Caregivers and Stress

Teddybear · 10-22-2017, 02:22 PM

So I had a meeting at corporate on my new job and was told it isn't just being over one department but I am now the NEW Assistant Safety Manager in training to take over the department

I called and told my mom with my baby brother there. Now no one wants to talk about a move for her or me.

I have tried to get the dialogue started only to be shot down by her and them. Everyone wants to wait until the last minute.

I don't understand how they expect that to what we should do.

What if she decides not to come with me I am left waiting until them to find a place wth? What if she decides to go to one of them? Are they coming here to get her? What about her house?

I am a planner and I have to have a plan. I moved here with only 1 day to pack and move. I wont do it again. I seem to be swimming against the current yes I am strong but dam.

I want her taken care of im just not sure if it is me who is the best for her at this point.

Kelt · 11-09-2017, 01:05 PM

Let me start by saying I'm dictating this into an iPad, so please forgive the inevitable grammar and word use issues.

Well, 10 days ago mom went down real hard. It was one of those phone calls that make you throw the suitcase in the car and drop everything. I think she'll be OK in the long run but it could also be a tipping point, she'll either go up or down from here. She took a fall in the kitchen and broke her upper arm very badly up by the ball of the shoulder and also cracked her pelvis. Had surgery the next day and replaced the ball half of the shoulder joint. I've been having all kinds of trouble in her town trying to find enough resources. I got her out of the hospital a couple of days ago and now she's in a group home, contracted physical therapy starts today, so I will see how it goes. Since she is not in a nursing home, that means that the 100 days of Medicare paid room and board does not apply. Everything is out of pocket, Ouch!

I believe that she can completely heal, 80 to 90% anyway. It's going to be a matter of compliance on her part and since she has been in the hospital for a week and now yet another unfamiliar setting her dementia is kicking in fully and she is completely spun out. I want to get her back into her own place as soon as possible so that she can start comprehending what's going on. I know that going forward, assuming I can get her back into her apartment, the amount of additional staff I will have for her will be going up on a permanent basis, she needs it.

For myself I really wish this had happened in the spring. There are three mountain passes between us and we're just starting snow season. The passes are frequently closed for a few days at a time all throughout the winter, they are nasty and remote. Oh well, when it's mom I will do whatever has to be done.

Of course since she had been doing so well for the last year and a half I finally decided to go ahead and do some big improvements on my house. So now there are a lot more scheduling issues to work around. But that's about me, and this is about her. She's a hell of a lot more important.

So I guess that's my update, things are going to get interesting…

Chad · 11-29-2017, 06:29 PM

I took today off work to take mom to the hospital for a nuclear CT on her spine. It was 5 hours of driving and 4 hours at the hospital. I hope they can help her with the pain now that they have images.

Chad · 12-17-2017, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

I took today off work to take mom to the hospital for a nuclear CT on her spine. It was 5 hours of driving and 4 hours at the hospital. I hope they can help her with the pain now that they have images.

Update:

Mom has to have a psychological exam before they will install a tens unit in her back. This makes me angry because we have to go back to the hospital for 2 hours for this. My mom is the most sane and stable person that I know. Now I have to take off work to take her to this stupid appointment. I plan to give that psychiatrist a piece of my mind for making a 85 year old woman go through all this for pain relief. Ugh!

girl_dee · 12-17-2017, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

Update:

Mom has to have a psychological exam before they will install a tens unit in her back. This makes me angry because we have to go back to the hospital for 2 hours for this. My mom is the most sane and stable person that I know. Now I have to take off work to take her to this stupid appointment. I plan to give that psychiatrist a piece of my mind for making a 85 year old woman go through all this for pain relief. Ugh!

Gosh that’s insane. i think they milk our elderly for everything they can get when they can.

Each time my mom goes to the ER (used to be a regular thing, since i have moved away not once) they had her taking every senseless test you can imagine. Of course this all put more fear in her mind.

Chad · 12-17-2017, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Gosh that’s insane. i think they milk our elderly for everything they can get when they can.

Each time my mom goes to the ER (used to be a regular thing, since i have moved away not once) they had her taking every senseless test you can imagine. Of course this all put more fear in her mind.

Seriously Dee, this is ridiculous! I agree with you that this is some kind of sick joke to milk the elderly out of money. That Psychiatrist will wish that she never met me. I am a bear when it comes to protecting my family.

I am sorry that your mom suffered.

JustLovelyJenn · 12-21-2017, 10:50 PM

I have a lot to unload... its been months... since my life has been stable enough to even come here and talk to you all and so much has happened.

SO... I guess we will start with today, how things are right now.

My son is going to be admitted to a long term inpatient psychiatric facility in the next few weeks. We are on a waiting list. They told us when there is an opening we will have about a weeks notice. The program he is going to will have him out of my house for up to a year.

