Dating and Race

[La Perla]

Hi Dragonfly,
I have found that honestly just adoring someone for who they are as a person, and not worrying about color and culture go a long way. When I hear the phrase "white elephant" it sounds like you expect relating to a person from another culture, to be an issue. Or that there is going to be something to work out. I sense it is out of nervousness of a new experience, but that mindset creates an unnecessary barrier. Take a deep breath and enjoy the opportunity of getting to know and appreciate the PERSON for who they are.

Everyone enjoys honest attention, and interest. Approach a friend from a culture that's new to you: with respect, listen, have an open mind an open heart, then enjoy and share. It really can be that simple. Embrace them, look for common ground.

La Perla

[nicetgurl_30]

I love this thread! It's like oB said u date ppl who know that u don't care about race or culture, yes it's nice to acknowlegde it but not hold back because of it. That's like ummm.....well give me a mintue. Okay next post I'll have something

[1PlayfulFemme]

A few pearls of wisdom, that were handed down to me when I needed them:

Every human on this planet is the same...we all have wants, needs, desires.

If you don't ask, you will never know.

If they reject you, bounce back! Don't play games! Enjoy yourself and you will find yourself surrounded by positive people - at least one of whom will think of you romantically!!

Don't make it so much about being in "head space"! Try not to think it out so much!!!

To quote Nike...Just Do It!! Be brave! Accept Rejection! Accept Acceptance!! Have fun! Enjoy life! Do the things you love to do and you will meet someone you are compatible with! If they don't date outside their race, move on! You can't help your skin color, as they can't help theirs, if they don't know that, it's their loss!!

Dating/Relationships are about so much more than what you see! Would you want to be with someone who had to think about the fact that you aren't matchy-matchy on the outside???

Just my 2 cents!! Good luck in life, in dating, in relationships, but most of all, with being happy & loving yourself!!

[Chancie]

This thread is old, so I hope it's okay to derail a bit.

I can understand why someone would choose to date someone of the same religion or the same race.

There are definitely times when I don't want to explain everything about who I am to a potential friend or date.

Here in Western Mass, being Jewish is considered a bit exotic, which wasn't true when I lived in New York City.

I believe that just as being Black in white America,

Being Jewish in Christian America is an experience that is particular to those who share the experience.

I am not saying that being Black is the same as being Jewish, but

I am saying that being Other offers challenges that others may not understand.

I am not saying that there aren't people who care to hear what it's like, and

They can put down their egos in order to understand.

I am saying that with the beauty that is the melding of culture and history comes a certain loss.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

...everybody else feels a person out for more than a week before dating right? Do people date the same as back when I used to get asked on a date?

I know it's been a while, but yes, often people wait quite a while before asking others out on dates. Everyone hopes for a positive reaction when asking someone out, so it makes sense to get to know the other person as much as possible before making yourself vulnerable. The process is about the same, though the actual activities may be different.

It's been a while since you posted, so I hope that you are enjoying your time with your friend.

To get back to what you said you wanted the thread to turn into....a discussion about interracial relationships and the difficulties in dating, etc...

I find that it's much easier now than in the past. I've dated Puerto Ricans, Cubans, whites, and African Americans, so I definitely don't have a set race that I prefer to partner and date. I prefer people that are kind and that I feel a connection with. It just so happens that I've been blessed enough to experience that with many different folks.

I kind of expected some of the usual racial stuff here in Texas, but I haven't seen it. It may have happened behind my back or out of my earshot, but nothing's happened that I am aware of. The interesting thing is that we have more issues with our families. Chances are, I'll never introduce Organic to my dad or stepmom. Chances are, Organic will never introduce me to his mom. They all have old school prejudice buried deep inside them and it's truly sad because we're kickass people who are loved by people they love. It shouldn't matter.

But it does.

