Caregivers and Stress

[girl_dee]

it seems like most of us are looking after our mothers. .........

Mine told me yesterday she was not well and could not get out of bed the entire day. Said she had fever and couldn't breathe well.. but not bad enough to go to the hospital. I was so worried i didn't sleep all night.

First thing this morning I texted her... there is always this sinking feeling waiting for her response. She did reply that she was feeling a little better. Great i thought. .. but again she says she is just not well.

Well a little while later she sent at text to me, that was obviously for one of her
posse buddies at the home..

"Yes, i texted you earlier,,, i am better, I'm going downstairs"....

I said well thats great mom! Have a nice time with your friends..

She says " I am still sick i just think the fresh air will help me"

She will NOT give me anything positive, ever. She wants me to think she is miserable and on death's door.

WHY????

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

it seems like most of us are looking after our mothers. .........

Mine told me yesterday she was not well and could not get out of bed the entire day. Said she had fever and couldn't breathe well.. but not bad enough to go to the hospital. I was so worried i didn't sleep all night.

First thing this morning I texted her... there is always this sinking feeling waiting for her response. She did reply that she was feeling a little better. Great i thought. .. but again she says she is just not well.

Well a little while later she sent at text to me, that was obviously for one of her
posse buddies at the home..

"Yes, i texted you earlier,,, i am better, I'm going downstairs"....

I said well thats great mom! Have a nice time with your friends..

She says " I am still sick i just think the fresh air will help me"

She will NOT give me anything positive, ever. She wants me to think she is miserable and on death's door.

WHY????

I went through the same thing with my mom. I don't believe even medication can help. As I've gotten older, I see why my mom felt the way she did. It's natural as you get older to see you are approaching the great unknown..some welcome it, others are frightened..In the end I think they greet it with a certain amount of relief and anticipation..From my own experience I would tell you to accept where your mom is. She does not feel well. There is a reason for it-it's called old age. Accept it and try to take it in stride and weird as it may feel to you, try very hard to appreciate and savor the good moments you have with your mom, yes even the bad moments! One day when she is gone you will be so happy you spent the time holding her hand and listening to her aches and pains. Give her some of your very positive energy..even if she doesn't believe in it. I wish the best for you and your mom<B

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I went through the same thing with my mom. I don't believe even medication can help. As I've gotten older, I see why my mom felt the way she did. It's natural as you get older to see you are approaching the great unknown..some welcome it, others are frightened..In the end I think they greet it with a certain amount of relief and anticipation..From my own experience I would tell you to accept where your mom is. She does not feel well. There is a reason for it-it's called old age. Accept it and try to take it in stride and weird as it may feel to you, try very hard to appreciate and savor the good moments you have with your mom, yes even the bad moments! One day when she is gone you will be so happy you spent the time holding her hand and listening to her aches and pains. Give her some of your very positive energy..even if she doesn't believe in it. I wish the best for you and your mom<B

thank you. this helped A LOT.

[Chad]

My mom's neighbor is back saying that he will buy mom's house. I hope that he fallows through this time because I need to have mom here with me.

I have great hope that this deal will go through.

[Chad]

Mom is coming for the weekend and we are going to a party at our relatives' house. I said okay I will smoke some ribs. She said good but what are you cooking for Easter dinner?

Easter! I forgot all about it.

Looks like I will spend the weekend cooking, grilling, and smoking food.

[girl_dee]

Chad that's great that you have that relationship with your mom.

Since i moved away my mom really likes to lay a guilt trip on me, and she is laying it on real thick. Much of my family is coming here (Goddess help me, we are a rowdy bunch) and she isn't. i can't help that. She is going to try everything she can to ruin it for me, so unfortunately i have to limit my communication with her, which makes me sad. she knows i am so happy here.

Each quick hello ends up with her dumping on me, and my feeling like total crap for not being there.

This goes back so far, and its so deep. i cannot imagine doing this to my kids.

[Chad]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Chad that's great that you have that relationship with your mom.

Since i moved away my mom really likes to lay a guilt trip on me, and she is laying it on real thick. Much of my family is coming here (Goddess help me, we are a rowdy bunch) and she isn't. i can't help that. She is going to try everything she can to ruin it for me, so unfortunately i have to limit my communication with her, which makes me sad. she knows i am so happy here.

Each quick hello ends up with her dumping on me, and my feeling like total crap for not being there.

This goes back so far, and its so deep. i cannot imagine doing this to my kids.

I am sorry to hear about your strained relationship with your mother.

My situation is very stressful because of my work load and business travel. My mother and I get along okay for short periods of time but eventually get on each other's nerves. I am the only one left in my family so it is my responsibility to take care of her and help to enrich her life.

I respect her and honor her because she is my mother. It is not easy but it is necessary