PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

Anxiety is running amock. I can't sleep well. Seems like nothing I try works. Not even the medication for my anxiety and sleep issues. Feels like my body is full of it and about to explode. Feels weird.

So sorry. I know exactly how that feels.

I could not sleep either, am an pretty bleary eyed this morning.

I hope your day calms the anxiety!

[JustBeingMe]

Thank you for your support. I do appreciate it a great deal. And it means a lot to me. I am now dealing with new stress, my mom is not getting enough oxygen to her heart, she failed her stress test last week. Doctor called and wants to do an Angiogram on her heart and all that stuff, looking for another blood clot in her arteries. I take her for the procedure on Sept. 8th. I am just hoping there is nothing wrong with her that requires immediate surgery. I lost my stepdad just this Jan 13th. I don't want to lose my mom. It's scary for her and me. I am full of anxiety about it too. I have a personal matter that has to be dealt with Sept. at a later date, I just hope whatever has to be done for my mom is done Before then, so I am there for her. I can't change my date for my personal matter.

[JustBeingMe]

Whewwww. The stress about my mom is now Over. Her doc did the angiogram and it turns out her coronary arteries are just fine.
He thinks it's her age, physical condition (in shapeness), and her push mowing causing the problem, her lungs are fine too. So, my arguments with mom over me helping her MOW THE LAWN are VALIDATED...heh heh heh. I get to mow the lawn now with less friction from mom!! I suggested to her to do a very small area so she won't feel like I am just taking over things. She has just got to learn that she's NOT as young as she used to be, ya know.....and she ain't feeling it yet!! LOL

Now, back to MY regularly stressed life issues...............

Hope everyone here on the thread is doing ok. It's been a while since anyone else posted.

[Apocalipstic]

It has been a while...life I guess!

Therapy is going well, except my annual alotment of insuranec has run out so I am paying out of pocket. I may need to drop to every other week, but I don't want to!

My anxiety is better, but I am still so jumpy. Our dog breathed behind me a couple of nights ago and I about jumped out of my skin! I hate being so hyper alert, I wonder when it will calm back down...I feel so silly about it all.

[Lillie]

I know in my heart my son is suffering from ptsd..he has done 2 tours in iraq and has isolated himself from all family..occassionally calling or emailing..(him and I were inseperable b4 his tours) I have seen him once in 2 yrs and I do not even have his current home address..I never stop reaching out to him, via phone calls that lead to voicemails because he didn't pick up the phone..to emails gone unanswered..to facebook posts gone unnoticed..but I never stop trying to contact him..reassure him..but as his mother I am lost as to how to get him help...he is a shell of a person..only drinking and hanging with his friends..I can not express the devestation we feel..its like a death..my daughter misses him so much..as do we all..but he ignores all attempts..

He came for a visit after my daughter turned 16 this past May..he laughed the same..but he was vacant..his amazing brown eyes were devoid of emotion..only a few times did the glimmer of the man he use to be show...and I reveled in it..I watched him sleep for hours..just to hear him breath...he is right in front of me but so very far away..I raised such an incredible young man..I know he understands the pain he is causing all his family..and we all just stand back and let him come back to us..but of course we all don't have a choice.do we? I have no idea where he even lives these days..and his phone is turned off...

I recieved a small prayer/poem from my sister - n - law regarding how the family "serves too"..but although geographically he is home..he isn't really here..he is still there...so I guess I will serve this with him..I miss him and it simply takes my breath away at times just how much..I cry often and console my daughter when she does...

I speak to my sister - n - law who's sun served in afghanastan in the airforce (my son is a marine) and gabe didn't come back completely either...he is lost..but at least he came home to his room..my son did not..he is out there..alone and going through it by choice alone...I do not know how to get to him..to help in any way..

signed
lost in the moment of his youth and missing the smell of him

I love you my amazing son..please fight and find your way back

thanks for listening

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Lillie

I know in my heart my son is suffering from ptsd..he has done 2 tours in iraq and has isolated himself from all family..occassionally calling or emailing..(him and I were inseperable b4 his tours) I have seen him once in 2 yrs and I do not even have his current home address..I never stop reaching out to him, via phone calls that lead to voicemails because he didn't pick up the phone..to emails gone unanswered..to facebook posts gone unnoticed..but I never stop trying to contact him..reassure him..but as his mother I am lost as to how to get him help...he is a shell of a person..only drinking and hanging with his friends..I can not express the devestation we feel..its like a death..my daughter misses him so much..as do we all..but he ignores all attempts..

