Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex?

[Talon]

Fuck no....

[Nattih]

My friendships are just as deep and intimate as my relationships. I have taken off work to fly into a different state just because my good friend was lonely. I regularly ask my bff for no questions asked favors and they are never an issue. She is golden. If any of my friends asked me for my entire next paycheck, I'd give it to them, no doubt. Friends aren't a hi and bye type of thing to me.

Chances are if you did not cut the muster as a significant other, you aren't going to be capable of/want to engage in the types of friendships that I cherish either.

[storyspinner70]

Outside of the couple abusive assholes and a cheating bitch, the majority of my exes just faded away naturally...they just...weren't that important in my life anymore and neither was I in theirs. It was all very amicable. My last girlfriend and I were friends for awhile but that inevitably blew up. I say inevitably because the main reason we broke up was because talking to her was like me speaking French and her speaking Portugese...We might could muddle through understanding a few things, but in general, we just couldn't get what the other was saying. That made the friendship just as fraught as our romantic relations were.

[MrSunshine]

Yep, as long as they are not a raging douche.

[Talon]

[QUOTE=MrSunshine;1031437]Yep, as long as they are not a raging douche.[/QUOTE
Wow...you are truly exceptional....

[Cin]

I would have been happy to be friends with most of my exes. In a few cases I actually believed it was going to happen. But it never really did materialize. I hold no animosity toward them and I don't believe any of my exes dislikes me as a person. The relationship just didn't work out for one reason or another but none ended badly or with hard feelings. So you would think the door would be wide open since, speaking for myself, I still care deeply about all my exes. But the friendship never did last. I always feel bad when I think about that. I try to review to see what I might have done that contributed to not having a friendship but I honestly don't know. Every so often I will send an email or something to say hey to one of them and there will be a short flurry of conversation but then it will just peter out and in a year or so I'll wonder what happened and be back trying to figure out why I can't keep any of my exes as friends.

[Shystonefem]

Some I could be friends with but their new girlfriends/wives won't let them.

Others, not in a million years.

I tried to reach out to my ex that I was with for almost 11 years (because she was sick for a long time) and her GF says "Stay the F... away from my wife". Ummm LOL

[MrSunshine]

[quote=Talon;1031647]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

Yep, as long as they are not a raging douche.[/QUOTE
Wow...you are truly exceptional....

Well,yeah.

[Angeltoes]

I've never had a relationship where we just drifted apart - there was always a big reason why it ended. Also, sometimes I wish I more extroverted like cupcake but I definitely do not have friends for different occasions. I'm an introvert and if I let someone into my bubble in real life that's significant to me. I'm friendly to everyone, but being friendly and being friends are totally different things. Once the relationship is over a wall comes down and it never comes back up for that person again.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

Yep, as long as they are not a raging douche.

honestly Mr Sunshine, referring to anyone as a "douche" makes one wonder who has the problem, imo. What you contemplate in private reflection is your own affair, but a woman observing such declarations (of a woman you at some point cared for), wince.

[MrSunshine]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

honestly Mr Sunshine, referring to anyone as a "douche" makes one wonder who has the problem, imo. What you contemplate in private reflection is your own affair, but a woman observing such declarations (of a woman you at some point cared for), wince.

Here's a lesson in reading left to right and NOT reading into things. " yes, as long as THEY ARE NOT a raging douche". Unwinch

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

Here's a lesson in reading left to right and NOT reading into things. " yes, as long as THEY ARE NOT a raging douche". Unwinch

to each his own

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Nattih

My friendships are just as deep and intimate as my relationships. I have taken off work to fly into a different state just because my good friend was lonely. I regularly ask my bff for no questions asked favors and they are never an issue. She is golden. If any of my friends asked me for my entire next paycheck, I'd give it to them, no doubt. Friends aren't a hi and bye type of thing to me.

Chances are if you did not cut the muster as a significant other, you aren't going to be capable of/want to engage in the types of friendships that I cherish either.

I think perhaps because I'm an extrovert I have lots of different kinds of friendships and see value in all of them. I need my friendly but not intense friendships just as much as I need my friends who have been with my closet core group for 32 years. I have friends who are like cousins, friends who I have a beer with and we just have a great laugh. I have friends do I swap massages with and chat and gossip about school and never see each other outside of that context.

I love people in that people are my books. I like reading them, enjoying them for just the story that they are. I like having deep and meaningful passing conversation with people I might never see again. I love talking to strangers. I love a chat.

I know that for others, mostly my exes, who are die hard introverts, they only want a very small core number of people in their lives of the highest caliber because people wear them out.

Me, I love and need Champagne friends, roast beef dinner friends and a packet of crisps friends.

So perhaps it's just how we also view friendships in general and extroversion/introversion might play into that.

[job]

I think so. For me personally, the three women that I had the longest relationships with--two were girlfriends=monogamous relationships, the third was a little harder to define- are all still friends of mine. The two that were actual girlfriends, we still have fun together, share the same beliefs, etc., and get along better now than before. There's no reason for tension or stress anymore. No jealousy, and so on. The third, we are still very close, however, not as close as before. But, friends...absolutely.

[Talon]

Yeah....to each their own, and all that..but, once a bell has been rung, it cannot be unrung. You and I will not share some sort of diluted-down sort of relationship, that is a crutch for the both of us, where we put off the inevitable. We will not be BFF's that have "coffee talk". I say this from the get go...and if we are close friends for years?
I never risk that for temporary "lust"...the reality is that the majority of romantic relationships do crash and burn. I will not risk something I value that has had proven success in the past..for something that's essentially a crap shoot. It has nothing to do with how it ended (good...bad, or indifferent). I prefer a clean cut.

>>>>MO

[Stronghealer]

Were they good to you?
Did they disengage from queerdom, and began life anew?
Did they cheat?
Were they good to you?
Were the abusive?


I am friends with some,exes with no contact or connection with others,and deeply miss others- I am not speaking with.

The abusive ones - I wish never to speak with.