Open Letter: Dear Femme

Medusa · 12-07-2009, 04:10 PM

My Femme wants to talk about her "good girl" but is feeling emotionally spent today so is marking her place instead.

SuperFemme · 12-07-2009, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

My Femme wants to talk about her "good girl" but is feeling emotionally spent today so is marking her place instead.

I think the very fact that we have this space to discuss denotes your secret good girl side.

SuperFemme · 12-07-2009, 04:21 PM

I didn't interpret e's response to Kosmo as personal. I read it as (even if the question was asked) it felt uncomfortable to e to have a butch speak on Femme and how a Femme can change perception. Because it's not something a Butch could know. Just as a femme cannot speak to how a Butch can change perceptions or roles. Each are unique.

tyvm

Medusa · 12-07-2009, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I think the very fact that we have this space to discuss denotes your secret good girl side.

You made me cry. Right here at my desk. In front of everyone. And I dont care who thinks its messy.

Or maybe the situation made me cry. Lemme see what I can muster. (I always want to write "mustard" here because it's funnier but the Virgo in me cringes when I fuck up euphamisms)

Today I am sitting here at my desk at work where I really should be working but I am instead swirling in some heavy emotions and doing a lot of internal processing. I am listening to Angie Aparao on my ipod and he's doing a great cover of "Champagne Supernova" and maybe the pitch of his voice was just right or maybe it's the melody or the words but as I was reading your post, Adele, he sang the line "Where were you while we were getting high?" and he took the last note way, WAY out. The kind of sound where your heart is stretched thin like a piece of pink bubblegum and it feels the emotion of want and need and sound congealed behind notes and pulse.
So I cried. Because I am overwhelmed. Because I am sad. Because I am resolute. Because I am afraid. Because I am no longer afraid.

I have spent most of last night and today writing my resignation letter from a group that I have belonged to for 4 years. A group that has done important work that is specific to my way of being that I have always felt incredibly strongly about supporting. I came to a place at some point in the last several months where I realized that I had to step away. I came to a place over the last couple of weeks where I knew that stepping away would be scary. Over the last couple of days, I realized it would be painful. Over the last several hours I have felt a range of emotions from anger to resolve to sadness to something that feels like mourning.

I have been all at once afraid of the reactions of my fellow committee members and resolute to not care. I have struggled with being authentic and direct without being unecessarily hurtful. I have thought hard about my involvement with the organization and what it will mean to the friendships that exist inside of and outside of that space when I leave. My leaving centers around some ugly stuff. Mostly stuff that is outside of my control. Mostly stuff that is hurtful to the scope of the organization.
I am weary y'all. Weary to the core of my being.
I have for so long operated by trying to be authentic and honest but also on some level ,with a fear of confronting. Its hard. The "good girl" in me who says to "sit down, keep silent, smooth your dress, dont make waves, dont tell what you know" is very much at odds with the spiritual being in me that says "speak your truth, speak it clearly, demand transparency, demand honesty, stand up for truth".
This conflict has created a weird dichotomy in me in the last 2 days. One where I want to just vomit up a bunch of stuff in my resignation letter to show that I am leaving because things got too fucked up for me to be part of. Part of me wants to "go quietly into that good night". Part of me feels that either of these options would not be good. Part of me knows that there will be huge backlash for calling uncomfortable things out and shining a light on ugly truths.

I guess I came to this thread because I have often felt such peace in the arms of other Femmes. Such understanding. Such graceful beauty and love. And I need those things today to help the girl in me who is scared to speak to find her voice. And I needed to remember that I am not a horrible person for seeking the truth. Thank you, Adele.

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.

Julie · 12-07-2009, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.

Dear Medusa,

We do not know one another well, though I believe as the Universe has provided for us both... We will learn about one another and develop as time passes.

So, here I sit before you as your femme sister, offering you my love and support for the great courage you will be facing and reminding you ever so sweetly, that you Dear Medusa, are not alone.

Love,
Julie

SuperFemme · 12-07-2009, 05:03 PM

Medusa, embarking on new journeys and speaking ones truth can often lead to grief. You are grieving, and I want you to know that I applaud you for that. So often as Femme's and as Women we are not allowed to grieve.

You are on amazing human being. Thank you for being brave. Now put your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right shoulder. Squeeze. That is a collective Femme hug that is holding you tight as you embark. As you speak. As you give yourself permission to FEEL. We all hold you in our hearts.

with love,

Adele

Gemme · 12-07-2009, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

You made me cry. Right here at my desk. In front of everyone. And I dont care who thinks its messy.

