Mental Illness

[ksrainbow]

I have just read many of the posts regarding mental illness. personally I too acknowledge and accept that I have depression and anxiety dx's. My close friends and all family members know...and a relief it is that being open to both helps to live each day as I come face to face with the dx's! the support and understanding is wonderful but EDUCATION is of the utmost purpose! that I can assist those who are not familar with mental illness and educate them (if they ask) is theraputic for me and leads to understanding. May we all gather support, comfort and guidance from each other and share our personal travels with those who choose to seek knowledge and acceptance!

ksrainbow

[Andrew, Jr.]

KSRainbow,

I really like your signature line. It pretty much summs up my feelings lately.

Andrew

[JustLovelyJenn]

So, I'm suffering from insomnia pretty bad lately. Running on 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. My head just wont shut off. I have so many things filling the spaces, so much thought, I just cant stop it to go to sleep. I just keep waiting for the calm and it never comes. The thing is I don't understand why now, well... maybe I do. Things are finally going good for me, starting to. So this is when all the doubts kick in right? Cause it cant really last, something has to happen to take it all away. I don't want to feel that way this time.

All of it is because of me this time around the track. I am doing it for myself, not to please someone else, not because I am supposed to, not to give the impression of normalcy when I am screaming inside. I made these choices to bring around some good changes. I don't want to wait for it to all fall apart this time, I want it to keep getting better.

For the first time in my life I am living independently of someone else's desires and wants. Even though I am living with my parents, its my choice this time. A logical choice because I understand that my children, and my son in particular, will greatly benefit from their extra presence, and sharing my financial responsibilities with them will allow me to give my children opportunities I couldn't otherwise. I am in control of my life, and I am making healthy choices. THAT'S A BIG DEAL.

So why am I still feeling this way, why do I still hear that voice that says, your gonna fuck it up again? Why can't I be happy to be moving in the right direction? I'm working, and I love my job. I have a plan to go back to school and pursue the career I have always dreamed of. There is no reason for me to try and sabotage my own happiness. But, I feel myself starting to do it.

[Apocalipstic]

Jenn, I think that its how our brains are wired that makes us hear the voices saying awful things to us inside our heads. I have the same problem.

I think it is awesome that you parents are cool enough to share expenses and help you give your children great opportunities. Good for you!

For me, I know that when things are good, I kind of have a sense of dread that something bad is going to happen...probably one of the therapists among us can explain why that is. I think our brains get used to being in crisis and automatically stay in fight/flight mode.

I try to not beat myself up for not doing everything over night. I am learning not to be so hard on myself as long as I am making some (any) progress.

As for progress, I met with a therapist for the first time in almost 20 years yesterday and I think I am really going to like her. I felt very comfortable right off and felt heard. This is the first time I have ever been to therapy when things in my life are good. I need to work on past trauma and anger.

Have a great weekend all and try to take it easy on yourselves, especially with all the holidays stress and mahem.

[Darth Denkay]

Jenn,

I think Apocalipstic is right on in terms of her take on things. Folks who struggle with mental illness "learn" to expect things to go wrong. For us, everything is our lives can be going great but then the mental illness kicks in and knocks us off our feet. She also makes an excellent point about being in therapy when things are going well. Most of the time we use therapy to get out of hard spots and when things seem better then we quit. That's the general publics' perspective on how therapy should be used - get out of crisis mode then do it on your own. When you treat it that way you never get deep issues resolved - you're able to get a band-aid to temporarily feel better but the issues themselves aren't being fixed. Apocalipstic, I think you are doing a great thing by going to therapy now, when you can address the broader issues because you aren't focused on your current crisis.

Therapy can be really useful as a preventative tool but is seldom used that way. Just as individual therapy during the "good times" can be highly effective, couples therapy can be immensely helpful to keep a couple on track BEFORE they get into trouble. So many times therapy isn't initiated until things reach crisis point, and while then it becomes a necessity, crisis can often be avoided by preventative therapy. I'm currently in therapy. Things are fairly stable in my life, so I'm able to work on things that I couldn't if I was addressing crisis. To be perfectly honest, I believe that absolutely everyone on the planet has issues that could be addressed, ways that their life could be improved through therapy. Unfortunately therapy is seen as something only for those who are "sick."

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Jenn, I think that its how our brains are wired that makes us hear the voices saying awful things to us inside our heads. I have the same problem.

I think it is awesome that you parents are cool enough to share expenses and help you give your children great opportunities. Good for you!

For me, I know that when things are good, I kind of have a sense of dread that something bad is going to happen...probably one of the therapists among us can explain why that is. I think our brains get used to being in crisis and automatically stay in fight/flight mode.

I try to not beat myself up for not doing everything over night. I am learning not to be so hard on myself as long as I am making some (any) progress.

