is a "dying" or "antiquated" term. If I'm still using it then it sure as heck isn't dying.

I think the real issue here is can we all learn to accept one another as we wish to be accepted?

If I tell you I am a femme, you do not have the right to tell me that is not a "good" word. It seems so aggressively judgmental to me.

I won't tell a self-identified stud that hy's just a butch of color. How dismissive of me to not honor what hy wants to call hymself.

So for the record (and in my 3oth year of being gay with a few years out for heterosexuality in my 30's..lol), I'm a queer femme. You can be whatever you want to be but never dare to define me for me. You do not have that right.