Same Sex Marriage and Divorce

[MsTinkerbelly]

Hmmmmmm

I married my daughter's father with no thought to divorce, but 8 years later I couldn't live the hetro lie anymore, and I was hurting a very nice man. We actually stayed married another 2 years after, so that he could claim 1/2 my social security amount (he made very little $) should he not remarry.

When we divorced, we had lawyers for the paperwork but there was no fight. We went together to an all day class on making children (required in California) your priority through all of the pain of divorce. I was given full legal custody, with him having unlimited visitation rights, and joint physical custody....I asked for him to provide medical insurance until she was 18, and I refused all child and spousal support.

When my daughter went to stay with her dad, I sent along bags of food, and money for activities. When she was very young she was unaware of this arrangement, but I knew how financially strapped he was. Never, in the entire time since we parted has either one of us said one nasty word about the other parent, and he is to this day a major part of her life.

That being said, unless someone is being abused I do not believe in divorce. I wake up every single day and choose to be with my wife. For better, for worse are not just words to me....I fight every day to keep my marriage strong and healthy. I had the example of my grandparents to learn from...married 60 years when he passed away. They had good times, bad times, raised 5 children together....they worked hard at having their life together.

I know there is nothing you can do when one person is an ass and just leaves...I certainly don't blame the wronged partner. What I refer to is people that just decide things are too hard and start looking for a way out...I think that is a real shame.

My wife and I have been together nearly 14 years, married since 7/3/08...there will be no divorce! There are many wonderful days, and there are some not terrific times. There has been death, financial boom and crisis, health issues, child care arguments....on and on.

Marriage is not for the weak, or wishy washy...if you are not 100% sure you are willing to give it your all, why bother?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

Hmmmmmm

I married my daughter's father with no thought to divorce, but 8 years later I couldn't live the hetro lie anymore, and I was hurting a very nice man. We actually stayed married another 2 years after, so that he could claim 1/2 my social security amount (he made very little $) should he not remarry.

When we divorced, we had lawyers for the paperwork but there was no fight. We went together to an all day class on making children (required in California) your priority through all of the pain of divorce. I was given full legal custody, with him having unlimited visitation rights, and joint physical custody....I asked for him to provide medical insurance until she was 18, and I refused all child and spousal support.

When my daughter went to stay with her dad, I sent along bags of food, and money for activities. When she was very young she was unaware of this arrangement, but I knew how financially strapped he was. Never, in the entire time since we parted has either one of us said one nasty word about the other parent, and he is to this day a major part of her life.

That being said, unless someone is being abused I do not believe in divorce. I wake up every single day and choose to be with my wife. For better, for worse are not just words to me....I fight every day to keep my marriage strong and healthy. I had the example of my grandparents to learn from...married 60 years when he passed away. They had good times, bad times, raised 5 children together....they worked hard at having their life together.

I know there is nothing you can do when one person is an ass and just leaves...I certainly don't blame the wronged partner. What I refer to is people that just decide things are too hard and start looking for a way out...I think that is a real shame.

My wife and I have been together nearly 14 years, married since 7/3/08...there will be no divorce! There are many wonderful days, and there are some not terrific times. There has been death, financial boom and crisis, health issues, child care arguments....on and on.

Marriage is not for the weak, or wishy washy...if you are not 100% sure you are willing to give it your all, why bother?

<3 indeed.

I actually agree with all of that. Cept I just want my own private little hamster cage to play bagpipes in at 3am. I'm very greedy and stubborn about personal space now. But I totally agree. Even with her shit wit behaviour, her affair and her drinking, I was willing to forgive and work on it if she could make the bloody effort. She didn't want to. So she left. And according to the courts, that would have cost her seven years of financial support. It's really rare I talk to people who have my same value of marriage, and I always love to hear you talk about yours

[Shystonefem]

My ex sent me a few texts last night calling me a skank and nasty. That just may have changed my mind from I don't know to definitely no. LMAO

[CherylNYC]

I don't know you, so I apologise in advance if my unsolicited advice is unwelcome. Do yourself a favor and block her number! It's not OK speak to another person like that.