Or maybe the situation made me cry. Lemme see what I can muster. (I always want to write "mustard" here because it's funnier but the Virgo in me cringes when I fuck up euphamisms)

Today I am sitting here at my desk at work where I really should be working but I am instead swirling in some heavy emotions and doing a lot of internal processing. I am listening to Angie Aparao on my ipod and he's doing a great cover of "Champagne Supernova" and maybe the pitch of his voice was just right or maybe it's the melody or the words but as I was reading your post, Adele, he sang the line "Where were you while we were getting high?" and he took the last note way, WAY out. The kind of sound where your heart is stretched thin like a piece of pink bubblegum and it feels the emotion of want and need and sound congealed behind notes and pulse.
So I cried. Because I am overwhelmed. Because I am sad. Because I am resolute. Because I am afraid. Because I am no longer afraid.

I have spent most of last night and today writing my resignation letter from a group that I have belonged to for 4 years. A group that has done important work that is specific to my way of being that I have always felt incredibly strongly about supporting. I came to a place at some point in the last several months where I realized that I had to step away. I came to a place over the last couple of weeks where I knew that stepping away would be scary. Over the last couple of days, I realized it would be painful. Over the last several hours I have felt a range of emotions from anger to resolve to sadness to something that feels like mourning.

I have been all at once afraid of the reactions of my fellow committee members and resolute to not care. I have struggled with being authentic and direct without being unecessarily hurtful. I have thought hard about my involvement with the organization and what it will mean to the friendships that exist inside of and outside of that space when I leave. My leaving centers around some ugly stuff. Mostly stuff that is outside of my control. Mostly stuff that is hurtful to the scope of the organization.
I am weary y'all. Weary to the core of my being.
I have for so long operated by trying to be authentic and honest but also on some level ,with a fear of confronting. Its hard. The "good girl" in me who says to "sit down, keep silent, smooth your dress, dont make waves, dont tell what you know" is very much at odds with the spiritual being in me that says "speak your truth, speak it clearly, demand transparency, demand honesty, stand up for truth".
This conflict has created a weird dichotomy in me in the last 2 days. One where I want to just vomit up a bunch of stuff in my resignation letter to show that I am leaving because things got too fucked up for me to be part of. Part of me wants to "go quietly into that good night". Part of me feels that either of these options would not be good. Part of me knows that there will be huge backlash for calling uncomfortable things out and shining a light on ugly truths.

I guess I came to this thread because I have often felt such peace in the arms of other Femmes. Such understanding. Such graceful beauty and love. And I need those things today to help the girl in me who is scared to speak to find her voice. And I needed to remember that I am not a horrible person for seeking the truth. Thank you, Adele.

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.

Would a full length semi trailer (53 feet) be enough courage and support? Cuz I have one of those sitting outside in the neighboring store's parking lot and I happen to know (sorta) how to get around in one of those suckers. It's only "borrowing" if I bring it back, right?

Though I haven't had the privilege of sharing breathing space with you, over the years I've formed an impression of you that seems to constantly be validated and reaffirmed by those who have met you and who do know you in the flesh and blood. You ARE authentic. You ARE strong. You ARE a good girl, except when you're not.

Your role in the existence of this very place provides visible evidence of your strength, fortitude, honor, courage and the vast expanse of your very soul, which reaches out to each and every one of us on a daily basis.

Kids say the darndest things and my gran credited me with saying something that I have no memory of saying but I remember her and gramps making references to it from time to time. She told me we were sitting on her back porch and she and my grandfather were upset about something and he was being gruff and started to well up. He turned to go inside before "us girls" could see him cry, muttering something about not being weak. I grabbed his hand and tugged at it until he hunkered down to my level. She said I placed my hands on his cheeks, looked him right in the eye and told him that a dam that allows some water to pass through without crumbling has to be stronger than one that cannot. It just HAD to be.

Okay, so it's a little kooky, but I think it's important to allow things, feelings, people to flow through and out of us. Every experience we have makes us stronger, better versions of ourselves. So this too, shall pass, and in the end, you will be stronger and better for it.

Much luck and love to you, Medusa.

Apocalipstic · 12-07-2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

You made me cry. Right here at my desk. In front of everyone. And I dont care who thinks its messy.

