Long Distance Relationships

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Ahh. I misunderstood. That's awesome.

And you're going to be super close to LAX too, very convenient. You'll love LA, if for no other reason than vegan options abound. It sure makes it easy to be vegan.

Yup.. I suspect I'll be as close to raw vegan as I can get although I do know that due to travel that it may not be possible to be totally vegan..

[Leigh]

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship and she asked Me if I would ever consider moving to be with her down in the States. Its honestly something that I would think about, since I seem to miss alot of good things up here in Canada (atleast thats how I feel). It would be very hard to be away from My parents and sister, as well as My few close friends that I have, but most of My community resides down in the good old U.S.A so its something to think about eh?

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Braedon

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

Well, I'm lucky that my work could sponsor me to come down (work visa). You will need a visa of some sort if you intend on visiting the US longer than 6 months. Since there is no recognition of LGBTQ marriages from Canada into the US, it is either a work visa or a student visa that would allow you to stay longer in the US.

Health care is the big shocker for me since I'm not used to the idea of co-pay (I get benefits from work and still have to get adjusted to the idea that I have to ask whether something is covered or not -- very different than what I grew up with in Ontario).

Culturally there are some similarities to Canada but I found (and this is from my experience as someone who has lived in Ottawa and Toronto and now NYC) the US to be very "busy". At the same time, I've found that many Americans like to talk to you (even if it's just to hear your "accent").

If you do move to the US, minimize what you have to bring down. Moving across borders can be expensive because of having to go through customs.

I do think that moving to NYC was a nice transition because it's a close culture to Toronto. If I had moved to small-town USA in a place that didn't have much as far as LGBTQ, my experience might have been different.

Don't know if that helps but that is how I've dealt with it thus far.

[Leigh]

It all helps Linus, thanks for the info

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by Braedon

It all helps Linus, thanks for the info

Depending on what you do for a living there are certain sectors with companies that are willing to sponsor visas. It's not an easy process though and of course companies would prefer to hire someone they don't have to jump through hoops for, but it is done.

[Leigh]

It doesn't help that I don't have a job, which sucks

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Linus

Well, I'm lucky that my work could sponsor me to come down (work visa). You will need a visa of some sort if you intend on visiting the US longer than 6 months. Since there is no recognition of LGBTQ marriages from Canada into the US, it is either a work visa or a student visa that would allow you to stay longer in the US.

Health care is the big shocker for me since I'm not used to the idea of co-pay (I get benefits from work and still have to get adjusted to the idea that I have to ask whether something is covered or not -- very different than what I grew up with in Ontario).

Culturally there are some similarities to Canada but I found (and this is from my experience as someone who has lived in Ottawa and Toronto and now NYC) the US to be very "busy". At the same time, I've found that many Americans like to talk to you (even if it's just to hear your "accent").

If you do move to the US, minimize what you have to bring down. Moving across borders can be expensive because of having to go through customs.

I do think that moving to NYC was a nice transition because it's a close culture to Toronto. If I had moved to small-town USA in a place that didn't have much as far as LGBTQ, my experience might have been different.

Don't know if that helps but that is how I've dealt with it thus far.

I would seriously have to consider moving to the US. I mean, I live here but I wouldn't leave Canada to move here. You have so many more liberties and options there.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Sachita

I would seriously have to consider moving to the US. I mean, I live here but I wouldn't leave Canada to move here. You have so many more liberties and options there.

Hehe.. ya but love is a wondrous and splendid thing.

[sweetfemme247]

I am with chefhottie and I love my cards I get

Hello folks

I'm off on my travels to see my woman today. We live 160miles apart and yesterday was our 4 year anniversary - sadly I couldn't travel yesterday as I was enrolling at university. We like having our own front doors. I like being able to my life and our life too. It's a compromise of course but it seems to work for us - thus far!

[stephfromMIT]

We did the LD thing during college. I went to Chatham in Pittsburgh, she was at St. Ben's in Minnesota. We saw each other during breaks (sometimes) but keeping the flame took work.

[Zora77]

Originally Posted by Braedon

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship and she asked Me if I would ever consider moving to be with her down in the States. Its honestly something that I would think about, since I seem to miss alot of good things up here in Canada (atleast thats how I feel). It would be very hard to be away from My parents and sister, as well as My few close friends that I have, but most of My community resides down in the good old U.S.A so its something to think about eh?

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

I have moved to the U.S. from Germany after a my former partner and I did the long distance thing for three years. It has been the biggest and most challenging change in my life. Looking back from where I am now, I think it is one of the best decisions I ever made but it also took me much longer to adjust to life here than I anticipated. If I had known how difficult this would be ahead of time, I probably wouldn't have had the guts to do it.

There were a lot of challenges I did expect including legal status in the U.S., finding work, missing my family and friends but also many difficulties I did not not expect such as huge cultural differences and switching from a LDR to suddenly living with your partner - and realizing that maybe you are not as great of a match as you thought it would be.

I think there is no way to tell how a move like this plays out because there are too many unpredictable elements. It's mostly about figuring out if you are willing to take the risk to face the unknown and trust that things will fall into place. I wish you the best for making that decision - my only advice is, make it soon. Dragging it out for a long time in my experience takes it's toll on one's ability to he happy and content with where you are and also the relationship.

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by Linus

Yup.. I suspect I'll be as close to raw vegan as I can get although I do know that due to travel that it may not be possible to be totally vegan..

Once you get settled let me know. I'm in Hollywood often and my gf would love to meet other queer vegans, particularly of the BFP variety.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Once you get settled let me know. I'm in Hollywood often and my gf would love to meet other queer vegans, particularly of the BFP variety.

Sure thing!

[PurpleQuestions84]

LDRs can work if you both are honest and you have some kind of goal for someone relocating within 2 years

[asphaltcowboi]

Originally Posted by PurpleQuestions84

LDRs can work if you both are honest and you have some kind of goal for someone relocating within 2 years

i argree with you on this.. honest and trust are big ones, to be able to feel secure when your partner lives more then 1/2 a days drive. guess honest and trust work the same or you get one when you have the other. plus cominucation!

[Darbonaire]

after 8 years I moved back to VA. I "thought" she would move with me someday after retiring....then she basically said "Hell no, I'll never leave______' So, since I was emotioanlly SO over ______ we tried the LDR thing. I thought "foolishly apparently" that it was working out. I flew her up here every month & then she said..."Nope, I'm looking for someone else. I want someone HERE in _______ full time. Well, she's yet to find anyone from _____...LOL...& I haven't been looking cause I'm not ready....I refuse to just jump into another relationship to fill the void, but then, I'm not afraid or concerned about being alone. I use my alone time to try & better myself..not rush off to find someone else. I have done that in my past & it never works, & quite frankly it's not fair to the other person.

She & I still love each other dearly & always will. I just can't stand living in _______ & she won't leave so, after 10 years the divorce papers got signed & now we're both free.......from my side..it sucks! Such is life.

No, I won't be trying the LDR again thanks. If I couldn't make it work after living with my wife for 8 yrs in...then f*ck it!

I wish others well though..It's nice to hear when things work out...<warm smile>...

Jonathan

[scentsofautumn]

This has to be the most soulful meaningful type of relationship. It certainly shows the limits of the heart and mind. Constant care and it often times it's too out of reach. Then there are times when in a different way, you can feel and touch as if that person was with you all along. I did this several times. It's a lot of stamina, determination, will, trust and patience. Depending upon the distance, it's also very expensive if one can't wait endless weeks or months before another visitation. Is it worth it? Personally, I am not so sure...but, willing to go another round.