Dating and Race

[The_Lady_Snow]

So

I gotta be honest

You ask for help

Some of us POC did

Why are you calling out bullying

????

[betenoire]

I THINK (and I could be so wrong) that she mentioned online bullies as part of her examples of how difficult it is for her to deal with potentially awkward situations? I get the feeling she wasn't talking about anyone or anything in this thread when she mentioned bullies.

But other than that, I got nothing.

I think (and correct me if I'm wrong, Dragonfly) that the OP was asking at what juncture it is appropriate to ask "So....do you date white people ever?"

Which, again. I got nothing. Because, and maybe I'm a moron (it's so possible) but it would never occur to me to ask that. And not because white people are SOOOOOO awesome that everybody should want to date us - but because if the OP and this person she likes are friendly enough that they are talking about how they self-ID and all that jazz (which according to the OP they have been) then it's fair to say that dating white people isn't outside of the realm of possible for this mystery person that the OP digs.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by betenoire

I THINK (and I could be so wrong) that she mentioned online bullies as part of her examples of how difficult it is for her to deal with potentially awkward situations? I get the feeling she wasn't talking about anyone or anything in this thread when she mentioned bullies.

But other than that, I got nothing.

I think (and correct me if I'm wrong, Dragonfly) that the OP was asking at what juncture it is appropriate to ask "So....do you date white people ever?"

Which, again. I got nothing. Because, and maybe I'm a moron (it's so possible) but it would never occur to me to ask that. And not because white people are SOOOOOO awesome that everybody should want to date us - but because if the OP and this person she likes are friendly enough that they are talking about how they self-ID and all that jazz (which according to the OP they have been) then it's fair to say that dating white people isn't outside of the realm of possible for this mystery person that the OP digs.

Yes I agree on a lot here except someone did point out something I was wondering about triggering me to reach out... It is REALLY possible where I live for someone to connect that way and discuss themself in those ways just to bond as friends. And given who I am it really scares the crap out of me to be like the wonderful cousin who invested so much time and they weren't close to being on the same page...? Anyway I don't feel attacked or bullied or anything like that and its not totally crazy for me to know exactly what me asking about this could bring. I really just like her THAT much.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Are you wanting to make friendships that are more
diverse?

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Are you wanting to make friendships that are more
diverse?

I guess I don't think about that as much as I should, I mean I don't look at someones outsides and even try to know their specific race anyway so until it comes up.... so that would be hard for me to list and check it off or something to create diversity. I have a wide range of types of friends. The ones who happen to be of the "non white looking" race she is... Well they do not date my race, though willin to be great friends, do not necessarily find my race to be possible life mates.. Their answers were more limited to that viewpoint. I hoped to hear from those that do date outside their race, and their opinions on comfort levels and being a good potential date/partner.

[Ebon]

I've never dated outside of my race, I always date humans. However I have dated people that were a different color from me or have come from different cultures, even different countries. I have never had a problem, it has never been an issue. I guess I don't attract people that would even think to have to ask if I would date them because they are a certain color. I would rather not associate with people that limit themselves as far as skin color or culture goes because we won't have much in common as friends or otherwise. That could be me being narrow minded but I don't care.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Organicbutch

I've never dated outside of my race, I always date humans. However I have dated people that were a different color from me or have come from different cultures, even different countries. I have never had a problem, it has never been an issue. I guess I don't attract people that would even think to have to ask if I would date them because they are a certain color. I would rather not associate with people that limit themselves as far as skin color or culture goes because we won't have much in common as friends or otherwise. That could be me being narrow minded but I don't care.

Wait.

I'm human (AND not black?)?

Wow.


Dragonfly,

I'm glad that you and the person you are interested in have been able to talk about yourselves and the possibility of dating. It sounds like you two have a lot to discuss, but keep in mind that there's a time and place for everything. There's no rush to have every race-related conversation right NOW. Take your time and just breathe.

You are a sweet person and I'm sure that she will see that and help you with any questions that come up along the way.

[Apocalipstic]

I am not shy, so bear with me please .

Do you think it would be easier to be rejected because of skin color than because the person is just not interested in you?

I am not sure what kind of person you are attracted to, but I learned a long time ago to let people I am interested in know I am interested in a non-threatening way. No guessing games...I just ask them if they would like to hang out sometime or I ask for their email address or somehow make sure they know it's OK to ask Me out.

Because really, it does not matter who they usually date, it matters if they are attracted to you.

I would not have had/have the relationships I have had if I had not just sucked it up and made the first move. I like very masculine Butches and many of them can be a bit...well...clueless unless I make it known I like them.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Organicbutch

I've never dated outside of my race, I always date humans. However I have dated people that were a different color from me or have come from different cultures, even different countries. I have never had a problem, it has never been an issue. I guess I don't attract people that would even think to have to ask if I would date them because they are a certain color. I would rather not associate with people that limit themselves as far as skin color or culture goes because we won't have much in common as friends or otherwise. That could be me being narrow minded but I don't care.

I really love the way you worded this post. Thank you!