Prenuptial Agreements. Anyone have one? Anyone who would consider one if they married?

Jane Bond · 12-31-2015, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

But who knows. But I do know that people can change on a dime.

Mine changed on a dime, then the witch wanted 9 cents change from me. Sorry for what you went through, my dear, but it may help you to know you'll likely meet a woman far superior to the rat you married.
The way I see it, any woman would be better than the ex wife.

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2016, 12:15 AM

No. Not "any" woman would be better than my ex. There have been far, far worse.
And when we got together she was a VERY different person. Someone who treated me incredibly well, better than any one ever had, and genuinely loved me like mad. She was kind, protective, intellectual, and funny.
She was my best friend.

But the point is, she changed after going through trauma.

And that can happen to anyone.

So, now that I'm making good coin and I have an inheritance, pre-nup. And living either in seperate places or with stipulations that ensure I keep my independence and private space.

I'm deeply romantic and very caring. But I'm not a mug and I'm no ones nurse maid/cleaner either.

kittygrrl · 01-01-2016, 12:30 AM

I have nothing against the idea of a prenup. I realize some people wouldn't get married without one and frankly they shouldn't. Personally if you can't trust me with your assets, why in the world would you want to marry me or visa versa? You don't need legal paper to live together.

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2016, 02:01 AM

Because I may trust who the person is as they are, but shit happens to people. And sometimes trauma, or severe injuries, or unknown/unforeseen shit can change people into people you no longer recognize. I've seen it happen. Stuff you'd never guess would ever happen to someone, happens. And it changes someone. And suddenly they are gone. And then the person they are now with convinces them to take half of what's yours. You have no idea.

It's not about trust. It's about not being naive that life doesn't do surprising things that change us. I've watched nervous break downs, brain cancer, deaths, new and sudden addictions, midlife crisis etc these are all things that have deeply changed people I know and put them through divorces.

kittygrrl · 01-01-2016, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Because I may trust who the person is as they are, but shit happens to people. And sometimes trauma, or severe injuries, or unknown/unforeseen shit can change people into people you no longer recognize. I've seen it happen. Stuff you'd never guess would ever happen to someone, happens. And it changes someone. And suddenly they are gone. And then the person they are now with convinces them to take half of what's yours. You have no idea.

It's not about trust. It's about not being naive that life doesn't do surprising things that change us. I've watched nervous break downs, brain cancer, deaths, new and sudden addictions, midlife crisis etc these are all things that have deeply changed people I know and put them through divorces.

Granted, Cupcake and if previous experience makes you doubtful you should do whatever you need to do. But if it's just a legal license to fuck, why would it be needed in the first place? If you view marriage as a business arrangement, I don't see the value in entering into one. Have an exclusive relationship and enjoy each other as needed without the entanglements marriage involves. Far simpler and enjoyable if you want the benefits without the risk and responsibilities.

MsTinkerbelly · 01-01-2016, 11:29 AM

Part of this entire conversation is borne of marriage coming to us only recently.

We have spent so many years in relationships that were not seen as valid; where it was actually not in our best interests to combine money due to how easy it was to slide into and out of being together, that IMO most of us are not sure how to do "ours".

My grandparents, parents, sister....they never gave a thought to combining resources and building a life together. In their world, pre-nups were for the wealthy combining family fortunes, or one person being very wealthy and one not so much. In their world money was combined, houses were jointly bought and plans were made for the future.

We have the type of financial arrangement that we are comfortable with...we combine everything. If this relationship ends, I want it to be messy and hard to get out of! I know that sounds odd, but we both promised forever...and I wouldn't have married her if I thought she would walk away.

The only concession I made to having had a child before coming into the relationship, was to have my 401k divided 50/50 between Amy and Kasey should I pass away before she turned 21. I made my way in life, and my daughter can do the same.

MsTinkerbelly · 12-14-2017, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

Part of this entire conversation is borne of marriage coming to us only recently.

We have spent so many years in relationships that were not seen as valid; where it was actually not in our best interests to combine money due to how easy it was to slide into and out of being together, that IMO most of us are not sure how to do "ours".