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

My ex sent me a few texts last night calling me a skank and nasty. That just may have changed my mind from I don't know to definitely no. LMAO

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I don't know you, so I apologise in advance if my unsolicited advice is unwelcome. Do yourself a favor and block her number! It's not OK speak to another person like that.

She is blocked. She sends texts from different friends numbers. Mainly when she is drunk. Lol

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

My ex sent me a few texts last night calling me a skank and nasty. That just may have changed my mind from I don't know to definitely no. LMAO

(((((( shy ))))))) if Jesus can resurrect so can't u lol ~ move on after all these years you have more to offer than this

[JDeere]

I personally am 50 50 on the marriage deal, 50% says yes and 50% says no because I know what a divorce entails and I am not ready to deal with that.

It's bad enough when you break up but to have to mess with a judge,lawyers, etc just doesn't appeal to me in the least bit.

[TL1]

I am for it under the right circumstances. there are "if's and but's" however but it comes down to yes for me. Not something I sit around craving but with the right person I might.
Not a decision to be taken lightly by any means. I see too many people making this decision on a whim. Trying to keep someone and not using their brains. I think taking the time and really looking at things and really knowing someone..being sure this is someone you are willing to work with and fight for and it can work.
Also I think most marriages don't work... so that's why the seriousness of the situation needs to be in place by both people.

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by JDeere

I personally am 50 50 on the marriage deal, 50% says yes and 50% says no because I know what a divorce entails and I am not ready to deal with that.

It's bad enough when you break up but to have to mess with a judge,lawyers, etc just doesn't appeal to me in the least bit.

I was in a relationship where it took me three years to fully understand that the other person was completely delusional, so I would say not to get married until after 3 years

In a LDR/relocation situation I wouldn't even start that clock until a year after the move.

I'm all for long engagements, though. A significant rock can go a long way towards incentivizing patience in situations where one partner may feel more ready than the other-- it worked on me for 2.5 years, and it wouldn't have taken a lawyer to undo if things had gone south

[weatherboi]

She still hasn't put a ring on it. Not sure what is holding her back.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I was in a relationship where it took me three years to fully understand that the other person was completely delusional, so I would say not to get married until after 3 years

In a LDR/relocation situation I wouldn't even start that clock until a year after the move.

I'm all for long engagements, though. A significant rock can go a long way towards incentivizing patience in situations where one partner may feel more ready than the other-- it worked on me for 2.5 years, and it wouldn't have taken a lawyer to undo if things had gone south

We are only on our one year right now, I just take it day to day but somethings need to change on her end before I even think about getting married to her. My relationships don't last very long anyways so this too may pass.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

(((((( shy ))))))) if Jesus can resurrect so can't u lol ~ move on after all these years you have more to offer than this

((((Ocean)))) I have moved on in the regular sense. I am not emotional about her or the divorce anymore. I really believe though that you don't know a person until you have been with them for 4 or 5 years and marriage is not really in my radar at this point in my life.

I do, however, plan on going to PTown every other weekend this summer. Time to just have some fun without the work that goes into a relationship.

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

((((Ocean)))) I have moved on in the regular sense. I am not emotional about her or the divorce anymore. I really believe though that you don't know a person until you have been with them for 4 or 5 years and marriage is not really in my radar at this point in my life.

I do, however, plan on going to PTown every other weekend this summer. Time to just have some fun without the work that goes into a relationship.

shy have FUN enjoy ~ don't forget Hyannis has gay clubs too ~ f u want to be down the cape ~ whenever I need to heal from anything ~ I go down and the energy of our community heals..

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

shy have FUN enjoy ~ don't forget Hyannis has gay clubs too ~ f u want to be down the cape ~ whenever I need to heal from anything ~ I go down and the energy of our community heals..

i had the best time those few years living near the Cape............

i never saw a bar in Hyannis, though I did work in Hyannis.........