What TO DO in a relationship.....

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by ardentfemme

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

Hi AF.

I totally love the reframe. i used to say i needed to put my *must have* list out to the universe to attract the right partner for me when it was time. Well i did that, and they showed up! They had all the things on my list.

They also had addictions, anger issues, major debt, insecurities etc... i learned the hard way that that sort of *baggage* can outweigh all the good stuff...

So now i have a *must have* and *must not have* list..... and it worked!

[cutegrrl]

Listen more and talk less. I think that listening is a skill that needs to be really sharpened. If we listened more we would are less and have less misunderstandings.