what NOT to do in a relationship.......

Oiler41 · 07-29-2010, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by socialjustice_fsu

when adding anyone to your most important asset such as your home deed. Regardless of the certainty both feel that the relationship is a 'forever one' - people change for a number of reasons. Trying to remove a name off of a home deed is costly not just financially but emotionally. Consider prenuptials. It only makes good business sense. I speak from first hand experience. So does my well-paid attorney.

Or the reverse; don't invest large sums of money into a large asset that doesn't have your name on it. Ditto on the last two lines.

Glynn

Rockinonahigh · 07-29-2010, 10:48 PM

Where I dont have a prob with most things but I will share my kitchen if whom ever im with dosent rearange it..its all where I want it.I know some cutlry is thrown in the cutlery drawer..I ran out of space to put them so in they went anyway they landed.All the knives go in a knife block or on the magnetic strips...please...I know spoken like a grouchy italian chef.

Jesse · 07-29-2010, 10:54 PM

If you do not know/love yourself, do not get involved in a committed relationship...go do your emotional work first. If you do not know who you are then you cannot know what you need or what you have to bring to the table.

Jesse

Ashton · 07-29-2010, 10:58 PM

DONT do unto the other as you would have the other do unto you!!

Kenna · 07-29-2010, 11:48 PM

Don't "force" the other person "into a little gray box" filled with YOUR ideas or dreams of what/who they should be, who they should interact with, what they should do and how they should CHANGE or ID to fit your specifications. Don't go into a relationship with the intention of changing the other person... don't place unrealistic or non-agreed upon expectations or limitations on the other person [or relationship in general] that will make them feel claustrophobic and restrained. Before long, they will want to break free of their restraints. (I HATE little boxes... they remind me of limitations and restrictions.)

Do not strip anyone of their dignity. Do not insult or make back handed comments about their heritage, "up bringing", culture, where they were raised, or any of the people that are important to them. (I am proud I spent most of my childhood/young adult years in the Appalachian Mountains and know whole communities of very hardworking, respectful, honorable, compassionate people... it PEEVES me beyond anger and outrage to hear someone I'm dating call us "damn hillbillies!"!!) DO NOT belittle someone. Their heritage is just as valid and important as yours.

And a big deal breaker for me.... Domestic Violence of any kind that makes anyone feel unsafe, threatened, confined, stalked, afraid to leave or afraid to come home, afraid to say "no", etc etc... (I can add to this list, but it comes from my own experience. Domestic Violence is very personal and comes in many different forms.)

TenderKnight · 07-30-2010, 12:01 AM

Don't get into the trap of saying or doing what you *THINK* they want or that you *THINK* you should do.. Like lots have said already.. Communicate so that you *KNOW* and aren't guessing... (has been guilty of the thinking and not knowing thing..)

Don't be a role.. be a person who has a dynamic with another person.. (huge pet peeve..)

RadiantYearning · 07-30-2010, 12:24 AM

Don't spend the entirety of the honeymoon phase showing her how sexually compatible the two of you are, only to lay the cease and desist order on the nightstand the evening after you both sign papers on the house.

Never confuse needing someone with neediness. One is endearing, the other is obnoxious.

Don't waste your energy on jealousy, snooping or stalking ... there are so many better uses for that energy.

Never forget to tell her how you feel, don't assume she knows and/or it's obvious in the things you do. She wants to hear it AND you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Don't cheat. End it if you're seriously considering it ... and don't forget, the grass is seldom greener.

Don't forget to mention that you have more diagnoses than the DSM-IV.

Glenn · 07-30-2010, 04:29 AM

[QUOTE=RadiantYearning;163604]Don't spend the entirety of the honeymoon phase showing her how sexually compatible the two of you are, only to lay the cease and desist order on the nightstand the evening after you both sign papers on the house.

Hm. So that's what they used to cap the oil well.

Soft*Silver · 07-31-2010, 12:34 PM

dont invite your friends over to meet your new girlfriend, then get angry after they leave and tell her you KNOW she was flirting with them....thats really stupid and qualifies you technically as a first class jerk....

when in a supposed committed relationship, dont leave your ex your power of attorney because she has more of a history with you. It makes the new GF feel like she is just on loan....

ditto for whose name is on your checks....

and as beneficiary on your insurance policies

and lets not talk about the will...

and when your new gf tells you that your ex wanted to know if her name was still on all of these, dont turn it around and say your new GF is just jealous when what she really is, is concerned...for you

dont introduce your gf to your family on Christmas as your friend. Especially if you are very out....

the xmas stocking for your ex needs to be sent to her or put in the trash, not back in the xmas box

DONT show people the face your gf makes when she is coming...you might not ever see that face again...

