Long Distance Relationships

Leigh · 08-25-2010, 01:59 PM

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship and she asked Me if I would ever consider moving to be with her down in the States. Its honestly something that I would think about, since I seem to miss alot of good things up here in Canada (atleast thats how I feel). It would be very hard to be away from My parents and sister, as well as My few close friends that I have, but most of My community resides down in the good old U.S.A so its something to think about eh?

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

Linus · 08-25-2010, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Braedon

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

Well, I'm lucky that my work could sponsor me to come down (work visa). You will need a visa of some sort if you intend on visiting the US longer than 6 months. Since there is no recognition of LGBTQ marriages from Canada into the US, it is either a work visa or a student visa that would allow you to stay longer in the US.

Health care is the big shocker for me since I'm not used to the idea of co-pay (I get benefits from work and still have to get adjusted to the idea that I have to ask whether something is covered or not -- very different than what I grew up with in Ontario).

Culturally there are some similarities to Canada but I found (and this is from my experience as someone who has lived in Ottawa and Toronto and now NYC) the US to be very "busy". At the same time, I've found that many Americans like to talk to you (even if it's just to hear your "accent").

If you do move to the US, minimize what you have to bring down. Moving across borders can be expensive because of having to go through customs.

I do think that moving to NYC was a nice transition because it's a close culture to Toronto. If I had moved to small-town USA in a place that didn't have much as far as LGBTQ, my experience might have been different.

Don't know if that helps but that is how I've dealt with it thus far.

Leigh · 08-25-2010, 02:35 PM

It all helps Linus, thanks for the info

Waldo · 08-25-2010, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Braedon

It all helps Linus, thanks for the info

Depending on what you do for a living there are certain sectors with companies that are willing to sponsor visas. It's not an easy process though and of course companies would prefer to hire someone they don't have to jump through hoops for, but it is done.

Leigh · 08-25-2010, 02:45 PM

It doesn't help that I don't have a job, which sucks

Sachita · 08-25-2010, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

Well, I'm lucky that my work could sponsor me to come down (work visa). You will need a visa of some sort if you intend on visiting the US longer than 6 months. Since there is no recognition of LGBTQ marriages from Canada into the US, it is either a work visa or a student visa that would allow you to stay longer in the US.

Health care is the big shocker for me since I'm not used to the idea of co-pay (I get benefits from work and still have to get adjusted to the idea that I have to ask whether something is covered or not -- very different than what I grew up with in Ontario).

Culturally there are some similarities to Canada but I found (and this is from my experience as someone who has lived in Ottawa and Toronto and now NYC) the US to be very "busy". At the same time, I've found that many Americans like to talk to you (even if it's just to hear your "accent").

If you do move to the US, minimize what you have to bring down. Moving across borders can be expensive because of having to go through customs.

I do think that moving to NYC was a nice transition because it's a close culture to Toronto. If I had moved to small-town USA in a place that didn't have much as far as LGBTQ, my experience might have been different.

Don't know if that helps but that is how I've dealt with it thus far.

I would seriously have to consider moving to the US. I mean, I live here but I wouldn't leave Canada to move here. You have so many more liberties and options there.

Linus · 08-25-2010, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

I would seriously have to consider moving to the US. I mean, I live here but I wouldn't leave Canada to move here. You have so many more liberties and options there.

Hehe.. ya but love is a wondrous and splendid thing.

sweetfemme247 · 08-25-2010, 05:22 PM

I am with chefhottie and I love my cards I get

09-14-2010, 04:51 AM

Hello folks

I'm off on my travels to see my woman today. We live 160miles apart and yesterday was our 4 year anniversary - sadly I couldn't travel yesterday as I was enrolling at university. We like having our own front doors. I like being able to my life and our life too. It's a compromise of course but it seems to work for us - thus far!

Mtn · 01-07-2012, 12:48 AM

Evening y'all, thought I would bump this thread, as I know there are a few folks in active LDR's. Sylvie and I have been together almost a year now. She is a daily blessing in my life. Truth is LDR's take ALOT of hard work. It requires being present in an entirely different way, text and type are not easily read for nuances, so it's easy to take something wrong, when that was not the intent. EVERYTIME you have to stop and say...okay what did you mean? I can't see your face or your body language, so we must discuss it. We have a 4 hour time difference, so I am asleep for a good part of her day, and she is asleep a good part of my evening.

We have dedicated time together everyday. We have started planning one meal a week, when we cook the same thing and dine together. We use all of our internet tools, and yes SKYPE is truly a blessing. We talk about the ordinary, kids, pets, workdays, weather. Because the best things in life are ordinary. One of the favorite things I get to do is check out the grocery ads at the stores she shops at and help her make a shopping list, it makes me feel useful and she appreciates it. We work at being present in every moment that we share. We make plans for the future. For the next visit, and for the long term. We BELIEVE and we TRUST. We have routines, we have our own language and phrases.

What else are you other folks doing to make an LDR work for you?

It's not easy, by any stretch. I miss her, she misses me. We make it work. We laugh and cry, and have sweet sweet moments. We are diligent.

