Can a poly/mono work?

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've been thinking about this again, having gone out on a couple of dates.

I'm "monogamish" meaning, I'm fairly monogamous emotionally. I don't really go out looking for other people to get involved with, I don't feel I need it. I don't mind having extra curricular sex if it's offered but to me more than one relationship is, frankly, a fucking headache.

I'm a submissive. Dealing with the demands of more than one dominant is a pain in the fucking ass.

I need a lot of alone time, a lot of time for my career, my friends. I'm pretty happy with being single because of the time and peace and quiet it gives me. So I find monogamous relationships too intense. They pretty much require that they are my main focus in life. I am my main focus in life. I am my primary partner/relationship. I find it difficult when dating monogamous folk to get them to SLOW DOWN. Take it easy. I'd prefer if you didn't call me or text me every day. Not because I don't want to talk to you, but I don't talk to anyone every day.

Its highly unlikely I'd find anyone to have sex with outside a relationship- I've been single 4 years and I haven't had sex for 2 years now, cause there isn't anyone. I need brains, humour and a casual relaxed fit to have sex. I'm fully in support of hook ups, or friendship with benefits, or sex buddies. But I have no idea where I could get that. I don't see anything possible like that for a middle aged femme in my city.

So I would be one of those people who is mostly monogamous that would be fine with poly, depending on how the poly was done. I'm also happy to be someone's secondary these days because then their desire to have a nesting partner and be domestic with someone is already fulfilled. I can be the fun date a couple times a month to go and do great things with, eat great food and then have amazing sex. Then they go home and Argue about taking out the trash with someone who wants to share a bathroom with them.

[JDeere]

There is ALOT of different politics involved, that's for sure. That is one main thing that keeps me from getting too serious, I have issues dealing with certain things that are involved in a poly/mono.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Way back when I first posted in this thread I believe I stated something along the lines of.
It would depend on the type of Poly relationship and frankly the type of person the "mono" individual is. For in my experience there are about as many different types of Poly, many different types of Poly Homes and even Leather Homes.
None of that matters without 100% open communication among all parties from the first that continues. As others have said I don't think jealousy is what could end it. Not if all involved are communicating needs, if all want the relationship, and in my opinion people are either hard wired to be Poly or to be Mono. Every relationship takes works sometimes question is are you and the others willing to do the gut wrenching wrok that may pop up.
Why turn away a chance from being happy unless of course you know you won't be happy.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by LoyalWolfsBlade

Way back when I first posted in this thread I believe I stated something along the lines of.
It would depend on the type of Poly relationship and frankly the type of person the "mono" individual is. For in my experience there are about as many different types of Poly, many different types of Poly Homes and even Leather Homes.
None of that matters without 100% open communication among all parties from the first that continues. As others have said I don't think jealousy is what could end it. Not if all involved are communicating needs, if all want the relationship, and in my opinion people are either hard wired to be Poly or to be Mono. Every relationship takes works sometimes question is are you and the others willing to do the gut wrenching wrok that may pop up.
Why turn away a chance from being happy unless of course you know you won't be happy.

Taking a chance could be the best thing some folks ever do for themselves and their relationships.

[kittygrrl]

I don't agree that jealousy doesn't play a role in couples splitting. It is a symptom of issues in the relationship. Jealousy is alive and well in most of us. We all want to be cherished and poly play can make you feel less then-unless you live in SF then it's just same ole, same ole

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I don't agree that jealousy doesn't play a role in couples splitting. It is a symptom of issues in the relationship. Jealousy is alive and well in most of us. We all want to be cherished and poly play can make you feel less then-unless you live in SF then it's just same ole, same ole

Jealousy happens in any relationship, poly or not.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Jealousy happens in any relationship, poly or not.

i'm not sure about that, it really depends, it shouldn't be a given.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Taking a chance could be the best thing some folks ever do for themselves and their relationships.

Oh agreed but it could also be a ticking time bomb waiting for just that right moment. In my opinion you should prepare for both to minmize any damage. Just a thought.
Alix or al

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by LoyalWolfsBlade

Oh agreed but it could also be a ticking time bomb waiting for just that right moment. In my opinion you should prepare for both to minmize any damage. Just a thought.
Alix or al

Right, there are always risks and preparations are a good thing just in case.

[JDeere]

Bump bump.....