Gender Wars - A Femme's Perspective

[adorable]

Originally Posted by apretty

please don't take this as a slight, but because this is in the *femme* zone and you've made it clear in other thread/threads that you do not identify as *femme*--could you speak to the identity-place that you're posting from?

i think it matters. thank you.

Wow. I hope you got everything you hoped for out of that.

[apretty]

or, you could just answer the question, claire.

Originally Posted by adorable

Wow. I hope you got everything you hoped for out of that.

[Nat]

adorable - it confused me too that you said earlier that you are not a femme and now you are speaking from femme perspective. It sounds like you are feminine and queer and a woman but may not id as a femme. Would that be accurate? If so, I'm sure your experiences and insights overlap plenty of femme experiences/insights whether or not you have claimed the ID "femme" for yourself.

[adorable]

Originally Posted by Nat

adorable - it confused me too that you said earlier that you are not a femme and now you are speaking from femme perspective. It sounds like you are feminine and queer and a woman but may not id as a femme. Would that be accurate? If so, I'm sure your experiences and insights overlap plenty of femme experiences/insights whether or not you have claimed the ID "femme" for yourself.

I can't be for sure (I never am totally for sure on apretty but I think she comes from a good place ) but I think she was asking for you to speak from your own gender experience out of a need for clarity and consistency and was not attempting to put you down.

What on earth difference does it make? Femme's post in the butch zone. Everyone posts in the trans zone and so far almost every ID has been in the lesbian zone.

So unless someone finds my post insulting or there is something WRONG with my post - I don't see how the fact that I don't ID as a femme has any bearing on that. And I didn't post from a femme perspective. I agreed with two femme's perspectives. I posted from MY perspective as a woman who lives and breathes just like other women.

But unlike others on here I have been asked to show MY queer card for consistency? Right.

Well since what you are asking for is to me to justify how come *I* can post where I please let me list all the things I can think of that might get me past the gatekeepers.

My GENDER is woman.
MY ID QUEER
I am 5'6" tall.
I have two girls and am a single mother.
I own my own home and have a valid driver's license.
I work full time.
I wear lipstick.
I worked two full time jobs AS a single mother and earned a bachelor's degree in War Crimes.
I don't wear underwear.
I liked to be fucked by mean TGs while I call them daddy.
I also like to fuck mean women who call me daddi.
I drink unsweet Ice Tea
I wear mini skirts occasionally, heels too
I have knocked out a man with an unopened can of diet pepsi
I run a business
I drive an Impala with heated leather seats
I'm fat but sadly not in the right places anymore
I work with LGBT youth in my community
I am a published author
I was passed over for a promotion once because I was a woman



If there is anything else that you need to know for me to be able to post, by all means let me know....

[Nat]

Hmm, perhaps this is a good illustration of gender tensions that can rise up -defensiveness of and possible hostility/"gate-keeping" toward women who don't identify as butch or femme.

The term "femme" and I had to wrestle a lot before we were comfortable with each other, and I did feel more defensive or like the environment was more hostile in some ways back then. It's interesting to see the shoe on the other foot.

I like iced tea too

[MsMerrick]

Originally Posted by adorable

What on earth difference does it make? Femme's post in the butch zone. Everyone posts in the trans zone and so far almost every ID has been in the lesbian zone.

So unless someone finds my post insulting or there is something WRONG with my post - I don't see how the fact that I don't ID as a femme has any bearing on that. And I didn't post from a femme perspective. I agreed with two femme's perspectives. I posted from MY perspective as a woman who lives and breathes just like other women.

But unlike others on here I have been asked to show MY queer card for consistency? Right.

Well since what you are asking for is to me to justify how come *I* can post where I please let me list all the things I can think of that might get me past the gatekeepers.

My GENDER is woman.
MY ID QUEER
I am 5'6" tall.
I have two girls and am a single mother.
I own my own home and have a valid driver's license.
I work full time.
I wear lipstick.
I worked two full time jobs AS a single mother and earned a bachelor's degree in War Crimes.
I don't wear underwear.
I liked to be fucked by mean TGs while I call them daddy.
I also like to fuck mean women who call me daddi.
I drink unsweet Ice Tea
I wear mini skirts occasionally, heels too
I have knocked out a man with an unopened can of diet pepsi
I run a business
I drive an Impala with heated leather seats
I'm fat but sadly not in the right places anymore
I work with LGBT youth in my community
I am a published author
I was passed over for a promotion once because I was a woman



If there is anything else that you need to know for me to be able to post, by all means let me know....