Its been a really long road to get here, and my whole life has been turned upside down in the process. My son went to juvie twice for attacking me, we had to apply, and appeal and fight for this placement, and while we did that... I had to find a way to keep my daughter safe and out of the local youth shelter where she had been staying every time my son became to aggressive. During his last stay at juvie, the judge told us he did not want to release my son if he would be going back to live with me and my daughter who he kept attacking.

SO... I asked my parents (who are retired and have been living in their motor home for a couple years now) to move into my house with my son and I rented a second home to take my daughter to. Now I am trying to manage my sons needs with my mother, from a second location. I am paying twice the rent, twice the utilities, and when he finally goes into this program... I will loose his SSI income to help maintain those payments.

I am still fighting and advocating for him and my family, and while he is away I will be spending more money and time to visit him and work with the team there to help him hopefully return home and be more successful.

His more aggressive attacks as of recently have left me with some pretty severe ptsd symptoms and I am finally seeking a therapist for myself.

Its so much, and I know I haven't really processed any of it yet. I know I need to start fitting in more self care to keep it up.

Teddybear · 11-29-2017, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teddybear

So I had a meeting at corporate on my new job and was told it isn't just being over one department but I am now the NEW Assistant Safety Manager in training to take over the department

I called and told my mom with my baby brother there. Now no one wants to talk about a move for her or me.

I have tried to get the dialogue started only to be shot down by her and them. Everyone wants to wait until the last minute.

I don't understand how they expect that to what we should do.

What if she decides not to come with me I am left waiting until them to find a place wth? What if she decides to go to one of them? Are they coming here to get her? What about her house?

I am a planner and I have to have a plan. I moved here with only 1 day to pack and move. I wont do it again. I seem to be swimming against the current yes I am strong but dam.

I want her taken care of im just not sure if it is me who is the best for her at this point.

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I moved to Little Rock without her. She went with my baby brother for almost 2 weeks before she went to stay with my older brother which was the plan since BB( baby brother) was to travel for his job however there seems to be a wrinkle now as he has lost his job or he quit. So now she is hoping he wont find new job and they will end u back at her house.

Up until my mom got to the OB(oldest of my 2 brothers) she had no clue if they had a room on the main floor for her. They did under OB and his wife's bedroom. I'm not sure how that is going to work since she gets up early and wants to talk to me on my way to work and to BB. When we call her it wakes him. She wont call us unless we haven't called her until OB and his wife have left for work.

Seems she is dragging her feet about finding a doctor because of her hope of going home. I have tried to tell her the BB will find a job and it wont be where she lives. She I having no part of it.

I think she will be with me around Feb if not before only time will tell. I will keep yall updated.

I

Kelt · 12-15-2017, 02:26 PM

Update:

It's been just six weeks and things have been going extremely well. I've spent a couple of those weeks with her and know where I'm lucky, the caregivers queue up to be the one who gets her, she really is one of the sweetest little old ladies you'd ever meet. I know it's common for folks to turn mean or difficult but she is really good about being grateful and finding things to be positive about (once I've reminded her a few times

).

So rehab has been going well we got rid of the wheelchair about 10 days ago for anything other than off-site transport and the sling came off two days ago. She walks around with nothing but a cane and a somewhat hovering nurse through the house, rehab group home actually, and it has really helped with her spirits and feeling some sense of control returning. I figure within a month or so we can start talking about how she wants to go forward, either in her apartment with more added assistance, or some other options if she wants.

When she saw the surgeon and got the go ahead to ditch the sling and start occupational therapy for the shoulder he noticed a small anomaly along the incision line and removed the questionable tissue with instructions for wound care twice a day to be performed by her private nurse and added some antibiotics as an abundance of caution.

Just got a call from the lab, yep, it's MRSA. Fuck.

girl_dee · 12-16-2017, 09:40 PM

my mom and i had a convo today that at one time would have ruined my day. i stayed steady and steered us in a good direction, and it ended well.

She is almost 80, and i can see the lapses more all the time, but still she has been through so much in her life, it’s a wonder she is still here.

Hugs to all...

10-22-2017, 02:22 PM	#1
Teddybear Senior Member How Do You Identify?: by my name Preferred Pronoun?: He, him Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Here there everywhere. Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,620 Thanked 6,233 Times in 1,687 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	So I had a meeting at corporate on my new job and was told it isn't just being over one department but I am now the NEW Assistant Safety Manager in training to take over the department I called and told my mom with my baby brother there. Now no one wants to talk about a move for her or me. I have tried to get the dialogue started only to be shot down by her and them. Everyone wants to wait until the last minute. I don't understand how they expect that to what we should do. What if she decides not to come with me I am left waiting until them to find a place wth? What if she decides to go to one of them? Are they coming here to get her? What about her house? I am a planner and I have to have a plan. I moved here with only 1 day to pack and move. I wont do it again. I seem to be swimming against the current yes I am strong but dam. I want her taken care of im just not sure if it is me who is the best for her at this point. __________________ I am ME take me as I am or leave me be..