Or maybe the situation made me cry. Lemme see what I can muster. (I always want to write "mustard" here because it's funnier but the Virgo in me cringes when I fuck up euphamisms)

Today I am sitting here at my desk at work where I really should be working but I am instead swirling in some heavy emotions and doing a lot of internal processing. I am listening to Angie Aparao on my ipod and he's doing a great cover of "Champagne Supernova" and maybe the pitch of his voice was just right or maybe it's the melody or the words but as I was reading your post, Adele, he sang the line "Where were you while we were getting high?" and he took the last note way, WAY out. The kind of sound where your heart is stretched thin like a piece of pink bubblegum and it feels the emotion of want and need and sound congealed behind notes and pulse.
So I cried. Because I am overwhelmed. Because I am sad. Because I am resolute. Because I am afraid. Because I am no longer afraid.

I have spent most of last night and today writing my resignation letter from a group that I have belonged to for 4 years. A group that has done important work that is specific to my way of being that I have always felt incredibly strongly about supporting. I came to a place at some point in the last several months where I realized that I had to step away. I came to a place over the last couple of weeks where I knew that stepping away would be scary. Over the last couple of days, I realized it would be painful. Over the last several hours I have felt a range of emotions from anger to resolve to sadness to something that feels like mourning.

I have been all at once afraid of the reactions of my fellow committee members and resolute to not care. I have struggled with being authentic and direct without being unecessarily hurtful. I have thought hard about my involvement with the organization and what it will mean to the friendships that exist inside of and outside of that space when I leave. My leaving centers around some ugly stuff. Mostly stuff that is outside of my control. Mostly stuff that is hurtful to the scope of the organization.
I am weary y'all. Weary to the core of my being.
I have for so long operated by trying to be authentic and honest but also on some level ,with a fear of confronting. Its hard. The "good girl" in me who says to "sit down, keep silent, smooth your dress, dont make waves, dont tell what you know" is very much at odds with the spiritual being in me that says "speak your truth, speak it clearly, demand transparency, demand honesty, stand up for truth".
This conflict has created a weird dichotomy in me in the last 2 days. One where I want to just vomit up a bunch of stuff in my resignation letter to show that I am leaving because things got too fucked up for me to be part of. Part of me wants to "go quietly into that good night". Part of me feels that either of these options would not be good. Part of me knows that there will be huge backlash for calling uncomfortable things out and shining a light on ugly truths.

I guess I came to this thread because I have often felt such peace in the arms of other Femmes. Such understanding. Such graceful beauty and love. And I need those things today to help the girl in me who is scared to speak to find her voice. And I needed to remember that I am not a horrible person for seeking the truth. Thank you, Adele.

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.

Hugs to you!

I have found that speaking my truth, but only the truth is the way to go for me. Be kind, unemotional and only write the truth.

You are an incredibly strong brave woman and you can do this!

Look at all you have accomplished in the past year. You can do anything you set your mind to!

Isadora · 12-07-2009, 06:59 PM

Truth with tact and timing is what I always think about when trying to work through something... I also ask myself several questions...especially when dealing with hurt or anger...

1. Who is the truth for?

2. Will they even hear it?

3. Is the purpose of telling the "truth" (because even truth is subjective, colored by our own perceptions of what the truth may be) to harm or heal?

4. Will telling the truth change anything for the better other than make me feel justified?

I have quit several groups in my life (and people) for many reasons. I seldom give a reason because I don't have to, or because I felt the ethics was not even there for them to even hear the issues. I have to admit that there are times when I have had to say, "ENOUGH" and moved on with as much self dignity as possible.

I think that we perceive that we have to justify our actions or needs...and we don't...just resign and leave with your head held high and your ethics clean and clear.

You go girl, and remember that you are powerful inside and that is what matters and stopping involvement is not a failure but an opportunity for growth and change. You can't keep pouring water in a full cup, it just gets messy, you have to empty it before you can refill it with another flavor. One that may be much more tasty!

SuperFemme · 12-07-2009, 07:05 PM

I've walked away from people with no explanation.

The thing is, speaking ones truth is important. Not "the ONLY truth" but ones truth.
I will no longer let anybody write my history for me. When I speak my truth I lift the veils of silence that bad people and bad situations thrive on much the way one thrives on oxygen. By NOT speaking my truth I become party to things I don't want to be party to. I become complacent and IMHO that has a ripple effect on the Universe.

Silence = Death (on the installment plan).

blush · 12-09-2009, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isadora

Truth with tact and timing is what I always think about when trying to work through something... I also ask myself several questions...especially when dealing with hurt or anger...

1. Who is the truth for?

2. Will they even hear it?

3. Is the purpose of telling the "truth" (because even truth is subjective, colored by our own perceptions of what the truth may be) to harm or heal?

