Ask a trans person!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by DaddyChrisCo

Ummm by your definition this is a lesbian site not a queer site.. I don't understand why people have to worry about others bedrooms? Also by your definition STONE BUTCHES would not be lesbians either... so confused who qualifies... In the end your view and the views of other who may share this view dont dictate who others love or their identity... More love in this world and acceptance is what the world truely needs

Yes. If this was a lesbian site, by the above definition..."women loving women with no sexual boundaries", then the site would be cut by probably 75%.

It is my understanding, that this is a butch (as gender) and femme (as gender) site. There is also a long tradition of people who regard themselves as either completely outside of, or somewhat outside of, what is male or female (aka trans), being on a forum like this.

Some of us happen to identify as lesbian, as well.

The site is more about gender and who we are, than who we fuck, in my opinion. We are here because we are all queer and the butch-femme dynamic speaks to us in some way. Some of us have been together since 1998 when another butch-femme forum opened.

[AmazonDC]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Yes. If this was a lesbian site, by the above definition..."women loving women with no sexual boundaries", then the site would be cut by probably 75%.

It is my understanding, that this is a butch (as gender) and femme (as gender) site. There is also a long tradition of people who regard themselves as either completely outside of, or somewhat outside of, what is male or female (aka trans), being on a forum like this.

Some of us happen to identify as lesbian, as well.

The site is more about gender and who we are, than who we fuck, in my opinion. We are here because we are all queer and the butch-femme dynamic speaks to us in some way. Some of us have been together since 1998 when another butch-femme forum opened.

I remember the old site... I'm not trying to disrespect anyone on here but for someone to make it seem like peoe who aren't cut and dry just lesbians is disrespectful in itself.ty Dapper foe your input..

[Kobi]

First off, Gemme I was not including you in the 4. So you can nix that misconception.

As far as the rest I am now confused.

You tell us a FTM means a female to a male. And a MTF means a male to female.

I am not questioning how you got to male or female. I am factoring your self identity into the definitions of sexual orientation.

But now it appears you are saying sexual orientation, like gender, is a social construct. Hence, sexual orientation must be looked at as irrelevant and immaterial to who people are and how they see themselves.

Thats going to be news to those of us who see ourselves as gay, lesbian, homosexual and bisexual. Being gay, lesbian, homosexual, or bisexual is a huge part of who we are, how we define ourselves, the essence of who we are, and how we relate to the world. Whether it is too narrowly focused for YOUR tastes does not mean WE have to change to accommodate YOU.

It means we have the right to be seen for who we are, by our definition, for us. And, that definition is for us to make not you. This is our identity and it should be honored and respected, not negated, hijacked, or misconstrued to be something else.

If this doesnt suit another part of the spectrum, who thinks they have the right to define gay, lesbians, homosexual, and bisexuals people in a way that suits themselves is a problem of another sort.

The fact this is not seen as negating, homophobic, lesbophobic, biphobic and downright rude is very disturbing. It is a giant slap in the face and very disturbing.

[Kobi]

And while I am at, let me say this as well.

And, in my 61 years, I was never subjected to any outright display of homophobia by the public. I am now.

As an atypical woman who is very proud to be a woman, who accepts and really likes all her female parts, and who has always done woman my way, I am tired of well meaning people in the world thinking they are doing something noble, sensitive, and accepting by referring to my atypicalness as trans.

It is a royal slap in the face to me. They dont mean to be derogatory or rude, nor do they even understand they are being derogatory and rude. But they are. And that narrative didnt come from me. But, I have to continually address it.

I also now get called a fucking faggot by people who are upset by and confused by transgenderism. They are equating trans with gay, gender with sexual orientation because they see an umbrella that starts with LGB, thus everything thereafter is also LBG. It is easier for them to call me a fucking faggot than to flip thru the manual so know who they are really upset with.

I got used to being scrutinized when I went into gender segregated public bathrooms and locker rooms. Now, I get antsy because people equate me with something I am not and see me as a threat to them and their children.

And, I come here, someplace that should be a safe place for me and I get more shit from people who should know better. Why does this happen? Cuz I have the audacity to stand up stand up for being a proud biological woman and a lesbian.