11-29-2017, 06:29 PM	#3
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,312 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers I took today off work to take mom to the hospital for a nuclear CT on her spine. It was 5 hours of driving and 4 hours at the hospital. I hope they can help her with the pain now that they have images.

12-21-2017, 10:50 PM	#7
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,991 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I have a lot to unload... its been months... since my life has been stable enough to even come here and talk to you all and so much has happened. SO... I guess we will start with today, how things are right now. My son is going to be admitted to a long term inpatient psychiatric facility in the next few weeks. We are on a waiting list. They told us when there is an opening we will have about a weeks notice. The program he is going to will have him out of my house for up to a year. Its been a really long road to get here, and my whole life has been turned upside down in the process. My son went to juvie twice for attacking me, we had to apply, and appeal and fight for this placement, and while we did that... I had to find a way to keep my daughter safe and out of the local youth shelter where she had been staying every time my son became to aggressive. During his last stay at juvie, the judge told us he did not want to release my son if he would be going back to live with me and my daughter who he kept attacking. SO... I asked my parents (who are retired and have been living in their motor home for a couple years now) to move into my house with my son and I rented a second home to take my daughter to. Now I am trying to manage my sons needs with my mother, from a second location. I am paying twice the rent, twice the utilities, and when he finally goes into this program... I will loose his SSI income to help maintain those payments. I am still fighting and advocating for him and my family, and while he is away I will be spending more money and time to visit him and work with the team there to help him hopefully return home and be more successful. His more aggressive attacks as of recently have left me with some pretty severe ptsd symptoms and I am finally seeking a therapist for myself. Its so much, and I know I haven't really processed any of it yet. I know I need to start fitting in more self care to keep it up. __________________ --Jenn

11-09-2017, 01:05 PM	#2
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,279 Times in 2,538 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Let me start by saying I'm dictating this into an iPad, so please forgive the inevitable grammar and word use issues. Well, 10 days ago mom went down real hard. It was one of those phone calls that make you throw the suitcase in the car and drop everything. I think she'll be OK in the long run but it could also be a tipping point, she'll either go up or down from here. She took a fall in the kitchen and broke her upper arm very badly up by the ball of the shoulder and also cracked her pelvis. Had surgery the next day and replaced the ball half of the shoulder joint. I've been having all kinds of trouble in her town trying to find enough resources. I got her out of the hospital a couple of days ago and now she's in a group home, contracted physical therapy starts today, so I will see how it goes. Since she is not in a nursing home, that means that the 100 days of Medicare paid room and board does not apply. Everything is out of pocket, Ouch! I believe that she can completely heal, 80 to 90% anyway. It's going to be a matter of compliance on her part and since she has been in the hospital for a week and now yet another unfamiliar setting her dementia is kicking in fully and she is completely spun out. I want to get her back into her own place as soon as possible so that she can start comprehending what's going on. I know that going forward, assuming I can get her back into her apartment, the amount of additional staff I will have for her will be going up on a permanent basis, she needs it. For myself I really wish this had happened in the spring. There are three mountain passes between us and we're just starting snow season. The passes are frequently closed for a few days at a time all throughout the winter, they are nasty and remote. Oh well, when it's mom I will do whatever has to be done. Of course since she had been doing so well for the last year and a half I finally decided to go ahead and do some big improvements on my house. So now there are a lot more scheduling issues to work around. But that's about me, and this is about her. She's a hell of a lot more important. So I guess that's my update, things are going to get interesting…

12-15-2017, 02:26 PM	#9
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,279 Times in 2,538 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Update: It's been just six weeks and things have been going extremely well. I've spent a couple of those weeks with her and know where I'm lucky, the caregivers queue up to be the one who gets her, she really is one of the sweetest little old ladies you'd ever meet. I know it's common for folks to turn mean or difficult but she is really good about being grateful and finding things to be positive about (once I've reminded her a few times ). So rehab has been going well we got rid of the wheelchair about 10 days ago for anything other than off-site transport and the sling came off two days ago. She walks around with nothing but a cane and a somewhat hovering nurse through the house, rehab group home actually, and it has really helped with her spirits and feeling some sense of control returning. I figure within a month or so we can start talking about how she wants to go forward, either in her apartment with more added assistance, or some other options if she wants. When she saw the surgeon and got the go ahead to ditch the sling and start occupational therapy for the shoulder he noticed a small anomaly along the incision line and removed the questionable tissue with instructions for wound care twice a day to be performed by her private nurse and added some antibiotics as an abundance of caution. Just got a call from the lab, yep, it's MRSA. Fuck.

12-16-2017, 09:40 PM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	my mom and i had a convo today that at one time would have ruined my day. i stayed steady and steered us in a good direction, and it ended well. She is almost 80, and i can see the lapses more all the time, but still she has been through so much in her life, it’s a wonder she is still here. Hugs to all...