Strappie · 01-07-2012, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incubus

Hello folks

I'm off on my travels to see my woman today. We live 160miles apart and yesterday was our 4 year anniversary - sadly I couldn't travel yesterday as I was enrolling at university. We like having our own front doors. I like being able to my life and our life too. It's a compromise of course but it seems to work for us - thus far!

160 Miles? Jesus I would do ANYTHING to be only a 160 miles away from her!!

stephfromMIT · 08-21-2012, 10:24 PM

We did the LD thing during college. I went to Chatham in Pittsburgh, she was at St. Ben's in Minnesota. We saw each other during breaks (sometimes) but keeping the flame took work.

Zora77 · 08-25-2010, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Braedon

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship and she asked Me if I would ever consider moving to be with her down in the States. Its honestly something that I would think about, since I seem to miss alot of good things up here in Canada (atleast thats how I feel). It would be very hard to be away from My parents and sister, as well as My few close friends that I have, but most of My community resides down in the good old U.S.A so its something to think about eh?

Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

I have moved to the U.S. from Germany after a my former partner and I did the long distance thing for three years. It has been the biggest and most challenging change in my life. Looking back from where I am now, I think it is one of the best decisions I ever made but it also took me much longer to adjust to life here than I anticipated. If I had known how difficult this would be ahead of time, I probably wouldn't have had the guts to do it.

There were a lot of challenges I did expect including legal status in the U.S., finding work, missing my family and friends but also many difficulties I did not not expect such as huge cultural differences and switching from a LDR to suddenly living with your partner - and realizing that maybe you are not as great of a match as you thought it would be.

I think there is no way to tell how a move like this plays out because there are too many unpredictable elements. It's mostly about figuring out if you are willing to take the risk to face the unknown and trust that things will fall into place. I wish you the best for making that decision - my only advice is, make it soon. Dragging it out for a long time in my experience takes it's toll on one's ability to he happy and content with where you are and also the relationship.

08-25-2010, 05:22 PM	#8
sweetfemme247 Member How Do You Identify?: fem Preferred Pronoun?: femme, she, her, baby, sweetie Relationship Status: holding my heart close and putting back up a wall Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: california, palm springs Posts: 994 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 719 Times in 350 Posts Rep Power: 4115671	I am with chefhottie and I love my cards I get __________________ Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. Jim Rohn

01-07-2012, 12:48 AM	#10
Mtn Member How Do You Identify?: Stone butch, daddy type Relationship Status: sylvie calls me her studmuffin Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: OR Posts: 691 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,005 Thanked 3,834 Times in 617 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Evening y'all, thought I would bump this thread, as I know there are a few folks in active LDR's. Sylvie and I have been together almost a year now. She is a daily blessing in my life. Truth is LDR's take ALOT of hard work. It requires being present in an entirely different way, text and type are not easily read for nuances, so it's easy to take something wrong, when that was not the intent. EVERYTIME you have to stop and say...okay what did you mean? I can't see your face or your body language, so we must discuss it. We have a 4 hour time difference, so I am asleep for a good part of her day, and she is asleep a good part of my evening. We have dedicated time together everyday. We have started planning one meal a week, when we cook the same thing and dine together. We use all of our internet tools, and yes SKYPE is truly a blessing. We talk about the ordinary, kids, pets, workdays, weather. Because the best things in life are ordinary. One of the favorite things I get to do is check out the grocery ads at the stores she shops at and help her make a shopping list, it makes me feel useful and she appreciates it. We work at being present in every moment that we share. We make plans for the future. For the next visit, and for the long term. We BELIEVE and we TRUST. We have routines, we have our own language and phrases. What else are you other folks doing to make an LDR work for you? It's not easy, by any stretch. I miss her, she misses me. We make it work. We laugh and cry, and have sweet sweet moments. We are diligent. __________________ If you don't sleep in my bed, or sign my paycheck, your opinion probably does not matter to me...

08-25-2010, 01:59 PM	#1
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I'm currently in a long-distance relationship and she asked Me if I would ever consider moving to be with her down in the States. Its honestly something that I would think about, since I seem to miss alot of good things up here in Canada (atleast thats how I feel). It would be very hard to be away from My parents and sister, as well as My few close friends that I have, but most of My community resides down in the good old U.S.A so its something to think about eh? Linus, question(s) for you if you dont mind ~ what did it take for you to get into the States (live/work)? How was the transition for you from living in canada to being in America? Just curious since I wonder what I would/could expect from a possible move ............. thanks in advance for any info/advice you can give

08-25-2010, 02:35 PM	#3
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	It all helps Linus, thanks for the info

08-25-2010, 02:45 PM	#5
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	It doesn't help that I don't have a job, which sucks

09-14-2010, 04:51 AM	#9
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	Hello folks I'm off on my travels to see my woman today. We live 160miles apart and yesterday was our 4 year anniversary - sadly I couldn't travel yesterday as I was enrolling at university. We like having our own front doors. I like being able to my life and our life too. It's a compromise of course but it seems to work for us - thus far!

08-21-2012, 10:24 PM	#12
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	We did the LD thing during college. I went to Chatham in Pittsburgh, she was at St. Ben's in Minnesota. We saw each other during breaks (sometimes) but keeping the flame took work.