Femmes Who Strap <3

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Poss

but what if she says 'yes'?

Be honest with her. You have a right to set a sexual boundary, just like she, or anyone else does.

You can tell her you are not interested in that. Full stop. End of story.

Or, you can say you don't see yourself interested in it, but you are open to seeing how you feel after you all get it and she wears it. The other thing to remember is that even if you are the one wearing the strap on, she can still be in control.

There is nothing wrong with either of the above responses. It is ok if it is a firm no from the beginning. People should never puts themselves in uncomfortable situations in order to please their partner. Some things just don't "feel right", and that is ok.

Definitely talk to her about it before you buy it. Then you can let go of that anxiety, or any barriers that would impact an otherwise fun time while buying it.

[Poss]

Your reply makes all the sense in the world, but then there's me!

The thing is that I have done and will do again ...put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to please my partner. This is no reflection on my partner at all and has to do with the way I am. I really love pleasing her even if I am apprehensive about whatever it is that I'm about to do.

I thought about this dilemma since I posted it. If my partner asks me to wear it, I have decided that I will. I’ll let her know that I feel awkward about it, but that I’m prepared to do this for her. Basically my desire to please my partner is way stronger than the thought of me saying no.

I really hate having to hold the heifer’s heads tight in the cattle crush whilst my partner dehorns them. Their blood gushes out all over my face, my legs feel like jelly and I cry. These days, I get down on my knees, turn my head to the side of the cattle crush and hold the halter tight for dear life …but my eyes still well up. After it’s all finished, my partner gives me a big bear hug, holds me tight and tells me how much she loves me and appreciates what I do for her.

So in the scheme of things, strapping on isn’t really that big of a deal right? Well I sure hope not. I guess I’ll soon find out. I might be going through this for nothing, because my partner might balk at the thought of it …if I’m lucky. I don’t feel so worried now, so I’ll just wait and see after we buy one. If she asks me to strap on for her, I will.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Poss

Your reply makes all the sense in the world, but then there's me!

The thing is that I have done and will do again ...put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to please my partner. This is no reflection on my partner at all and has to do with the way I am. I really love pleasing her even if I am apprehensive about whatever it is that I'm about to do.

I thought about this dilemma since I posted it. If my partner asks me to wear it, I have decided that I will. I’ll let her know that I feel awkward about it, but that I’m prepared to do this for her. Basically my desire to please my partner is way stronger than the thought of me saying no.

I really hate having to hold the heifer’s heads tight in the cattle crush whilst my partner dehorns them. Their blood gushes out all over my face, my legs feel like jelly and I cry. These days, I get down on my knees, turn my head to the side of the cattle crush and hold the halter tight for dear life …but my eyes still well up. After it’s all finished, my partner gives me a big bear hug, holds me tight and tells me how much she loves me and appreciates what I do for her.

So in the scheme of things, strapping on isn’t really that big of a deal right? Well I sure hope not. I guess I’ll soon find out. I might be going through this for nothing, because my partner might balk at the thought of it …if I’m lucky. I don’t feel so worried now, so I’ll just wait and see after we buy one. If she asks me to strap on for her, I will.

I don't know, Poss. What I am hearing here is that you are willing to put your partner first, even if it is to your own detriment. That really isn't healthy....for either of you.

It is one thing to say you feel awkward but are still willing to give it a go, but it hearing it side by side with someone that is horrid for you, but is something that MUST be done is really uncomfortable for me.

Sexual acts shouldn't be equated to having to do something that is hard, yet needs to be done.

When your partner says she loves you and thanks you for helping her with the cattle's head it is because it is a necessary evil. I can't imagine that your partner would want you to strap on for her if she knew that your discomfort in doing this is not as bad as it is with the cattle, but that it is a similar process.

Maybe I am off here.....all I can tell you is that reading that you would do something sexual that seems to be quite uncomfortable to you, only to make your partner happy, actually makes me feel a little ill. I am imagining how horrible I would feel if I knew my partner did something she didn't want to do just to please me. It would feel like I am violating her, I think.

I can't imagine any healthy partner wanting you to do that for them.

[*Anya*]

I have a couple of thoughts.

First of all, boundaries are critical for anyone.

We all may have a hard boundary. Mine is anything anal for myself. I don't have to justify it to my partner or to myself.

It just is.

I do want to say, however, that this is different than my trying something sexual for the first time and any associated discomfort or anxiety I may have if I have not done it before.

I felt scared and anxious the first time that I kissed a woman, the first time that I touched a woman sexually and the first time that I went down on a woman. Actually, the first time I did all those things with my first bio male boyfriend, I felt unsure and anxious, too.

The first time I strapped, I felt awkward and very unsure but I soon let go of those feelings and enjoyed it immensely.