4. Will telling the truth change anything for the better other than make me feel justified?

I have quit several groups in my life (and people) for many reasons. I seldom give a reason because I don't have to, or because I felt the ethics was not even there for them to even hear the issues. I have to admit that there are times when I have had to say, "ENOUGH" and moved on with as much self dignity as possible.

I think that we perceive that we have to justify our actions or needs...and we don't...just resign and leave with your head held high and your ethics clean and clear.

You go girl, and remember that you are powerful inside and that is what matters and stopping involvement is not a failure but an opportunity for growth and change. You can't keep pouring water in a full cup, it just gets messy, you have to empty it before you can refill it with another flavor. One that may be much more tasty!

I think femmes are "trained" to come up with an elaborate, bullet-proof reason for leaving or changing a situation. If the explanation doesn't satisfy the requirements of our audience, then we are expected act accordingly.

It reminds me of a Greek Chorus following me around.

In those situations, explaining may do one of 2 things:
-feeds their attention black hole (which may be why you're leaving anyway)
or
-subject your reasons to their judgment. They feel justified in telling YOU why YOUR reasons and YOUR choices are wrong.

I speak my truth when I need to. I don't speak it to satisfy others.

Lynn · 12-09-2009, 08:50 PM

I'm thinking about your questions, e, and considering my own reactions throughout the course of this thread.

Is it naive of me to think of this thread as some kind of separate, discrete space? I don't think so. Otherwise, why are there different forums and threads? Why can't I have the expectation that a discussion about femmes, for femmes, in a forum called "The Femme Zone," could be had WITH femmes?

I know that others are interested in this topic and supportive of the femmes they know and love. I don't mean to devalue that when I speak honestly and say that I don't think that has anything to do with the subject of femmes speaking about the femme experience. In this context, it becomes somewhat non-sequitor. Not wrong. Not mean, silencing, or anything bad. Just not related to the discussion that I perceive we're having. Of course, my perception isn't everyone's, and clearly, there are femmes who have a completely different viewpoint. It's not just *my* discussion, and I know that.

No one has ever asked me to respond to questions about being femme without also defining what that should mean to me. That, of course, leaves no room for my actual experience. It's really empowering and validating to have someone ask a question and then actually LISTEN to the answer. The validation comes from the sharing of experiences with others who can empathize because they've experienced the same things. Validation comes from just being listened to, with caring and understanding. That's my feeling about the beauty of this thread.

apretty · 12-07-2009, 07:10 PM

Medusa, you are fierce as fuck and anyone who's met you for a minute knows it. I only wish that you could deliver your letter in person, with a hip-sway and a hair-flip (cuz you got it like that).

(Authentic-Me says: Letting go is work, sometimes daily, sometimes on the hour and not everyone is in the same *place* -spiritually/emotionally- at the same time (therefore unable to hear uncomfortable stuffs), and in the end your only obligation is that you must be able to answer to *your fine-ass self*.)

Arwen · 12-07-2009, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apretty

(Authentic-Me says: Letting go is work, sometimes daily, sometimes on the hour and not everyone is in the same *place* -spiritually/emotionally- at the same time (therefore unable to hear uncomfortable stuffs), and in the end your only obligation is that you must be able to answer to *your fine-ass self*.)

I just needed you to know that this spoke to me on a very very personal level. You meant it for that fine Arkansas woman, but I'm taking it for myself as well. It may end up as the leaping off point of a blog entry--it gave me that much to think about.

Especially the bit bout others not being in the same *place*.

Valuable words. Gold, even. Thank you.

Bit · 12-08-2009, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by evolveme

Bit, first, let me say that Blush asked:

"I'd be interested to hear from y'all what YOU(and by You I mean all y'all, not YOU personally, Kosmo) can do to change how we are perceived."

To me, it appears that she is asking femmes to answer her question, and politely asking Kosmo not to speak to a question s/he could not speak to.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{e}}}}}}}}}}}

And there ya have it. Neither of us could see who Blush was looking at when she expanded on that request; you assumed she was "looking around the room" at all the Femmes and asking Kosmo to be quiet; I assumed she was "looking around the room" and inviting participation not just from Kosmo, but from all the Butches and Transmen in the room--expanding her request, not limiting it.

Only Blush can say what she really meant. Again, if I am the only one who read her post that way, I apologize for derailing.

I hope that you can see that I was telling you, not what Kosmo feels--I don't have that right--but how the wording of your post made ME feel, and how it came across to me, a person who has been repeatedly silenced in discussions very much like this one.