My grandparents, parents, sister....they never gave a thought to combining resources and building a life together. In their world, pre-nups were for the wealthy combining family fortunes, or one person being very wealthy and one not so much. In their world money was combined, houses were jointly bought and plans were made for the future.

We have the type of financial arrangement that we are comfortable with...we combine everything. If this relationship ends, I want it to be messy and hard to get out of! I know that sounds odd, but we both promised forever...and I wouldn't have married her if I thought she would walk away.

The only concession I made to having had a child before coming into the relationship, was to have my 401k divided 50/50 between Amy and Kasey should I pass away before she turned 21. I made my way in life, and my daughter can do the same.

Still works for me.

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2016, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Granted, Cupcake and if previous experience makes you doubtful you should do whatever you need to do. But if it's just a legal license to fuck, why would it be needed in the first place? If you view marriage as a business arrangement, I don't see the value in entering into one. Have an exclusive relationship and enjoy each other as needed without the entanglements marriage involves. Far simpler and enjoyable if you want the benefits without the risk and responsibilities.

I'm not quite catching you. I can fuck whomever I want. Hell, I can fuck three people at the same time. Not sure what fucking has to do with it...

Where I live is common law domestic partnerships. That means if you file your taxes as a couple, and you live together for two years, regardless of going through a ceremony or not, in the eyes of the law you are married. That means they can rack up debts for you, take half your stuff, make decisions about your health if you are sick and in hospital and make claims for child support. Amongst other things.

So before moving in with someone here, it's very wise to sign a legal document making things very clear. My mum and her common law partner were deeply in love with each other. My mum didn't want to get married again. But since they lived together 80% of the time and they both had families from previous marriages, they drew up contracts.

Good thing too because he died very suddenly and his family was right there waiting to take half of mums stuff as his. Which they could have done if it wasn't for paper work done up.

Life is far more complicated with unseen or unrealized angles outside your own box.

ProfPacker · 01-01-2016, 09:04 PM

I agree with Dapper and cupcake, I think no matter how we feel at the moment or we imagine a "love to be" marriage is a legal contract that protects only certain benefits. We all do not know what life will bring us. It is not a matter of trusting or not trusting one another. There are other people and circumstances that spouses or partners entered into prior to the marriage, their are things and people that we might need to protect and be responsible for prior and even during the marriage.

Nattih · 01-01-2016, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Personally if you can't trust me with your assets, why in the world would you want to marry me or visa versa? You don't need legal paper to live together.

No matter how I toss it around, I agree with this sentiment. If either of us feels iffy about going all in with regard to love, finances, combined households, raising children, etc then we can just remain an unmarried couple. that is a good way to protect yourself from me and any of my nefarious ways that you may think are hidden and laying in wait.

But if you are saying you want to get married, to *me* that means all in. All the way in the ring. 0 limbs outside.

I do own a business that I alone am investing in and I do have land that I will inherit, but the way I see it...there are so many worse things I can and will lose during the breakdown of a marriage that are dear.

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2016, 10:41 PM

Because in many places even if you don't get married you get considered common law married anyway?

Laws are different all over the planet

Shystonefem · 01-02-2016, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nattih

No matter how I toss it around, I agree with this sentiment. If either of us feels iffy about going all in with regard to love, finances, combined households, raising children, etc then we can just remain an unmarried couple. that is a good way to protect yourself from me and any of my nefarious ways that you may think are hidden and laying in wait.

But if you are saying you want to get married, to *me* that means all in. All the way in the ring. 0 limbs outside.

I do own a business that I alone am investing in and I do have land that I will inherit, but the way I see it...there are so many worse things I can and will lose during the breakdown of a marriage that are dear.

The breakdown of a marriage is always hard. I wish we had a prenuptial agreement in place. Even when someone is in a serious relationship where joint property is involved.

I am usually the one to walk away from everything but there are only so many times you can start over.

In addition, I would not want my or the other person's family members to try to swoop up everything if one of the parents pass.

I would want to sign a prenuptial with the other person as much as I would like them to sign one with me.