Penetration is a hard boundary for my GF so, that is off the table and I totally respect that.

My point is that a hard boundary is very different from feeling anxious and unsure about our sexual skills in a particular area. No one can tell us what is right or wrong for us but ourselves. It may take us a while to figure out which is which, but if we trust ourselves and our partner; we will come to know what is right for us.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Poss

What's made my mind boggle at this thread, is the thought of me wearing it. We have spent the whole time discussing my partner harnessing it on and penetrating me, not the other way around. I really hope my partner doesn't want me to strap it on because I am not wanting to at all. What's bothering me is that my partner may very well want me to, just so she knows what its like for me.

I'm seeing this from a different perspective than the others, although I agree with the discussion on healthy boundaries and not doing anything that will put you in a bad place.

You say yourself that your partner and you are only talking about her strapping. The whole time it's come up, with the no deviance. She's the one to strap.

My question to you is this: why are you stressing yourself out about something that's not even on the table? It seems like unnecessary stress to put yourself through. Let it go. Unless there's something else going on, it seems like your partner is happy to be the one to strap and that seems like what you'd rather have anyway.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Poss, I'm not all that fond of strapping, mainly because I'm submissive and a bottom and it's super rare I've been someone I know that is dominant, top, and masculine and still wants me strapping.. But you know what? It HAS happened. And it's not nothing like suddenly growing a cock and becoming dominant and it's really awful and I can't deal.

Actually it just turns out it's a plastic toy I am not connected to but am wearing in a submissive way to have my partner use from me to please themselves. They stay exactly who they are. They don't morph, I don't morph, no one changes and a good time is had by all.

It's not the strap on. It has no magic qualities. The same strap on worn by a stunningly sexy Butch bear dominant top, worn by a bottom boi doesn't suddenly make them by magic into a dominant. They stay just as much a bottom as before they strapped it on.

You won't change if you wear it. I personally cant wear the same strap on a lover wears if it's realistic. It puts me off. Kind of squicked me out. So She me bought one that she wanted me to wear. It was dark blue and had grooves, not a head. Then she tied my hands behind my back to help me feel less toppy the first time, and threw me back, and used me like a post while grabbing my boobs and at no time did she become less masculine. There wasn't a single iota of feminine girly squeal that came out of her. It's was all Butch musk. So, no one becomes something they aren't just by strapping on - or by using the strap on the other way round.

I also fist people, but I stay submissive and they stay all boy, all Butch, and in charge.

If you can't imagine that, then perhaps you've just never been exposed to it. I've been in a hella lot of sex parties, fuck clubs, bdsm fetish play nights, etc and I have seen and taken part of even Dominants getting whipped with a flogger by their sub and STILL being in charge. One of my exes used to get me to flog her and she did it as a release for emotional reasons. I was simply there to serve her. She was absolutely in charge of it.

We don't have to fit inside a bog standard box. But if you have never seen it or been told, you might not know.

There is more than one way to be top, dominant, and masculine.

I'm not saying you have to, but if you are worried because the only thing you've read on this site is the whole "connecting with you cock" thing.... Well, that's only ONE way of many that people use them. I have never, ever connected with one. And it doesn't change who I am. But if it's what a top/Dom wants, then by all means, put it on me and make me take it !

[Poss]

The replies to this thread since my last post are amazing and thought provoking. I have seriously taken on board what you have all written. It's wonderful that we feel so open to honestly discuss this subject matter in here. Social networks sites likes this are almost non-existent anywhere in the world. It's certainly encouraging me to view this topic from different angles.

I do think I've been over thinking this whole issue of being femme and strapping on for my butch partner. Right now if my partner was involved in this discussion, she'd look at me and say "YOU THINK!" lol

The thing is, if I don't sexually explore further than where I've already been before; then how will I ever know if I'd like it or not? How will I know if strapping-on is really a boundary, unless I go that far to find out?

It was me that initially raised the discussion between us about using a strap-on during our love making. We aren't getting any younger and its very rare now that we are able to continue making love all night until the sun comes up; like I'm 51 in a few weeks time and my partners in her mid 50's. I was thinking it would be easier on us both if we used a strap-on and some lubricant. We are in our 18th year together and spicing things up by utilising a sex toy seems like a good way to go about it. I just hadn't thought of strapping it on for my partner until now.

Who knows, we could get to the shop and find out that there are strap-on's for femmes and for butches. We could buy one of each and go on living a sexually active happy, healthy and loving relationship long into our retirement years.

If I keep this thinking up, it might be me asking my partner if I can strap-on for her ...just kidding (I think?).lol Because I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable about going into sex shop for the first time, doesn't mean I shouldn't go in there. So if the situation ever arises that I strap-on and find it very difficult to penetrate my partner; then I'll concede that it's a sexual boundary for me, but not before.