Caregivers and Stress

[socialjustice_fsu]

There are times here lately the only solace I find is through tears and prayer. Does anyone else feel this way? I know this sounds so foolish but I watched a rerun of Frasier late tonight. It was the last one of the last season, I think. I cried until I almost made myself physically ill. It felt like a thousand tears was shed over this stupid rerun...then I wondered if all the fears and unknowns had to find an escape and this was it.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by socialjustice_fsu

There are times here lately the only solace I find is through tears and prayer. Does anyone else feel this way? I know this sounds so foolish but I watched a rerun of Frasier late tonight. It was the last one of the last season, I think. I cried until I almost made myself physically ill. It felt like a thousand tears was shed over this stupid rerun...then I wondered if all the fears and unknowns had to find an escape and this was it.

For me i am.just scared for my mom. Glad you had a release

[socialjustice_fsu]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

For me i am.just scared for my mom. Glad you had a release

Dee, I am so scared for my mom, too. I have never known fear this deep and wide. I am thinking of you and holding you close. Please know that.

[Greyson]

dee and sj, thank you for posting so honestly about your experience as caretakers. I had an assignment this past semester to write a piece about my experience of losing my mother and now caretaking for my elderly father. I discovered some things about myself that were both uplifting and other things about myself that gave me pause. No matter what there is going to be "feelings" involved you cannot get around that.

sj, you already know this but I will say it, the tears are there because of circumstances going on now and from past hurts and disappointment. The miracle for many of us is that we can still find some sort of reason, faith, grace to continue on and in time even with some joy still in us.

Both of you are strong, and intelligent women. You have earned the respect and love of many. Although we have never met "face-to-face" I have had the experience of benefitting from your presence and words here in this online community. My thoughts are respect are with you both.

[girl_dee]

you know what is hard is when you give your parent all of the love and understanding, patience and financial assistance you can, and its more than has ever been received. My mom and I are in a good place now, but I know in the heart of hearts its only because I am the only one of her three children that has anything to do with her. If I had nothing to offer her, I would be rejected as well, and I think that has caused me to do so much for her over my adult lifetime.

[socialjustice_fsu]

Originally Posted by Greyson

dee and sj, thank you for posting so honestly about your experience as caretakers. I had an assignment this past semester to write a piece about my experience of losing my mother and now caretaking for my elderly father. I discovered some things about myself that were both uplifting and other things about myself that gave me pause. No matter what there is going to be "feelings" involved you cannot get around that.

sj, you already know this but I will say it, the tears are there because of circumstances going on now and from past hurts and disappointment. The miracle for many of us is that we can still find some sort of reason, faith, grace to continue on and in time even with some joy still in us.

Both of you are strong, and intelligent women. You have earned the respect and love of many. Although we have never met "face-to-face" I have had the experience of benefitting from your presence and words here in this online community. My thoughts are respect are with you both.

Dear Greyson, I am so grateful for your post. It helped me keep going today. I am learning a great deal about myself and sometimes it does give me pause. As I have cared for my patient's in hospice over many years this is so very different. I am on the other side now. While I am so physically and emotionally weary I have certainly been enlightened. I find the tears (sometimes) to be some sort of cleansing ritual - for lack of a better description. When I moved home to mom's I walked into a less than ideal situation. I suppose I was in denial for months. But that is the past. I can only move forward. I do find some solace through prayer and meditation.
You have no idea what your thoughts have meant to me. You are wise, insightful and will be one of the best hospice chaplains to walk this earth. Go forward with your passion...not many of us ever find it.
Peace, my friend, peace.

[Andrea]

As my honey's diseases progress, I have taken on more of the responsibility but I know I need to take on more. This is hard for us because for the 10 plus years we have been together, I have been the income earner and he has taken care of me.

Now I need to learn to cook (it has been years) and find the energy to work, keep the house, etc. And I want to do it gently so he doesn't feel guilty about not being able to accomplish what he used to.

I feel like I am walking a fine line and am very surprised there aren't local support groups for care givers.

I find being his memory is one of the most energy draining parts of taking care of us.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent.

[socialjustice_fsu]

my precious mom is coming home from being in a physical rehab facility for 2 months following a major stroke. I will be her care giver. Although the CNA's, PT and OT have taught me so much related to caring for her I continue to feel inept. The thought of this dependency on me is overwhelming. We do have home health coming in starting next week. Mom is a one person assist with almost everything. She lost most of her vision, her speech has been affected and her left side is basically useless. I try not to think about the future too much but right now I seem to be doing a lot of 'what if's.' My health is not too good. Open heart 4 years ago, 1 MI and the constant fear of another one. My 35 year old daughter lives with mom and I. She is not a kind person and is a hindrance in most ways. Always wanting to argue....Not sure if I can tolerate that part too well. My mom has always been my daughter's enabler and subsequently it has created something similar to a tyrant. Mom has refused to make her move - only to rescue her one more time. She is a full time college student so at least she is earning a degree with good grades.
All I can do is take it one day at a time.
I am grateful for this place to simply talk it out and know I am not alone.