I also hope that you will keep it in the forefront that I appreciate what you are doing in the creation and shepherding of this conversation, and I stand beside you in your goals for it. I just want it to be very clear who is and isn't welcome to post and to answer direct questions.

I fully admit that is my own issue. I. Hate. Conflict. This is NOT a "Good Girl" issue, nor any kind of socialization issue. It is because I am Empathic, which is a psychic skill; I cannot bear to watch people inflict pain on one another because *I* feel it every time. This is my issue; I own it. All I ask from you to help me stay in the conversation is clarity--which you have now given, thank you--about who is welcome to give opinions in the thread.

blush · 12-08-2009, 10:20 PM

My intention was to open up the conversation to butches/trans as to what THEY can do in their mindset or interactions with femmes to change how WE are perceived. All members of this community are accountable for how femmes are perceived. It will take all of us to make changes.

However, I'm certainly not seeking to be told by butches/trans what I (or femmes) can do to make myself "less invisible" or whathaveyou.

I, too, consider this space femme-based.

evolveme · 12-07-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.

Dear A,

First of all, being that we are Southern, we manufacture The Best Euphemisms, so you have no business letting yourself go all Virgo. Second of all, if'n it is femme love you need, you clearly came to right space.

And honey, grief and heartache aside, it sounds like you have made the right decision for you. Besides, you're busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor. You don't have time for anything that sucks your soul.

I love you out-right.

Julie

evolveme · 12-07-2009, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by June

This is braggable, quotable and embroiderable. All of which may be made up words.

Dear June,

We've been saying this in the South for generations. Don't quote me. Quote my mama's mama's mama's mama's mama.

I'm sure her name was Ida Mae. Or maybe Lena Mae. Or possibly Beulah Bernice.

(We also say, "Well knock me down and steal my teeth!" but that just doesn't have the same ring.)

Love,

e

P.S. I was equally enthralled by Isadora's words.

SassyLeo · 12-07-2009, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

*snip*

I guess I came to this thread because I have often felt such peace in the arms of other Femmes. Such understanding. Such graceful beauty and love. And I need those things today to help the girl in me who is scared to speak to find her voice. And I needed to remember that I am not a horrible person for seeking the truth. Thank you, Adele.

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.

It is a testament to this group, these humans, these femmes, that you felt comfortable enough to come to this space to speak your thoughts, cry, unload, let go... I think that is the best gift anyone could receive, a safe space to be held in whatever way one needs. I think folks here are more than happy to do that

To Angie, from the other Angie (who does some more of that heart stretching):

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46SUhb7wyK8"]YouTube- Angie Aparo - "I'll Be There" - Live at Room 5 Lounge[/ame]

Bit · 12-07-2009, 04:18 PM

{{{{{{{{{{{Dusa}}}}}}}}}}} Hope your energy builds back quickly!

Now Jen.... there is NO pony play. "Baby-Butch In Training" is not about horses.... and yanno, she ain't about bein' sweet either, lol.... she's gonna get up on that ladder and FIX that ceiling fan, even if she *does* need a little help climbing down again. Hey, that's a balance issue, not a girl thing.

12-07-2009, 06:59 PM	#9
Isadora Member How Do You Identify?: Momma, Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: I am in love. Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 997 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 502 Thanked 2,127 Times in 559 Posts Rep Power: 2369289	Truth with tact and timing is what I always think about when trying to work through something... I also ask myself several questions...especially when dealing with hurt or anger... 1. Who is the truth for? 2. Will they even hear it? 3. Is the purpose of telling the "truth" (because even truth is subjective, colored by our own perceptions of what the truth may be) to harm or heal? 4. Will telling the truth change anything for the better other than make me feel justified? I have quit several groups in my life (and people) for many reasons. I seldom give a reason because I don't have to, or because I felt the ethics was not even there for them to even hear the issues. I have to admit that there are times when I have had to say, "ENOUGH" and moved on with as much self dignity as possible. I think that we perceive that we have to justify our actions or needs...and we don't...just resign and leave with your head held high and your ethics clean and clear. You go girl, and remember that you are powerful inside and that is what matters and stopping involvement is not a failure but an opportunity for growth and change. You can't keep pouring water in a full cup, it just gets messy, you have to empty it before you can refill it with another flavor. One that may be much more tasty! __________________ "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." Margaret Mead Read me! www.leatherati.com

