Long Distance Relationships

[Linus]

When K and I started going out, we were across borders (Toronto and NYC). When I finally moved here, we lived together for nearly 3 years. She moved back out West (Los Angeles) to be closer to her family and find a job. I'll be moving out there at the end of August. I had forgotten how difficult it is to be apart from the one you love.

I'm reminded each night when I go to bed alone.

I'm reminded each day by the silence (only broken by Bobcat who whines for K).

There are a variety of little tricks that we use to stay in contact (e.g., online talking, phone date nights, etc.)

I thought it might be useful for those who are just starting LDRs or have "forced" LDRs due to factors outside of the relationship to have a thread to discuss ideas, tricks, etc. at keeping things alive and avoiding the loneliness that sometimes come with it.

[Massive]

I truly recommend Skype for anyone in a LDR, you can talk and see each other online! It helps that it's free to talk too.
Text messages too, I send text messages to My babygirl when I it's not easy for Me to get online, sometimes My phone doesn't like the weather here so it doesn't connect to the internet too well, so text messages are another way to simply send a message just saying "I love you" because sometimes even those three simple words can brighten the day of the one you love.

[Sam]

Dude.

i so understand your frustration.

Although i am no longer in a LDR, i was for 18 months. OMG it was seriously hard. So many ups and downs.

Be happy you are making it work and august aint that far away. You have 3 years under your belt, its working it self out.

Just keep doing what your doing and before you know it, it will be august.

My ex and i broke up every month for something or another, but with deep communication we picked ourselves up and moved on.

At this point after the breakup we are not even friends. i wish things were different, but LD is so hard.

If i had to do it again, i would do things differently, serious note!

Good Luck Linus, you got this in the bag

[PearlsNLace]

When Paphigleo and I started dating we had to seriously consider wich of the 2 evils we were willing to face-

Having a long distance relationship,
or
Doing the 2nd date UHual thing.

We decided we would rather move to fast, and face the risks, than the expense and agony of the long distance.

We planned an exit strategy for each of us, if moving him in didnt work. We planned a dating strategy too- that is still in effect.

He moved here in January, and at this point I do think we made the right choice.

My heart goes out to each of you who are working with the distance. It can be a rough one.

[ravfem]

...i think this is an appropriate quote:

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

[chefhottie25]

i have recently started a long distance relationship. we communicate in some form daily...but it is limited because we also have a 3 hour time difference. so when it is getting late or past my bedtime; she is in the early evening hours. i have sacrificed a few hours of sleep here and there so we can talk longer. it is definitely worth it. i hope for the day when we are in the same time zone. it sucks waking up alone.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by chefhottie25

i have recently started a long distance relationship. we communicate in some form daily...but it is limited because we also have a 3 hour time difference. so when it is getting late or past my bedtime; she is in the early evening hours. i have sacrificed a few hours of sleep here and there so we can talk longer. it is definitely worth it. i hope for the day when we are in the same time zone. it sucks waking up alone.

chefhottie: I can appreciate that. It's hard when it's an LDR. It's harder when there is a timezone difference. One of the things I'd do is go back to old-fashioned romance and write love letters. I even once scanned my hands and sent that to K so she could "touch" me.

[chefhottie25]

Originally Posted by Linus

chefhottie: I can appreciate that. It's hard when it's an LDR. It's harder when there is a timezone difference. One of the things I'd do is go back to old-fashioned romance and write love letters. I even once scanned my hands and sent that to K so she could "touch" me.

that is a great idea. i have been sending her missing you cards

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by Linus

chefhottie: I can appreciate that. It's hard when it's an LDR. It's harder when there is a timezone difference. One of the things I'd do is go back to old-fashioned romance and write love letters. I even once scanned my hands and sent that to K so she could "touch" me.

When are you moving Linus - August is almost over. Have you found a job out in LA?

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Waldo

When are you moving Linus - August is almost over. Have you found a job out in LA?

August 31 is the day I fly to L.A with the cranky old cat. (she is soooo going to love this, I just know it.. NOT).

Movers come on Friday for all the boxes; a friend comes over the weekend for some stuff she wanted and 1800GotJunk will get the rest on Monday.

