Being female within Butch

[Ascot]

The other day i had a lunch meeting with my boss and was pleasantly surprised when he told me that he learns a lot from me. It is not unusual for us to talk politics, art, gender issues, etc. He said that by conversing with me, he has come to have a better understanding of and apprecitation for the relationship dynamics of his lesbian niece and her wife. I think I am the only Butch he's had so much access to, and I applaud him for taking the opportunity to pose the questions he does. He's come a long way for being a self avowed "older white guy who is politically moderate/conservative and kind of churchy." He also gets a kick out of my crisp white shirts (thanks Mom for teaching me you can never go wrong with one) and tells me I'm very Bostonian.

[cathexis]

Need a little advice, please.
Have facial hair (light red chin, moustache, and side burns), just moved to a small closeted town in the NY North Country, and not the tallest womon on Earth (4'10"). Am usually not able to project tons of confidence (tend to walk more like prey).
After the backstory, would you feel comfortable letting your facial hair grow out in this situation?
Lover is one of THOSE fabulous Alpha Butches that light up a room with their energy when entering, but don't want Her feeling obligated to defend me...She would!

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Need a little advice, please.
Have facial hair (light red chin, moustache, and side burns), just moved to a small closeted town in the NY North Country, and not the tallest womon on Earth (4'10"). Am usually not able to project tons of confidence (tend to walk more like prey).
After the backstory, would you feel comfortable letting your facial hair grow out in this situation?
Lover is one of THOSE fabulous Alpha Butches that light up a room with their energy when entering, but don't want Her feeling obligated to defend me...She would!

I pluck not shave. I used to wax but not anymore cuz my thyroid is wreaking havoc on my hair. As of now I wouldn't let it grow, for the fear of either having to defended or going on the defense.

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Need a little advice, please.
Have facial hair (light red chin, moustache, and side burns), just moved to a small closeted town in the NY North Country, and not the tallest womon on Earth (4'10"). Am usually not able to project tons of confidence (tend to walk more like prey).
After the backstory, would you feel comfortable letting your facial hair grow out in this situation?
Lover is one of THOSE fabulous Alpha Butches that light up a room with their energy when entering, but don't want Her feeling obligated to defend me...She would!

In my experience getting harassed for looking butch/masculine female is totally random. Some places where I would think I would I haven't, and other so-called liberal places I have.

I do have a mustache and the only time I have been directly harassed for that was in Los Angeles. I have mostly lived in liberal places but have also lived in Tennessee and now in a very small town in New Mexico and haven't experienced any problems. So for me, it seems totally random.

For me, if I got rid of my mustache I would still look butch so I don't think it would make me any safer from attacks. Facial hair on a female might freak some people out more but I would think in most cases it wouldn't make a big difference if you already look like a masculine female to begin with.

In really small towns (population of 800 people where I am at), people don't really have much room to hide if they are rude to someone. You are going to see the same people at the post office, the gas station, the convenience store over and over again, and I do find most people friendly.

I would say get a feel for the town and think about how much it means to you. I personally like having my mustache and don't plan to get rid of it, but if I was constantly getting harassed or felt uncomfortable I would consider it.

[Ascot]

I don't have any experience shaving facial hair, but by all accounts, it seems to make it more noticeable, particularly when it's growing out again. If downplaying its visibility is the concern, maybe bleaching it is a viable option? I joke about having a bit of a 'stache, but it's soft and light in color.

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by BullDog

In my experience getting harassed for looking butch/masculine female is totally random. Some places where I would think I would I haven't, and other so-called liberal places I have.

I do have a mustache and the only time I have been directly harassed for that was in Los Angeles. I have mostly lived in liberal places but have also lived in Tennessee and now in a very small town in New Mexico and haven't experienced any problems. So for me, it seems totally random.

For me, if I got rid of my mustache I would still look butch so I don't think it would make me any safer from attacks. Facial hair on a female might freak some people out more but I would think in most cases it wouldn't make a big difference if you already look like a masculine female to begin with.

In really small towns (population of 800 people where I am at), people don't really have much room to hide if they are rude to someone. You are going to see the same people at the post office, the gas station, the convenience store over and over again, and I do find most people friendly.

I would say get a feel for the town and think about how much it means to you. I personally like having my mustache and don't plan to get rid of it, but if I was constantly getting harassed or felt uncomfortable I would consider it.

A hairy update.lol

Chose to leave it be, but as it gets longer i'll trim and shave
areas.

Plan to create a handlebar 'stache if all goes well, and it should

when i talk the new doctor into putting me back on T (was on for several

years - stopped a few years ago with a doc change r/t move).

Thanx to all for advice and encouragement!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^cathexis^^^^^^^^^ ^^^

[BullDog]

Thanks for your hairy update!

Sounds good, especially the handlebar 'stache which is very cool. I hope your new town is treating you well and definitely keep us updated!.

Speaking of small towns and hair, I can't wait to go visit my friend in Albuquerque so I can get my haircut. We don't have much in the way of barbers here. Thank goodness for ball caps because I am really shaggy right now!

Originally Posted by cathexis

A hairy update.lol

Chose to leave it be, but as it gets longer i'll trim and shave
areas.

Plan to create a handlebar 'stache if all goes well, and it should

when i talk the new doctor into putting me back on T (was on for several

years - stopped a few years ago with a doc change r/t move).

Thanx to all for advice and encouragement!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^cathexis^^^^^^^^^ ^^^

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by BullDog

Thanks for your hairy update!

Sounds good, especially the handlebar 'stache which is very cool. I hope your new town is treating you well and definitely keep us updated!.

Speaking of small towns and hair, I can't wait to go visit my friend in Albuquerque so I can get my haircut. We don't have much in the way of barbers here. Thank goodness for ball caps because I am really shaggy right now!

Lived in New Mexico total of about 15 years of which 10 were in Albuq. Love

that city...looking West to Mt. Taylor...East to the Sandias...North, the

Sangria de Christos. Such beauty...low humidity...hot springs.

Will return in the next couple years.

Agree about small towns and haircuts, went to a unisex cutter 3 weeks ago.

Clueless about what i wanted, she said "you DON'T want something

feminine??!!!!! She said this as the clippers were gracing the sideburns.

Stood up shouting "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH" 'bout causing the clippers

to fall to the floor. No, no sideburns or nape of neck!

Maybe i'll invest in a trip to NYC for grooming...a bit traumatized so i get it

TOTALLY.

[Ascot]

I read an interesting article the other day, written by a gay man who identifies as Femme. I confess, even as my gender is Butch, I've never really given much thought to what it must be like on the other side. As many have stated in this thread and elsewhere, it can be tough being a masculine of center female out and about in the world. Still, I think for the most part, it is easier to be a masculinely presenting woman than it is a femininely presenting man. That's fucked up. It is yet another vile example of how things female/feminine/girly/whatever other adjective you want to insert are devalued because of their inherent nature. This might not even be really the right place for it, but it has been on my mind so I'm putting it out there.