When you turn out the lights...

[Corkey]

It is a racist comment and I hope you said something to this "white dyke" to show that it is not ok to be offensive to POC? Especially in a group setting.

[deeperstill]

*hangs head a bit*

No, Corkey, i did not.

The setting was a group of kinksters and i am a submissive and new to the group. The speaker is a Master...i am certain there is a way i *could* have done it...but truly, i was so astounded and then in further shock when the laughter came...i could not figure out how to get it done.
(maybe i'll cross post to bdsm thread...)

Originally Posted by Corkey

It is a racist comment and I hope you said something to this "white dyke" to show that it is not ok to be offensive to POC? Especially in a group setting.

[Corkey]

Even a submissive has the right to say what is offensive, you are not bound to the person I'm assuming. Even if you were, you still have the right of safety in a group setting.

[deeperstill]

Corkey, softness, Waxnrope, et al:
Thank you for all of the thoughts, it is very appreciated.
(no, i am not in service to that person).
Please know that i am well aware that subs are not doormats and that i have the "right" to call people on their sh*t. However, given the dynamics, this was more complicated to do in practice yesterday, at least to me it was so....

Originally Posted by Corkey

Even a submissive has the right to say what is offensive, you are not bound to the person I'm assuming. Even if you were, you still have the right of safety in a group setting.

[Corkey]

I just hope you know that not all Masters behave this way. That was highly uncalled for.

[Soft*Silver]

noted...and understood. We do not expect you to do more than what you did. There is no shame being passed over you...in fact, I am proud of you for coming here and asking for clarification and support...

Originally Posted by deeperstill

However, given the dynamics, this was more complicated to do in practice yesterday, at least to me it was so....

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by softness

I would disagree with you, Gemme, because while the white person who said this might have "meant" that color doesnt matter in the dark, that we are all the same in the dark, what I heard is that the darkness brings "up" what is "down" and "down" what is "up" and equalizes the standards of equality between races.

Said from the up position...people in the down position could feel very downed by these words.

Why?

I am not a POC but I am a plain woman and I have to tell you how insulting it is to me when someone says they are all the same in the dark when they refer to physical beauty. I am not an American Standard of Beauty Barbie Doll. I am indeed,a plain woman. I am not needing any "oh but your beauty is in the inside" comments. I know I am beautiful outside the realm of the American Standards of Beauty. Dont need stroking. But it pisses me off when people say plain women are as good as beautiful women in bed when the lights are off because this further defines me as not beautiful in its attempt to make me beautiful. It actually defeats its purpose.

Same with fucking a POC in the dark is the same as fucking a white woman in the Dark. It DOESNT equalize them. It further defines them as inequals.

I can see your pov. It makes absolute sense.

I was just making the point that none of us were there, short of deeper and she was asking for our opinions (and since this was a new group for her), so we don't truly know what was in the speaker's heart. At the very least, it was incredibly insensitive.

Originally Posted by deeperstill

Gemme--did you just change your location?! *giggles*

To all: thanks for your thoughts. i needed the check because i was, as usual, the only person of color in the room, and the only femme to boot, and prior to the comment i describe above, a different butch made a remark about queers not "passing" in society. I had to remind the room that i was a femme (surprised looks ALL AROUND) and that i usually pass (unless i try really hard NOT to). sigh.

Anyway, made me think maybe i was being overly sensitive....thanks for the reality check

*laughs*

I did. I'm in Austin, TX now.

It's hot.

It sounds like, to me, they are a pretty close knit group and so you, as a new member (and perhaps because of your submissive nature), they would not place the same weight in your words as that of the Master speaker.

Perhaps at another time you could approach the speaker and ask for clarification? I'm not in the scene and don't really know the nuances and the more discreet protocols so maybe another member could do so if you are not able to.

I'd like to think that this group is good for you and a place where you could feel welcomed and safe. Unfortunately, I'm not getting that feeling right now. Of course, it's only because of this thread and especially your last post. It feels to me as if they don't see you.

I genuinely hope I am wrong. I hope that that particular speaker, though a Master, doesn't wield the majority of the power in the group. I get a squinchy feeling when I think someone in that place, with potential power over others, saying things like that.

[Soft*Silver]

do not hang your head.

You are learning how to walk amongst them and they caught you off guard. Now you can expect this to happen again, if not here, in another group setting. Now you have words to speak and support you needed. Indeed, you will only truly let yourself down if you do not speak out next time. I say this because it bothers you that you remained silent.

Furthermore,

A submissive is a person of incredible power and strength. Their gift of surrender honors who they serve. They are not doormats. Everyone should turn and listen to you because you are a submissive POC. Dont let others speak for you. Speak loudly for yourself.

Being a Master doesnt mean they are God. Not to you. If your words were not to be spoken and listened to, why were you/submissive/POC invited?

Originally Posted by deeperstill

*hangs head a bit*

No, Corkey, i did not.

The setting was a group of kinksters and i am a submissive and new to the group. The speaker is a Master...i am certain there is a way i *could* have done it...but truly, i was so astounded and then in further shock when the laughter came...i could not figure out how to get it done.
(maybe i'll cross post to bdsm thread...)