12-09-2009, 08:50 PM	#12
Lynn Member How Do You Identify?: Unabashed Feminine Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Married! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 689 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,499 Thanked 2,413 Times in 505 Posts Rep Power: 9668976	I'm thinking about your questions, e, and considering my own reactions throughout the course of this thread. Is it naive of me to think of this thread as some kind of separate, discrete space? I don't think so. Otherwise, why are there different forums and threads? Why *can't* I have the expectation that a discussion about femmes, for femmes, in a forum called "The Femme Zone," could be had WITH femmes? I know that others are interested in this topic and supportive of the femmes they know and love. I don't mean to devalue that when I speak honestly and say that I don't think that has anything to do with the subject of femmes speaking about the femme experience. In this context, it becomes somewhat non-sequitor. Not wrong. Not mean, silencing, or anything bad. Just not related to the discussion that I perceive we're having. Of course, my perception isn't everyone's, and clearly, there are femmes who have a completely different viewpoint. It's not just my discussion, and I know that. No one has ever asked me to respond to questions about being femme without also defining what that should mean to me. That, of course, leaves no room for my actual experience. It's really empowering and validating to have someone ask a question and then actually LISTEN to the answer. The validation comes from the sharing of experiences with others who can empathize because they've experienced the same things. Validation comes from just being listened to, with caring and understanding. That's my feeling about the beauty of this thread. __________________ In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. Maya Angelou Wedding Photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...1&l=22b092b98c

12-08-2009, 10:20 PM	#16
blush Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: I'm with goofy. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 911 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 962 Thanked 2,375 Times in 616 Posts Rep Power: 15632318	My intention was to open up the conversation to butches/trans as to what THEY can do in their mindset or interactions with femmes to change how WE are perceived. All members of this community are accountable for how femmes are perceived. It will take all of us to make changes. However, I'm certainly not seeking to be told by butches/trans what I (or femmes) can do to make myself "less invisible" or whathaveyou. I, too, consider this space femme-based. __________________ "We never forget those who make us blush." Jean-Francois de la Harpe

12-07-2009, 04:10 PM	#1
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,680 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	My Femme wants to talk about her "good girl" but is feeling emotionally spent today so is marking her place instead.

12-07-2009, 04:21 PM	#3
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	I didn't interpret e's response to Kosmo as personal. I read it as (even if the question was asked) it felt uncomfortable to e to have a butch speak on Femme and how a Femme can change perception. Because it's not something a Butch could know. Just as a femme cannot speak to how a Butch can change perceptions or roles. Each are unique. tyvm

12-07-2009, 05:03 PM	#6
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	Medusa, embarking on new journeys and speaking ones truth can often lead to grief. You are grieving, and I want you to know that I applaud you for that. So often as Femme's and as Women we are not allowed to grieve. You are on amazing human being. Thank you for being brave. Now put your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right shoulder. Squeeze. That is a collective Femme hug that is holding you tight as you embark. As you speak. As you give yourself permission to FEEL. We all hold you in our hearts. with love, Adele

12-07-2009, 07:05 PM	#10
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	I've walked away from people with no explanation. The thing is, speaking ones truth is important. Not "the ONLY truth" but ones truth. I will no longer let anybody write my history for me. When I speak my truth I lift the veils of silence that bad people and bad situations thrive on much the way one thrives on oxygen. By NOT speaking my truth I become party to things I don't want to be party to. I become complacent and IMHO that has a ripple effect on the Universe. Silence = Death (on the installment plan).

12-07-2009, 07:10 PM	#13
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,373 Times in 1,012 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Medusa, you are fierce as fuck and anyone who's met you for a minute knows it. I only wish that you could deliver your letter in person, with a hip-sway and a hair-flip (cuz you got it like that). (Authentic-Me says: Letting go is work, sometimes daily, sometimes on the hour and not everyone is in the same place -spiritually/emotionally- at the same time (therefore unable to hear uncomfortable stuffs), and in the end your only obligation is that you must be able to answer to your fine-ass self.)

12-07-2009, 04:18 PM	#20
Bit Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Relationship Status: married to Gryph Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 2,177 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,126 Thanked 3,770 Times in 1,264 Posts Rep Power: 10778871	{{{{{{{{{{{Dusa}}}}}}}}}}} Hope your energy builds back quickly! Now Jen.... there is NO pony play. "Baby-Butch In Training" is not about horses.... and yanno, she ain't about bein' sweet either, lol.... she's gonna get up on that ladder and FIX that ceiling fan, even if she does need a little help climbing down again. Hey, that's a balance issue, not a girl thing.