As for progress, I met with a therapist for the first time in almost 20 years yesterday and I think I am really going to like her. I felt very comfortable right off and felt heard. This is the first time I have ever been to therapy when things in my life are good. I need to work on past trauma and anger.

Have a great weekend all and try to take it easy on yourselves, especially with all the holidays stress and mahem.

[Darth Denkay]

I'm wondering if some of you may experience seasonal affect disorder (SAD), which basically means your depression worsens during the winter months. The theory is that this is related to less sunlight, although we don't know for sure. I wanted to mention a couple things. One, just be aware that this might happen to you - I'm certainly not saying that it will but it could. If things start to feel bad and nothing has changed in your life that may be what's going on.

Another thing that might be helpful is using a full-spectrum light which may offset the lack of sunlight. It doesn't require too much time a day - one of two 20 minute sessions are supposed to be useful. I bought one last fall and have used it ever since. I use it as my lightstand light, so when I lie in bed reading at night I'm getting its benefits. You can also get desk lamps if those will work better for you. I can't say for sure that the light made too much of a difference. However, last winter I did not have nearly as much trouble with SAD than I have in the past and that's the only thing I can think of that was different. It can't hurt. Here's a link to the product I use:

http://www.verilux.com/light-therapy...appylight-6000

Something to consider.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by WicketWWarrick

Jenn,

I think Apocalipstic is right on in terms of her take on things. Folks who struggle with mental illness "learn" to expect things to go wrong. For us, everything is our lives can be going great but then the mental illness kicks in and knocks us off our feet. She also makes an excellent point about being in therapy when things are going well. Most of the time we use therapy to get out of hard spots and when things seem better then we quit. That's the general publics' perspective on how therapy should be used - get out of crisis mode then do it on your own. When you treat it that way you never get deep issues resolved - you're able to get a band-aid to temporarily feel better but the issues themselves aren't being fixed. Apocalipstic, I think you are doing a great thing by going to therapy now, when you can address the broader issues because you aren't focused on your current crisis.

Therapy can be really useful as a preventative tool but is seldom used that way. Just as individual therapy during the "good times" can be highly effective, couples therapy can be immensely helpful to keep a couple on track BEFORE they get into trouble. So many times therapy isn't initiated until things reach crisis point, and while then it becomes a necessity, crisis can often be avoided by preventative therapy. I'm currently in therapy. Things are fairly stable in my life, so I'm able to work on things that I couldn't if I was addressing crisis. To be perfectly honest, I believe that absolutely everyone on the planet has issues that could be addressed, ways that their life could be improved through therapy. Unfortunately therapy is seen as something only for those who are "sick."

Thank you! Yes yes, in the past I have only gone to therapy when things were a disaster and I was in total crisis. What we worked on was getting me OK and we never even got to the deep issues. I forgot I did go to concelling for maybe 2 sessions 6 or 7 years ago during an awful break up and basically we talked on how to navigate the breakup, not how I allowed myself to get into that situation in the first place...same thing in my 20's. How deep are you able to dig when all you want to do is give up. You know?

I hope that now that things are stable I will be able to dig deep and actually give full attention to healing from childhood and early traumas.

Do you know anything about Brainspotting? She said that might be helpful.

On the subject of SAD...yes, I usually have a meltdown in February after we have not seen the sun in 6 weeks. Will try the bulbs, can't hurt! I wonder if people in places closer to the poles have an even more difficult time. We go to London every January for work and it seems to only be full daylight from 10-2. Some places never get to full daylight. I don't think I could handle that. Bright sunny days make me happiest.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by WicketWWarrick

I'm wondering if some of you may experience seasonal affect disorder (SAD), which basically means your depression worsens during the winter months. The theory is that this is related to less sunlight, although we don't know for sure. I wanted to mention a couple things. One, just be aware that this might happen to you - I'm certainly not saying that it will but it could. If things start to feel bad and nothing has changed in your life that may be what's going on.

Another thing that might be helpful is using a full-spectrum light which may offset the lack of sunlight. It doesn't require too much time a day - one of two 20 minute sessions are supposed to be useful. I bought one last fall and have used it ever since. I use it as my lightstand light, so when I lie in bed reading at night I'm getting its benefits. You can also get desk lamps if those will work better for you. I can't say for sure that the light made too much of a difference. However, last winter I did not have nearly as much trouble with SAD than I have in the past and that's the only thing I can think of that was different. It can't hurt. Here's a link to the product I use:

http://www.verilux.com/light-therapy...appylight-6000

Something to consider.

I have suffered for years with SADS. I tried various drugs, no help. I moved to AZ and because of 97% sunshine here, I don't have it as often or as long. Also I have found that chocolate (1 ounce a day), helps increase serotonin levels in the brain. I have used the full spectrum lights as well. They worked pretty good for me too.

Sending you plenty of sunshine.