SuperFemme · 07-31-2010, 12:39 PM

do NOT redo my diet and off me magical protein shakes.
i will do things you only have nightmares about to you when you sleep.

do not not not go on and on about marrying me and us having babies after three months of dating. that is gross and VERY scary. my uterus is not rented out easily.

Jesse · 07-31-2010, 12:42 PM

Don't expect your partner to read your mind. Communicate your needs and desires. Statements such as, "Well if you don't know why I am angry, then I certainly am not going to tell you", will not be given attention by me.

The_Lady_Snow · 07-31-2010, 12:45 PM

DO NOT!!! think you can use me as a sushi table....

SuperFemme · 07-31-2010, 12:47 PM

don't tell me you're sending great presents to my kid...and then they never come. you just look like a douche.

The_Lady_Snow · 07-31-2010, 12:48 PM

DO NOT!!!! use my credit card to buy your other girlfriend a present

That's what poly is for.... So we allllllllll know

betenoire · 07-31-2010, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tranzman

Don't expect your partner to read your mind. Communicate your needs and desires. Statements such as, "Well if you don't know why I am angry, then I certainly am not going to tell you", will not be given attention by me.

For fucking real.

And when I ask what your problem is, absolutely don't say "Forget it. I am stupid and wrong anyway." Because we have never had a conversation in which I told you that you were stupid and wrong - maybe you've had that conversation with some other girl, but don't put that shit on me.

And, plus. You know. If you refuse to tell me what your problem is I am not going to sweet-talk it out of you. All you're doing is pissing me off.

Stearns · 07-31-2010, 03:13 PM

Don't fail to examine the role you may have played in the doo-doo. Maybe you chose to overlook those little red flags that had popped up, or maybe you decided 'unconsciously on purpose' that the relo wasn't good for you and you did stuff to get out of it, in order to preserve your self-hood.

I can't tolerate feeling buffeted about by forces beyond my control. I need to know that I made decisions - unconsciously or not - what those decisions were, and why I made them. Then, I get to decide what to do about it. In doing so, I return my power to me.

07-29-2010, 10:54 PM	#3
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,782 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	If you do not know/love yourself, do not get involved in a committed relationship...go do your emotional work first. If you do not know who you are then you cannot know what you need or what you have to bring to the table. Jesse __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

07-29-2010, 10:58 PM	#4
Ashton Member How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine Relationship Status: retired Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 1,409 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,215 Thanked 1,526 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 13892880	DONT do unto the other as you would have the other do unto you!! __________________ AshDugan "Judge not that ye be not judged." "Do Unto Other that ye would have done unto thy" See My Photography here [IMG]

07-29-2010, 11:48 PM	#5
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,192 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	from my "me" place... Don't "force" the other person "into a little gray box" filled with YOUR ideas or dreams of what/who they should be, who they should interact with, what they should do and how they should CHANGE or ID to fit your specifications. Don't go into a relationship with the intention of changing the other person... don't place unrealistic or non-agreed upon expectations or limitations on the other person [or relationship in general] that will make them feel claustrophobic and restrained. Before long, they will want to break free of their restraints. (I HATE little boxes... they remind me of limitations and restrictions.) Do not strip anyone of their dignity. Do not insult or make back handed comments about their heritage, "up bringing", culture, where they were raised, or any of the people that are important to them. (I am proud I spent most of my childhood/young adult years in the Appalachian Mountains and know whole communities of very hardworking, respectful, honorable, compassionate people... it PEEVES me beyond anger and outrage to hear someone I'm dating call us "damn hillbillies!"!!) DO NOT belittle someone. Their heritage is just as valid and important as yours. And a big deal breaker for me.... Domestic Violence of any kind that makes anyone feel unsafe, threatened, confined, stalked, afraid to leave or afraid to come home, afraid to say "no", etc etc... (I can add to this list, but it comes from my own experience. Domestic Violence is very personal and comes in many different forms.)

