Caregivers and Stress

JDeere · 09-29-2018, 12:31 AM

Dad is officially an amputee. They removed his right leg, up to his knee about an hour ago. His foot was healing but he fell and broke his leg in 2 places the other night, i had to call 911 so mom could help him try to remain calm. He will be in the hospital probably 2 to 3 weeks then sent to rehab hospital till he is well enough to come home, if he can.

Our current home is not equipped to care for him right now, its up in the air as to whether we make it handicapped accessible or sell the house to move into a place more helpful or the folks go into a retirement community and i go on my way. Dad cant work so he said hes retiring, hes a bad diabetic with heart disease, thyroid problems, high blood pressure, etc etc.

Im trying to take this one day at a time, i now am head of household, i do most everything from grocery shopping for mom and i to laundry, etc. The only thing i dont manage is their bills, mom does that, i just make sure the bills get mailed off in time....

Its going to be an extremely long hard road ahead...

Chad · 09-29-2018, 10:19 AM

Mom is now here in my house full time. The contractor's are building her an addition to my house. Things are going okay mostly but I have lost some freedom and that is painful. We are working on the fact that I don't eat dinner. That is hard on mom but she is trying.

The hardest part for me is that I have lost my alone time. I need that time to relax and gear up for the next day. My work days are harsh with folks in my face all day so I need some alone time at night. Mom and I have settled on one Perry Mason and then we go to our bedrooms. That is okay for now. I am a loner so this is not easy for me.

Teddybear · 09-29-2018, 04:19 PM

I took care of my mom for almost 8 months then I was promoted and had to move she chose not to go with me but one of my brothers. I am not sure what happened but she was there 6 months then they made a decision to take her back home to live alone. We are 4 months in and she is doing ok. I’m thankful for that however now things have changed for me and I don’t know what that means for her.

I don’t trust either of my brothers to take care of her if I am unable too. I don’t know if I should address it now while it is still fresh for me and them.

I can only imagine how the conversation would go. It will be short however I know it won’t resolve anything.

I know some will say I’m worrying about something I shouldn’t. I’m a fixer and a planner and to me I need to make sure this is settled.

Chad · 10-21-2018, 08:49 AM

2.5 months of living with mom. It is going well but it will be better once her suit is finished. We have had so much rain in central Texas that construction is a month behind schedule. The issues for mom have been lonely days and my eating schedule. I eat a good breakfast and lunch but no dinner. Mom likes 3 meals a day so it is a challenge for us.

On work days I get home around 6 pm so we spend 2 hours together and separate at 8 pm after Perry Mason that gives me about 2 hours of alone time which I need to rest and recharge. On weekends I take mom out for some fun and shopping. I think she looks forward to it. She gets to dress up and make herself pretty for the day. After all she is a southern lady.

This is good practice for me because I have never been happy living with other humans. Knowing now how important that alone time is was a learning moment.

~ocean · 10-21-2018, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

2.5 months of living with mom. It is going well but it will be better once her suit is finished. We have had so much rain in central Texas that construction is a month behind schedule. The issues for mom have been lonely days and my eating schedule. I eat a good breakfast and lunch but no dinner. Mom likes 3 meals a day so it is a challenge for us.

On work days I get home around 6 pm so we spend 2 hours together and separate at 8 pm after Perry Mason that gives me about 2 hours of alone time which I need to rest and recharge. On weekends I take mom out for some fun and shopping. I think she looks forward to it. She gets to dress up and make herself pretty for the day. After all she is a southern lady.

This is good practice for me because I have never been happy living with other humans. Knowing now how important that alone time is was a learning moment.

Chad your post is refreshing ~ family should be there for each other if it works out that way. your mom is lucky to have you and your obvious insight into family unity

Chad · 10-21-2018, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~ocean

Chad your post is refreshing ~ family should be there for each other if it works out that way. your mom is lucky to have you and your obvious insight into family unity

Thank you Ocean.
My mom is a good kind lady. I respect her and I am grateful to her for my good life.

JustLovelyJenn · 10-21-2018, 12:19 PM

Second overnight visit with my kiddo. Both the kids were here for about 7 hours. My oldest was completely overwhelmed and my anxiety was higher worrying about them both.

One meltdown this visit. Another visit in two weeks. I hope things get easier.

09-29-2018, 10:19 AM	#2
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,312 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers Mom is now here in my house full time. The contractor's are building her an addition to my house. Things are going okay mostly but I have lost some freedom and that is painful. We are working on the fact that I don't eat dinner. That is hard on mom but she is trying. The hardest part for me is that I have lost my alone time. I need that time to relax and gear up for the next day. My work days are harsh with folks in my face all day so I need some alone time at night. Mom and I have settled on one Perry Mason and then we go to our bedrooms. That is okay for now. I am a loner so this is not easy for me.

09-29-2018, 04:19 PM	#3
Teddybear Senior Member How Do You Identify?: by my name Preferred Pronoun?: He, him Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Here there everywhere. Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,620 Thanked 6,233 Times in 1,687 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I took care of my mom for almost 8 months then I was promoted and had to move she chose not to go with me but one of my brothers. I am not sure what happened but she was there 6 months then they made a decision to take her back home to live alone. We are 4 months in and she is doing ok. I’m thankful for that however now things have changed for me and I don’t know what that means for her. I don’t trust either of my brothers to take care of her if I am unable too. I don’t know if I should address it now while it is still fresh for me and them. I can only imagine how the conversation would go. It will be short however I know it won’t resolve anything. I know some will say I’m worrying about something I shouldn’t. I’m a fixer and a planner and to me I need to make sure this is settled. __________________ I am ME take me as I am or leave me be..

10-21-2018, 08:49 AM	#4
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,312 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers 2.5 months of living with mom. It is going well but it will be better once her suit is finished. We have had so much rain in central Texas that construction is a month behind schedule. The issues for mom have been lonely days and my eating schedule. I eat a good breakfast and lunch but no dinner. Mom likes 3 meals a day so it is a challenge for us. On work days I get home around 6 pm so we spend 2 hours together and separate at 8 pm after Perry Mason that gives me about 2 hours of alone time which I need to rest and recharge. On weekends I take mom out for some fun and shopping. I think she looks forward to it. She gets to dress up and make herself pretty for the day. After all she is a southern lady. This is good practice for me because I have never been happy living with other humans. Knowing now how important that alone time is was a learning moment.

10-21-2018, 12:19 PM	#7
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,991 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Second overnight visit with my kiddo. Both the kids were here for about 7 hours. My oldest was completely overwhelmed and my anxiety was higher worrying about them both. One meltdown this visit. Another visit in two weeks. I hope things get easier. __________________ --Jenn

09-29-2018, 12:31 AM	#1
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Dad is officially an amputee. They removed his right leg, up to his knee about an hour ago. His foot was healing but he fell and broke his leg in 2 places the other night, i had to call 911 so mom could help him try to remain calm. He will be in the hospital probably 2 to 3 weeks then sent to rehab hospital till he is well enough to come home, if he can. Our current home is not equipped to care for him right now, its up in the air as to whether we make it handicapped accessible or sell the house to move into a place more helpful or the folks go into a retirement community and i go on my way. Dad cant work so he said hes retiring, hes a bad diabetic with heart disease, thyroid problems, high blood pressure, etc etc. Im trying to take this one day at a time, i now am head of household, i do most everything from grocery shopping for mom and i to laundry, etc. The only thing i dont manage is their bills, mom does that, i just make sure the bills get mailed off in time.... Its going to be an extremely long hard road ahead...