Breeder and other words we use to hurt our own.

[JakeTulane]

I would like to know other's thoughts on the usage of the word Faggot. I have had it used on Me, and not in a good way. Quite frankly, I have never heard it used in a good way. So, I would have to say to Me it is a word to hurt our own. IMHO.

[waxnrope]

Thinking, Jake, and as I recollect, I have never heard the word faggot used as an endearment ... fag, sometimes, yes.

I refer to myself (as do some of my friends) as a "faggy" butch ... it is meant as an acknowledgment that I share some stereotypical behaviors and ways of being as my gay brothers. These are good things, by the way. So, I don't mind that, nor do my gay male friends, as they, too, call me this at times. But, faggot, no. Never in my recollection have heard it in anyway except derogatorily.

[JakeTulane]

Originally Posted by waxnrope

Thinking, Jake, and as I recollect, I have never heard the word faggot used as an endearment ... fag, sometimes, yes.

I refer to myself (as do some of my friends) as a "faggy" butch ... it is meant as an acknowledgment that I share some stereotypical behaviors and ways of being as my gay brothers. These are good things, by the way. So, I don't mind that, nor do my gay male friends, as they, too, call me this at times. But, faggot, no. Never in my recollection have heard it in anyway except derogatorily.

Thank you wax. Odd that if we drop off 3 letters.. it is "seen" differently, or felt, or heard.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by JakeTulane

Thank you wax. Odd that if we drop off 3 letters.. it is "seen" differently, or felt, or heard.

Ohhh.

GOOD point.

Fag vs. Faggot

I think the latter is used in a more vicious manner.

[betenoire]

I really think that the relationships between people is a HUGE deciding factor in what is okay and what is not okay. When you reach a certain level of familiarity with someone boundaries shift.

Take for example, my friend Bob. I love Bob. We've been friends for, well, for nearly forever. Bob calls me names all the time, her favourite being "twat". I'm sure she's done it at least once in these here forums.

I am okay with Bob calling me a twat, because Bob is my friend and she loves me and I know that Bob has absolutely no malicious will when it comes to me. I call her all sorts of things, too. (My personal favourite is anal fissure.) It's all good. It's part of our shtick.

But if someone who I did not have that kind of relationship with were to call me a twat - I would probably break their nose.

[Dylan]

I don't think people outside the group to whom the slur is used get to 'decide' if the term is offensive or not or when it's considered offensive. If One has never belonged to the group in question, than how would One have any point of reference as to it's usage/context/etc?

I also think there's a big difference between the people of the group using the term and people outside the group using the word.


Dylan

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I don't think people outside the group to whom the slur is used get to 'decide' if the term is offensive or not or when it's considered offensive. If One has never belonged to the group in question, than how would One have any point of reference as to it's usage/context/etc?

I also think there's a big difference between the people of the group using the term and people outside the group using the word.


Dylan

So am I to never know when a racial slur is a racial slur?

As allies to <insert group here> people are never to know when to employ common sense and know something is offensive?

I'm not understanding you here.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I don't think people outside the group to whom the slur is used get to 'decide' if the term is offensive or not or when it's considered offensive. If One has never belonged to the group in question, than how would One have any point of reference as to it's usage/context/etc?

I also think there's a big difference between the people of the group using the term and people outside the group using the word.


Dylan

I think that this is a key point. I can choose to reclaim the word fat, because I am. But if those who aren't use it...it feels offensive. I'm also aware that it's a painful word for several people that I care a great deal about. I would never use it to them.

Intent and context are also critical. Almost any word can be used in a way that hurts or a way that heals...depending upon how it's meant and when and how it's used.

I try to avoid language that is painful or uncomfortable for others. I also know that there will be times when I unintentionally hurt others with my words. It's almost unavoidable without constant censoring of every word...and then communication becomes incredibly cumbersome.

I think sometimes we're using a word we've reclaimed, sometimes we're just spouting off without thinking, sometimes we're just being lazy about our communication, and sometimes it's that icky side of human nature that likes to jab at the weakest spot on others. The words used may be the same....but those all feel different to me.