07-30-2010, 12:01 AM	#6
TenderKnight Member How Do You Identify?: Kinky Poly Transman Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Monroe, NC Posts: 551 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 773 Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts Rep Power: 2402408	Don't get into the trap of saying or doing what you THINK they want or that you THINK you should do.. Like lots have said already.. Communicate so that you KNOW and aren't guessing... (has been guilty of the thinking and not knowing thing..) Don't be a role.. be a person who has a dynamic with another person.. (huge pet peeve..) __________________ The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves..

07-31-2010, 12:34 PM	#9
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	dont invite your friends over to meet your new girlfriend, then get angry after they leave and tell her you KNOW she was flirting with them....thats really stupid and qualifies you technically as a first class jerk.... when in a supposed committed relationship, dont leave your ex your power of attorney because she has more of a history with you. It makes the new GF feel like she is just on loan.... ditto for whose name is on your checks.... and as beneficiary on your insurance policies and lets not talk about the will... and when your new gf tells you that your ex wanted to know if her name was still on all of these, dont turn it around and say your new GF is just jealous when what she really is, is concerned...for you dont introduce your gf to your family on Christmas as your friend. Especially if you are very out.... the xmas stocking for your ex needs to be sent to her or put in the trash, not back in the xmas box DONT show people the face your gf makes when she is coming...you might not ever see that face again... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

07-29-2010, 10:48 PM	#2
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Where I dont have a prob with most things but I will share my kitchen if whom ever im with dosent rearange it..its all where I want it.I know some cutlry is thrown in the cutlery drawer..I ran out of space to put them so in they went anyway they landed.All the knives go in a knife block or on the magnetic strips...please...I know spoken like a grouchy italian chef.

07-30-2010, 12:24 AM	#7
RadiantYearning Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Girlie ones ... Relationship Status: Damsel, non-distressed, seeks knight in shining armour! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mt. Olympus Posts: 39 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 54 Thanked 146 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 1528401	Don't spend the entirety of the honeymoon phase showing her how sexually compatible the two of you are, only to lay the cease and desist order on the nightstand the evening after you both sign papers on the house. Never confuse needing someone with neediness. One is endearing, the other is obnoxious. Don't waste your energy on jealousy, snooping or stalking ... there are so many better uses for that energy. Never forget to tell her how you feel, don't assume she knows and/or it's obvious in the things you do. She wants to hear it AND you never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't cheat. End it if you're seriously considering it ... and don't forget, the grass is seldom greener. Don't forget to mention that you have more diagnoses than the DSM-IV.

07-30-2010, 04:29 AM	#8
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,602 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	[QUOTE=RadiantYearning;163604]Don't spend the entirety of the honeymoon phase showing her how sexually compatible the two of you are, only to lay the cease and desist order on the nightstand the evening after you both sign papers on the house. Hm. So that's what they used to cap the oil well.

07-31-2010, 12:39 PM	#10
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	do NOT redo my diet and off me magical protein shakes. i will do things you only have nightmares about to you when you sleep. do not not not go on and on about marrying me and us having babies after three months of dating. that is gross and VERY scary. my uterus is not rented out easily.

07-31-2010, 12:42 PM	#11
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,782 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Don't expect your partner to read your mind. Communicate your needs and desires. Statements such as, "Well if you don't know why I am angry, then I certainly am not going to tell you", will not be given attention by me. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

07-31-2010, 12:45 PM	#12
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,078 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	DO NOT!!! think you can use me as a sushi table.... __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

07-31-2010, 12:47 PM	#13
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	don't tell me you're sending great presents to my kid...and then they never come. you just look like a douche.

07-31-2010, 12:48 PM	#14
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,078 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	DO NOT!!!! use my credit card to buy your other girlfriend a present That's what poly is for.... So we allllllllll know __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

07-31-2010, 03:13 PM	#16
Stearns Member How Do You Identify?: Trans Man Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Husband Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: 'nita land Posts: 272 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 385 Thanked 443 Times in 149 Posts Rep Power: 3640	When relationships go bad.... Don't fail to examine the role you may have played in the doo-doo. Maybe you chose to overlook those little red flags that had popped up, or maybe you decided 'unconsciously on purpose' that the relo wasn't good for you and you did stuff to get out of it, in order to preserve your self-hood. I can't tolerate feeling buffeted about by forces beyond my control. I need to know that I made decisions - unconsciously or not - what those decisions were, and why I made them. Then, I get to decide what to do about it. In doing so, I return my power to me.