what NOT to do in a relationship.......

[adorable]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

yeah i think it's time i write that book, i bet we all could too!
what NOT to do........

#1 do not give away all your power during the honeymoon sex part.......

as in have a backbone, don't let your partner run the whole show. that sets the tone and culture for the whole rest of the relationship.
have and opinion and express it. don't be afraid to disagree. even if you don't feel real strongly about something don't jut roll over and say "scratch my belly again please....."

Ha Ha ha...........
Actually I have found the latter to be true.
I had to give up power to find my truth.

One thing I can say is that "to thine own self be true" and that is regardless of self or truth.


We sometimes think we know. We don't always. Truth may be found in the crop or the belt. Sometimes the greatest power is found in powerlessness. It can be found in "I need you." It can be found in "Yes." It can be found in not using safewords. It can be found in being that girl. Let Go. Let.......IT.

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by adorable

Ha Ha ha...........
Actually I have found the latter to be true.
I had to give up power to find my truth.

One thing I can say is that "to thine own self be true" and that is regardless of self or truth.


We sometimes think we know. We don't always. Truth may be found in the crop or the belt. Sometimes the greatest power is found in powerlessness. It can be found in "I need you." It can be found in "Yes." It can be found in not using safewords. It can be found in being that girl. Let Go. Let.......IT.

i believe i am far too gone to ever be completely submissive again.....
but i have seen the advantages of being completely powerless.
not for me, not anymore.
and i am not about owning someone either.....

there are never any true equals....
the balance of power can shift, part of the "only constant is change" theory.
i know that i am easily swayed by sparkly thing and sex is a drug for me....
i could almost be talked into anything if the conditions are right.....
then something goes POP
and i wake up like i've been in a drug induced coma....
3 - 4 weeks months years.........

gotta hold on to my power, hold my cards cloer to my vest, etc... whatever you want to call it.
brutal honesty is my tool of choice these days.
seem like no one really want to hear the truth anymore.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

i believe i am far too gone to ever be completely submissive again.....
but i have seen the advantages of being completely powerless.
not for me, not anymore.
and i am not about owning someone either.....

there are never any true equals....
the balance of power can shift, part of the "only constant is change" theory.
i know that i am easily swayed by sparkly thing and sex is a drug for me....
i could almost be talked into anything if the conditions are right.....
then something goes POP
and i wake up like i've been in a drug induced coma....
3 - 4 weeks months years.........

gotta hold on to my power, hold my cards cloer to my vest, etc... whatever you want to call it.
brutal honesty is my tool of choice these days.
seem like no one really want to hear the truth anymore.

Are we talking about power exchange or sex?

I am confused because sex does not define Dominance nor submission at all

[JustJo]

...forget why you're there to begin with.

...take your partner for granted.

...forget to tell them and show them how you feel.

...be anyone other than who you truly are.

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Are we talking about power exchange or sex?

I am confused because sex does not define Dominance nor submission at all

i am talking about not letting some great sex cloud your judgment to agree to things that you would not normally do, and/or at some point feel like you are no longer in control of our life.

not really a D/s thing at all, but i do definitely see what you mean and how it relates.
it is like you said. being clear from the beginning what you will and won't do/agree to,

brutal honesty......

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

i am talking about not letting some great sex cloud your judgment to agree to things that you would not normally do, and/or at some point feel like you are no longer in control of our life.

not really a D/s thing at all, but i do definitely see what you mean and how it relates.
it is like you said. being clear from the beginning what you will and won't do/agree to,

brutal honesty......

Gotcha...

Which answers my question about the sex goggles which leads me to the I was trained (I can expand if needed) so therefore my thinking when it comes to sexual desires is based on a lot more than carnal OR I just want it and it's someone to have sex with because frankly sex is good.

SO I have to ask what is it about this super duper sex that makes you forget judgement?

What is so different?

Truly curious

[Duchess]

Don't expect to be your partner's only friend

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Gotcha...

Which answers my question about the sex goggles which leads me to the I was trained (I can expand if needed) so therefore my thinking when it comes to sexual desires is based on a lot more than carnal OR I just want it and it's someone to have sex with because frankly sex is good.

SO I have to ask what is it about this super duper sex that makes you forget judgement?

What is so different?

Truly curious

it's the person
the chemistry
great sex makes me act stupid.....
and prolonged exposure can warp a man's mind into thinking that the big giant huge sucking black hole of need that you are fucking is a sweet demure flower until it starts following you around the house screaming "feed me seymour, feed me"

[Ebon]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

it's the person
the chemistry
great sex makes me act stupid.....
and prolonged exposure can warp a man's mind into thinking that the big giant huge sucking black hole of need that you are fucking is a sweet demure flower until it starts following you around the house screaming "feed me seymour, feed me"

OMG tell me about it! It's hard not to become a complete idiot and lose all common sense.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

it's the person
the chemistry
great sex makes me act stupid.....
and prolonged exposure can warp a man's mind into thinking that the big giant huge sucking black hole of need that you are fucking is a sweet demure flower until it starts following you around the house screaming "feed me seymour, feed me"

See if Seymour had done a LITTLE more research on them sweet cute lil plants with teeth before he got all lollipops and rainbows.

Seymour could of seen and realized (though I think Seymour chose not to see it) that he was housing a man eating *plant*

One can't really blame the plant, the plant is what it is, Seymour on the other hand, being florist should of had his info but no Seymour fell for the glitz glamour and totally did not see the pretty deadly jaws of AudreyII.




I feel a song coming on

[NJFemmie]

No secrets. Being an open book goes a long way.

[imperfect_cupcake]

1) stop fussing over the other person and trying to do stuff for them all the time. it smothers them and it suffocates me. who am I, my mom??

2) leave wounded people to bleed somewhere else. I'd much rather have someone that doesn't want me to "heal" them from whatever it is they've gone through. you can get some therapy over there ----> and I'm not your mother. However, if someone is working on their sh*t, I'm more than happy to support them.

3) I am not ever going to be a femme in shining armour again. "you are perfectly wonderful you just need someone to love you enough and all your sh*tty behaviour and bitterness about others and cr@ppy outlook and insecurities will magicly go away!" jesus what an ego I had, I swear.

4) hide my issues. If I fuck up, don't lie about it and hide it.

5) don't let anyone else take over my issues. they are mine to deal with and if you want to help I'll tell you what I need from you... that said -

6) don't freak out when someone calls me on my shit. I need a partner who does this and can do in a way I can hear them.

7) someone who can't be called on *their* shit. That's fucking irritating. go away.

8) think that it's ok they aren't into the same stuff as me. it's totally not. I very much need a companion and best mate as a partner. so that means I need someone who wants to spend a lot of time with me doing things I find fun, important and fulfilling. Not everything but most things.

9) watch my tone of voice, young lady. I used to have a horrible "tone" even though I didn't mean it. I wasn't even aware I did it. I have successfully cracked that.

10) Don't try and have LTR with butches who don't switch. I have tried to fit into other people's sexualities but it's only possible when it's casual short term (<6 months).

[sweetcali]

Goodness.... This is precisely why I firmly believe in having the sex talk within the first 5 minutes of meeting s prospective partner. It certainly would put the heart break hotel out of business and the honeymoon never has to end.

sweetcali