I think you were simply asked to clarify.
Those of us, who do ID as Femme, often spent some time struggling with it.
I would have asked the same, if I had known that you did not. I note, no one asked you NOT to Post, simply asked from what perspective, were you indeed posting. I don't gate keep the word Queer, or the word Femme. Nonetheless, this is a Femme's Perspective Thread, and as such, if you are posting in it and don't identify as Femme, a certain amount of explanation/clarification, seems at the very least..polite, imho, of course
I am also a great fan of Iced Tea, minimally sweetened if at all ; )

[adorable]

Originally Posted by MsMerrick

I think you were simply asked to clarify.
Those of us, who do ID as Femme, often spent some time struggling with it.
I would have asked the same, if I had known that you did not. I note, no one asked you NOT to Post, simply asked from what perspective, were you indeed posting. I don't gate keep the word Queer, or the word Femme. Nonetheless, this is a Femme's Perspective Thread, and as such, if you are posting in it and don't identify as Femme, a certain amount of explanation/clarification, seems at the very least..polite, imho, of course
I am also a great fan of Iced Tea, minimally sweetened if at all ; )

And yet it's not asked of others who post in other threads to which they don't claim that particular ID?

And it's based on what? If my post had been dismissive, or disrespectful or out of line - ok - I could see that. In fact I HAVE seen that.
Since it wasn't...
Why is this zone, different then other zone's?
Why would you ask me to clarify *IF* you knew that I didn't ID as a femme?
Butch or Femme for me are not genders - I actually don't claim either for myself out of respect for those who do.. regardless - I find it odd that I am asked to clarify who I am in order to post.
Does someone's gender or personal ID change the truth or un-truth in what they say?
If people are going to start reading posts along these lines and people collectively are going to be questioned about who they are so that other people can determine if their post is worthy of consideration - it does take away from the discussion factor...
It also puts those of us in the other category left out of discussions that matter just as much to us as everyone else.

[SassyLeo]

Adorable-

Reading your posts about not ID'ing as Femme has triggered something really huge for me. And this is not specifically directed at you, it just happens that the context of the conversation made me realize...

I feel really fucking protective of "Femme". As in, when I finally figured out that Femme was the right word to use to describe how I feel about ME, it was like the OMG A-ha moment.

And FOR ME, I feel like FEMME is a Queer denominator.

To people in the world, outside my community, I appear as a straight woman. Even though I work with many Queer folk at my job, no one had any idea I was Queer. One woman who is partnered and I have been work-friends with, was shocked when one day I was talking about Erin and used "she". I out myself everyday. And luckily I work for a company which celebrates diversity.

So, for me, FEMME is how I get to differentiate myself, how I say to the world: "I am Queer. I can look however I want, I don't fit in your stereotypes. I may "appear" as what you call a straight woman, but I AM NOT."

I know that not everyone feels the same as I do. I know there are people out there in the world who are like none of us on the site who use this word to describe themselves. However Femme looks to me is different than you and everyone else in the community. And yet, I find it hard to not care if some random straight woman in Missouri calls herself a Femme. It should make no difference to me since she is not connected to my/your Queer world... but it does.

[MsMerrick]

Originally Posted by adorable

And yet it's not asked of others who post in other threads to which they don't claim that particular ID?

But of course it is.. When someone asks for the butch perspective, and I go and post, although in all honesty I tend to refrain..But let's just say I do.. People do ask why ..

Originally Posted by adorable

Why is this zone, different then other zone's?
Why would you ask me to clarify *IF* you knew that I didn't ID as a femme?
Butch or Femme for me are not genders - I actually don't claim either for myself out of respect for those who do.. regardless - I find it odd that I am asked to clarify who I am in order to post.

Well first of all, I repeat, no on asked you not to post
That has been repeated, nicely several times, and its also very clear in the original post. Why you keep repeating it, I don't know.
But to answer the first part, this zone is no different, the OP, specifically asked for a Femme Perspective,m and that make sit different from other Threads, that don't state that in their Opening Post. But again I say, No One has Asked you, NOT TO POST
ok ?
Does yelling it help ? I prefer not to yell but I also prefer for people to actually read what I said. And I don't like it when people read in something, that wasn't there, nor even thought.

Originally Posted by adorable

Does someone's gender or personal ID change the truth or un-truth in what they say?

Good grief, a perspective, is a exactly that ! Not a Truth with a capital T. And yes, ones experience, ones identification, all those things color our perspective.

Originally Posted by adorable

If people are going to start reading posts along these lines and people collectively are going to be questioned about who they are so that other people can determine if their post is worthy of consideration - it does take away from the discussion factor...
It also puts those of us in the other category left out of discussions that matter just as much to us as everyone else.

Yeah well but you see..None of that..actually happened ..
Do you write scripts for faux News or something ?