And, you accuse me of not acting in MY best interests because you dont like how I vote or how I decide who to vote for. Gays, blacks, immigrants not voting democrat? OMG what a sacrilege.

And yet, when I do act in MY best interests as a woman and a lesbian and speak to it, you tell me I dont have the right to do that cuz my definitions are too narrow for your tastes?

You want me to have your back but apparently it is a one way street. There is no reciprocity. And any attempt to discuss it is automatically denounced as transphobic when you actual behavior is homophobic.

There is something screwed up in the way people think these days and it keeps getting more and more screwy and disturbing.

[AmazonDC]

Originally Posted by Kobi

And while I am at, let me say this as well.

And, in my 61 years, I was never subjected to any outright display of homophobia by the public. I am now.

As an atypical woman who is very proud to be a woman, who accepts and really likes all her female parts, and who has always done woman my way, I am tired of well meaning people in the world thinking they are doing something noble, sensitive, and accepting by referring to my atypicalness as trans.

It is a royal slap in the face to me. They dont mean to be derogatory or rude, nor do they even understand they are being derogatory and rude. But they are. And that narrative didnt come from me. But, I have to continually address it.

I also now get called a fucking faggot by people who are upset by and confused by transgenderism. They are equating trans with gay, gender with sexual orientation because they see an umbrella that starts with LGB, thus everything thereafter is also LBG. It is easier for them to call me a fucking faggot than to flip thru the manual so know who they are really upset with.

I got used to being scrutinized when I went into gender segregated public bathrooms and locker rooms. Now, I get antsy because people equate me with something I am not and see me as a threat to them and their children.

And, I come here, someplace that should be a safe place for me and I get more shit from people who should know better. Why does this happen? Cuz I have the audacity to stand up stand up for being a proud biological woman and a lesbian.

And, you accuse me of not acting in MY best interests because you dont like how I vote or how I decide who to vote for. Gays, blacks, immigrants not voting democrat? OMG what a sacrilege.

And yet, when I do act in MY best interests as a woman and a lesbian and speak to it, you tell me I dont have the right to do that cuz my definitions are too narrow for your tastes?

You want me to have your back but apparently it is a one way street. There is no reciprocity. And any attempt to discuss it is automatically denounced as transphobic when you actual behavior is homophobic.

There is something screwed up in the way people think these days and it keeps getting more and more screwy and disturbing.

First no one said do by be proud too be a woman.. I said don't make your views the ma factory view.. I never said anything about your political views either so don't k ow where that is coming from.. it seems to Me someone mistreated you so now you don't like that which you were seen as.. that's not My fault it's societies fault... I ha e had to use the male bathroom since I was 15 do to no doing of Myh own do I k ow very well about the struggles and bei g called faggot and Dyke and freak... Mobil you do you bud I am done with this thread as it is called ask trans anything and no. Trans are in here mucking it up.. have a good weekend and try to let that chip on your shoulder go.. I am not the enemy.. narrow mindedness is

[Medusa]

Folks:


We have had some reported posts in the last couple of days so let me clarify a few things so that we can keep this discussion moving:

1. This is a queer site, not just a lesbian site, and most certainly not just a site for Butches and Femmes.

2. The Butch and Femme Community has always consisted of people who identify in all different kinds of ways. That is not always comfortable for other people but we need to be focusing on how we identify within ourselves and not policing how other people identify.

3. Who you fuck does not determine how you can identify. That is a patriarchal notion that often subjugates women and gay men based on who gets penetrated, and obviously that's bullshit.

4. Gender is fluid, unless it isn't for you. Identity is contextual, unless it isn't for you. Your Feminism may adjust based on your experiences, unless it doesn't. Bottom line, how you do you is your business and how other people do them is their business. That doesn't mean we don't question bad behavior or call out sexism, but when it comes to personal identity politics maybe we can put more energy into listening to each other and less energy into telling each other who you must be based on my own narrative.


Also? It is super problematic to have folks who don't identify as Trans in a Trans thread telling Trans people about their lives as much as it is having folks who don't identify as Lesbian in a Lesbian thread telling Lesbians about their lives. Let's be conscious of one another's space, ok?


Thanks,
Angie