Breeder and other words we use to hurt our own.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by JustJo

I think that this is a key point. I can choose to reclaim the word fat, because I am. But if those who aren't use it...it feels offensive. I'm also aware that it's a painful word for several people that I care a great deal about. I would never use it to them.

Intent and context are also critical. Almost any word can be used in a way that hurts or a way that heals...depending upon how it's meant and when and how it's used.

I try to avoid language that is painful or uncomfortable for others. I also know that there will be times when I unintentionally hurt others with my words. It's almost unavoidable without constant censoring of every word...and then communication becomes incredibly cumbersome.

I think sometimes we're using a word we've reclaimed, sometimes we're just spouting off without thinking, sometimes we're just being lazy about our communication, and sometimes it's that icky side of human nature that likes to jab at the weakest spot on others. The words used may be the same....but those all feel different to me.

Ok. This makes sense to me.

Originally Posted by gayla

Thinking about this from the standpoint of reclaiming language and using various words in context.

For me, there are words that I use in reference to myself that I know other people find offensive. As someone else mentioned, the girls I work with used to get upset when I called myself a duke or queer because they've always seen those as bad words. I use them because they are the most relevant to me and most of them now use them when talking about me, "My dyke friend at work says it's ok for me to go to the parade as long as I don't cringe at the queer boys in leather."

I know a number of people who don't like most of the words I use. I've lost count of the number of people who think "butch" is an insult. As a matter of respect, I don't use those words when talking about them but I'm not going to use different words to describe me just because I'm around them. My friend J is a lesbian. Not a duke and not butch and really not queer. So I would never refer to her as any of those things bit it doesn't mean that I have to stop calling myself a dyke when I'm around her.

Right. That brings up an interesting point. Say somebody finds the word Butch offensive. Where do we draw the line? Is it enough to just not use it in reference to the person who it offends? Or must we not utter it in earshot of said person?

I am not nit picking, just teasing it apart in my mind.

Like the word breeder. I really dislike that word, but say my friend ID's as a Femme Breeder.

Ummm.

I think my head just exploded, but not really.

Most people don't self identify in ways that are meant to hurt themselves or others so at the end of the day a lot of you are right. Context is huge.