He came for a visit after my daughter turned 16 this past May..he laughed the same..but he was vacant..his amazing brown eyes were devoid of emotion..only a few times did the glimmer of the man he use to be show...and I reveled in it..I watched him sleep for hours..just to hear him breath...he is right in front of me but so very far away..I raised such an incredible young man..I know he understands the pain he is causing all his family..and we all just stand back and let him come back to us..but of course we all don't have a choice.do we? I have no idea where he even lives these days..and his phone is turned off...

I recieved a small prayer/poem from my sister - n - law regarding how the family "serves too"..but although geographically he is home..he isn't really here..he is still there...so I guess I will serve this with him..I miss him and it simply takes my breath away at times just how much..I cry often and console my daughter when she does...

I speak to my sister - n - law who's sun served in afghanastan in the airforce (my son is a marine) and gabe didn't come back completely either...he is lost..but at least he came home to his room..my son did not..he is out there..alone and going through it by choice alone...I do not know how to get to him..to help in any way..

signed
lost in the moment of his youth and missing the smell of him

I love you my amazing son..please fight and find your way back

thanks for listening

((((((((((Lillie))))))))))))

Being a mother of an adult child, I understand your pain. We never stop caring and nuturing our kids. You are doing all the right things. Letting him know that you are there is important even though he may not respond. At least right now. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a sibling. Maybe his sister can reach him. She doesn't have to say 'hey why aren't you contacting us' but maybe a simple invite to come by for dinner.

My heart goes out to you. My son has been astranged from me for 5 yrs now with absolutely no explanation. If it weren't for his sister, I wouldn't even know where he was.

May Spirit wrap your son in love and protection.

[JustBeingMe]

I am back in a physical place that has caused me to have new PTSD. I had to come here for reasons i will not explain here, but just know that I am feeling like my head is going to explode! My Nerves are way outta whack, and my anxiety is over the limit. I don't want to be here, but I have to be here.

Please God, just get me through this week, see to it that your angels are standing tall beside me and that the truth sets me free. In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen.

[Lillie]

Originally Posted by friskyfemme

((((((((((Lillie))))))))))))

Being a mother of an adult child, I understand your pain. We never stop caring and nuturing our kids. You are doing all the right things. Letting him know that you are there is important even though he may not respond. At least right now. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a sibling. Maybe his sister can reach him. She doesn't have to say 'hey why aren't you contacting us' but maybe a simple invite to come by for dinner.

My heart goes out to you. My son has been astranged from me for 5 yrs now with absolutely no explanation. If it weren't for his sister, I wouldn't even know where he was.

May Spirit wrap your son in love and protection.

sorry for the delayed response to this..I haven't checked back..

Thank you for your understanding..believe me the fact that I know I am not alone is a huge comfort for me..I have an amazing life..and I am surrounded by love..but the emptyness I feel with regards to my son..no one can fill. I wish it was that easy to invite him to dinner..he lives in ND and I love in AZ..so thats near impossible..I did notice the other day on his facebook that he responded to his friends and told them him phone was back on..so I text him, and called him as I always do..but again no response..I know people..several actually tell me to just give him time..but I find it amazing that parents who's kids abandon them are vigilant in getting them to return..yet to tell you the truth I have never been vigilant in going after anyone who has ever left me..when they are gone..they are gone..I don't take them back..yet for my son..the feeling of loss overwhelms me and consumes me at times..and all I think about is how to get him back..I remember when my son was 16..he asked me why I never spoke of my mother or why he never met her..i told him because he never asked..and because I have no idea where she is..she left me and my siblings when i was under 2 yrs old and never came back..he cried..for the first time in a long time..and told me how horrible it must be to not know the love of a mother..like he does..and thanked me for never leaving him or his sister..of course at the time the conversation was tucked away in my memory..but I think alot now about that day..and how he knew the struggles I went through..the abandonment issues I had..and had dealt with in therapy for years..and I now wonder if ever does he think that he in fact has abandoned me...does he remember that convesation..that day...the emotions exchanged between us?...I think if he did.he would realize how hurt I really am..

I still try..each day to reach out to him..I just hope one day he will turn around and see me holding out my hand for him to grab..

Lillie

[Jet]

I haven't been in here for quite sometime. I'd like you all to know that the end is in sight. Due to the nature of my ordeal, I can't go into to details, but I can tell you that one the biggest obstacles to overcome was fear. Unbelievable how much fear existed and how much it dominated by life. I ran from my life—my very person and ended up living on auto-pilot. The denial and suppressed feelings was so great that I never saw my physical changes as I aged or how much had I lost which was just about everything. I lost friends, material things and my livelihood.