MsTinkerbelly · 01-02-2016, 06:29 PM

We both had property, 401k's, bank accounts and I had an upcoming inheritance...in fact I inherited from both my grandmother and my mother. We were married without a pre-nup, and we went into it with eyes wide open and everything in us has gone into the for better or worse part.

I still stand behind the school of thought that says when you plan for the end, it will come.

01-01-2016, 12:30 AM	#3
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: Fae Relationship Status: just for fun Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,449 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,637 Thanked 22,022 Times in 7,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I have nothing against the idea of a prenup. I realize some people wouldn't get married without one and frankly they shouldn't. Personally if you can't trust me with your assets, why in the world would you want to marry me or visa versa? You don't need legal paper to live together. __________________ "We're nine meals from anarchy"" Lewis

01-01-2016, 12:15 AM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	No. Not "any" woman would be better than my ex. There have been far, far worse. And when we got together she was a VERY different person. Someone who treated me incredibly well, better than any one ever had, and genuinely loved me like mad. She was kind, protective, intellectual, and funny. She was my best friend. But the point is, she changed after going through trauma. And that can happen to anyone. So, now that I'm making good coin and I have an inheritance, pre-nup. And living either in seperate places or with stipulations that ensure I keep my independence and private space. I'm deeply romantic and very caring. But I'm not a mug and I'm no ones nurse maid/cleaner either.

01-01-2016, 02:01 AM	#4
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Because I may trust who the person is as they are, but shit happens to people. And sometimes trauma, or severe injuries, or unknown/unforeseen shit can change people into people you no longer recognize. I've seen it happen. Stuff you'd never guess would ever happen to someone, happens. And it changes someone. And suddenly they are gone. And then the person they are now with convinces them to take half of what's yours. You have no idea. It's not about trust. It's about not being naive that life doesn't do surprising things that change us. I've watched nervous break downs, brain cancer, deaths, new and sudden addictions, midlife crisis etc these are all things that have deeply changed people I know and put them through divorces.

01-01-2016, 11:29 AM	#6
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,907 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	Part of this entire conversation is borne of marriage coming to us only recently. We have spent so many years in relationships that were not seen as valid; where it was actually not in our best interests to combine money due to how easy it was to slide into and out of being together, that IMO most of us are not sure how to do "ours". My grandparents, parents, sister....they never gave a thought to combining resources and building a life together. In their world, pre-nups were for the wealthy combining family fortunes, or one person being very wealthy and one not so much. In their world money was combined, houses were jointly bought and plans were made for the future. We have the type of financial arrangement that we are comfortable with...we combine everything. If this relationship ends, I want it to be messy and hard to get out of! I know that sounds odd, but we both promised forever...and I wouldn't have married her if I thought she would walk away. The only concession I made to having had a child before coming into the relationship, was to have my 401k divided 50/50 between Amy and Kasey should I pass away before she turned 21. I made my way in life, and my daughter can do the same.

01-01-2016, 09:04 PM	#9
ProfPacker Member How Do You Identify?: butch/MOC Preferred Pronoun?: Hy/hym/hys but in circumstances like work and some other places she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: nj Posts: 1,365 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 4,815 Times in 1,187 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I agree with Dapper and cupcake, I think no matter how we feel at the moment or we imagine a "love to be" marriage is a legal contract that protects only certain benefits. We all do not know what life will bring us. It is not a matter of trusting or not trusting one another. There are other people and circumstances that spouses or partners entered into prior to the marriage, their are things and people that we might need to protect and be responsible for prior and even during the marriage.

01-01-2016, 10:41 PM	#11
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Because in many places even if you don't get married you get considered common law married anyway? Laws are different all over the planet

01-02-2016, 06:29 PM	#13
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,907 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	We both had property, 401k's, bank accounts and I had an upcoming inheritance...in fact I inherited from both my grandmother and my mother. We were married without a pre-nup, and we went into it with eyes wide open and everything in us has gone into the for better or worse part. I still stand behind the school of thought that says when you plan for the end, it will come.