As for job, my job can be anywhere in the US as long as I'm near an airport. So no job switching for me.

[Waldo]

Ahh. I misunderstood. That's awesome.

And you're going to be super close to LAX too, very convenient. You'll love LA, if for no other reason than vegan options abound. It sure makes it easy to be vegan.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Ahh. I misunderstood. That's awesome.

And you're going to be super close to LAX too, very convenient. You'll love LA, if for no other reason than vegan options abound. It sure makes it easy to be vegan.

Yup.. I suspect I'll be as close to raw vegan as I can get although I do know that due to travel that it may not be possible to be totally vegan..

[Leigh]

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship and she asked Me if I would ever consider moving to be with her down in the States. Its honestly something that I would think about, since I seem to miss alot of good things up here in Canada (atleast thats how I feel). It would be very hard to be away from My parents and sister, as well as My few close friends that I have, but most of My community resides down in the good old U.S.A so its something to think about eh?

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Braedon

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

Well, I'm lucky that my work could sponsor me to come down (work visa). You will need a visa of some sort if you intend on visiting the US longer than 6 months. Since there is no recognition of LGBTQ marriages from Canada into the US, it is either a work visa or a student visa that would allow you to stay longer in the US.

Health care is the big shocker for me since I'm not used to the idea of co-pay (I get benefits from work and still have to get adjusted to the idea that I have to ask whether something is covered or not -- very different than what I grew up with in Ontario).

Culturally there are some similarities to Canada but I found (and this is from my experience as someone who has lived in Ottawa and Toronto and now NYC) the US to be very "busy". At the same time, I've found that many Americans like to talk to you (even if it's just to hear your "accent").

If you do move to the US, minimize what you have to bring down. Moving across borders can be expensive because of having to go through customs.

I do think that moving to NYC was a nice transition because it's a close culture to Toronto. If I had moved to small-town USA in a place that didn't have much as far as LGBTQ, my experience might have been different.

Don't know if that helps but that is how I've dealt with it thus far.

[Leigh]

It all helps Linus, thanks for the info

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by Braedon

It all helps Linus, thanks for the info

Depending on what you do for a living there are certain sectors with companies that are willing to sponsor visas. It's not an easy process though and of course companies would prefer to hire someone they don't have to jump through hoops for, but it is done.

[Leigh]

It doesn't help that I don't have a job, which sucks

[Zora77]

Originally Posted by Braedon

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship and she asked Me if I would ever consider moving to be with her down in the States. Its honestly something that I would think about, since I seem to miss alot of good things up here in Canada (atleast thats how I feel). It would be very hard to be away from My parents and sister, as well as My few close friends that I have, but most of My community resides down in the good old U.S.A so its something to think about eh?

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

I have moved to the U.S. from Germany after a my former partner and I did the long distance thing for three years. It has been the biggest and most challenging change in my life. Looking back from where I am now, I think it is one of the best decisions I ever made but it also took me much longer to adjust to life here than I anticipated. If I had known how difficult this would be ahead of time, I probably wouldn't have had the guts to do it.

There were a lot of challenges I did expect including legal status in the U.S., finding work, missing my family and friends but also many difficulties I did not not expect such as huge cultural differences and switching from a LDR to suddenly living with your partner - and realizing that maybe you are not as great of a match as you thought it would be.

I think there is no way to tell how a move like this plays out because there are too many unpredictable elements. It's mostly about figuring out if you are willing to take the risk to face the unknown and trust that things will fall into place. I wish you the best for making that decision - my only advice is, make it soon. Dragging it out for a long time in my experience takes it's toll on one's ability to he happy and content with where you are and also the relationship.

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by Linus

Yup.. I suspect I'll be as close to raw vegan as I can get although I do know that due to travel that it may not be possible to be totally vegan..

Once you get settled let me know. I'm in Hollywood often and my gf would love to meet other queer vegans, particularly of the BFP variety.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Once you get settled let me know. I'm in Hollywood often and my gf would love to meet other queer vegans, particularly of the BFP variety.

Sure thing!