It has taken 22 months to face and overcome my fears. First, I had to admit that something terrible had to be faced in my life. If I didn't face the inevitable, I would be running in circles as I had done all along as a way to avert or sidestep the ordeal. So I got on the right medicine so I could operate normally day to day, and help with the anxiety of facing what happened.

Secondly, I had to break it down into baby steps so I could move through the event. As I did this, it felt as though pieces were surfing which helped to alleviate the pressure in my chest. I felt that something was going to blow from the inside. The reason is because I had suppressed so much to the point were feelings and fears felt "impacted." The body can only take so much psychologically, physiologically and neurologically and I had suffered all three for...18 years. I felt absolutely powerless in facing the event, so baby steps were key in processing what happened.

Third, I had to feel the feelings and allow them to surface and get out of my system. I call it being unchained. I've had to move through fear and anger and so much negativity.


Now, as I type this, I've regained long term memory and let go of so much anger. This is a daily occurance. How beautiful to feel again and experience the person I am. Nothing is hidden anymore. It's a fall, my favorite season, and I am present within myself as my trauma continues to leave me.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

I'm sure I'm not the only one who comes here to read and find a little comfort in knowing you're not alone... So don't feel alone when the posting slows. I'm at the worst stage of getting to know someone, dating, when it comes to ptsd. Not just because of thinking about having to tell someone new ... Which is huge enough... But also because for me relationships themselves are a big part of what I struggle with. Abuse, physical and mental, is always there in the back of your mind ya know...? Being rushed or pushed or even yes, too liked, scares the holy crap right out of me... I don't have much else to add on it but I think many of you know exactly what its like. The worst feeling of all is knowing that what is supposed to be wonderful and joyful for so many people is just filled with unfair feelings like paranoia and panic. Its like the more I care the more afraid I get... And I have to fight the urge to run in the opposite direction... Caus I know that once I fall in love I can't stop myself from sticking it out waaay too long in so many cases. I'm getting back into counceling cause I really need outside perspective...

I totally get what you are saying. being around someone new intimately makes me feel vulnerable and there is not way for them to know my triggers, so I have ended up freaked out a lot in the past.

To be vulnerable at all makes me want to scream.

I have found that if someone ios not willing to work with you on your PTSD issues, they are not good enough for you!

Best of luck, I hope things calm down for you!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Jet

I haven't been in here for quite sometime. I'd like you all to know that the end is in sight. Due to the nature of my ordeal, I can't go into to details, but I can tell you that one the biggest obstacles to overcome was fear. Unbelievable how much fear existed and how much it dominated by life. I ran from my life—my very person and ended up living on auto-pilot. The denial and suppressed feelings was so great that I never saw my physical changes as I aged or how much had I lost which was just about everything. I lost friends, material things and my livelihood.

It has taken 22 months to face and overcome my fears. First, I had to admit that something terrible had to be faced in my life. If I didn't face the inevitable, I would be running in circles as I had done all along as a way to avert or sidestep the ordeal. So I got on the right medicine so I could operate normally day to day, and help with the anxiety of facing what happened.

Secondly, I had to break it down into baby steps so I could move through the event. As I did this, it felt as though pieces were surfing which helped to alleviate the pressure in my chest. I felt that something was going to blow from the inside. The reason is because I had suppressed so much to the point were feelings and fears felt "impacted." The body can only take so much psychologically, physiologically and neurologically and I had suffered all three for...18 years. I felt absolutely powerless in facing the event, so baby steps were key in processing what happened.

Third, I had to feel the feelings and allow them to surface and get out of my system. I call it being unchained. I've had to move through fear and anger and so much negativity.


Now, as I type this, I've regained long term memory and let go of so much anger. This is a daily occurance. How beautiful to feel again and experience the person I am. Nothing is hidden anymore. It's a fall, my favorite season, and I am present within myself as my trauma continues to leave me.

So glad things are better! I know it's been a looong journey.

Letting go of the anger is proving very healing for me too! It is so difficult though.

Again, you sound so much better! yeay!

[Dragonfly]

So it really helped me and I wanted to share this maybe help someone else too.
The thought or realization that the other person is coming to the table with their own things, that even possibly similar experiences and yes sometimes even ptsd too.
No matter what you end up discovering along the way, realizing its a cooperative effort therefore you sarent all alone in the fear department... Thinking of the other person and allowing them the chance to be supportive and understanding can also break the ice for that person to share thiers with you...

Looking forward to the next time we can take chances together... Lol