So, in conclusion, we have more racial issues with our families than with our friends and/or with strangers.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I know it's been a while, but yes, often people wait quite a while before asking others out on dates. Everyone hopes for a positive reaction when asking someone out, so it makes sense to get to know the other person as much as possible before making yourself vulnerable. The process is about the same, though the actual activities may be different.

It's been a while since you posted, so I hope that you are enjoying your time with your friend.

To get back to what you said you wanted the thread to turn into....a discussion about interracial relationships and the difficulties in dating, etc...

I find that it's much easier now than in the past. I've dated Puerto Ricans, Cubans, whites, and African Americans, so I definitely don't have a set race that I prefer to partner and date. I prefer people that are kind and that I feel a connection with. It just so happens that I've been blessed enough to experience that with many different folks.

I kind of expected some of the usual racial stuff here in Texas, but I haven't seen it. It may have happened behind my back or out of my earshot, but nothing's happened that I am aware of. The interesting thing is that we have more issues with our families. Chances are, I'll never introduce Organic to my dad or stepmom. Chances are, Organic will never introduce me to his mom. They all have old school prejudice buried deep inside them and it's truly sad because we're kickass people who are loved by people they love. It shouldn't matter.

But it does.

So, in conclusion, we have more racial issues with our families than with our friends and/or with strangers.

Yes I have been enjoying our time very much. But no I haven't agreed to a date yet like you say my speed is to get to know someone dating is saying you want more than friends. As for the race issue, I considered asking her but before I had a chance I learned the race of some of her past partners and a few things came up while we were hanging out at a club that showed me we are on the same page in spite of our area and some of our peers. If I could go back to the convo we had about what's your "type" I would have just asked then what she experienced in our area. I just felt rude or worried its not the same as gender and sexuality and offend her. Thanks for adding your viewpoint! The more the better regardless of where I am in the relationship others may wonder how they should approach the topic with a stranger.

Ps we like each other A LOT but aren't in a rush to get " romantic" dating too fast and have amazing convo!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Chancie

I am saying that with the beauty that is the melding of culture and history comes a certain loss.

I agree with this. Even if families try very hard to keep all the traditions and teachings alive, it's inevitable that some will fall by the wayside as time goes on.

[nicetgurl_30]

Maybe I've been lucky! But since it was made legal for differ race to marry. Why is it such a continuing problem? Our jobs, hobbies, lives brings us closer together...they makes us realize we aren't so much different. But yet do you think using terms like "jungle fever" adds to problems?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by nicetgurl_30

Maybe I've been lucky! But since it was made legal for differ race to marry. Why is it such a continuing problem? Our jobs, hobbies, lives brings us closer together...they makes us realize we aren't so much different. But yet do you think using terms like "jungle fever" adds to problems?

I think some people, no matter where they are or what race, are always going to feed their prejudices and take pleasure in being cruel to others.

Always.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Chancie

This thread is old, so I hope it's okay to derail a bit.

I can understand why someone would choose to date someone of the same religion or the same race.

There are definitely times when I don't want to explain everything about who I am to a potential friend or date.

Here in Western Mass, being Jewish is considered a bit exotic, which wasn't true when I lived in New York City.

I believe that just as being Black in white America,

Being Jewish in Christian America is an experience that is particular to those who share the experience.

I am not saying that being Black is the same as being Jewish, but

I am saying that being Other offers challenges that others may not understand.

I am not saying that there aren't people who care to hear what it's like, and

They can put down their egos in order to understand.

I am saying that with the beauty that is the melding of culture and history comes a certain loss.

Hi. Thanks so much for adding to the thread! I have a friend in israel who considers "jewish" his race/heritage and religion. I'm not sure if you mean to compare religiously and racially but I agree that it is ok for anyone to have a "type" life partner that best fits their priorities. At one time my friend discussed here did not date a certain race and had reasons I understand and don't judge. A wider experience and exposure to the world outside your neighborhoods unlinks stereotypes and lies from the truth. Morals and priorities are different in every culture. I'm not a judgy person just care to prevent others getting hurt.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by La Perla

Hi Dragonfly,
I have found that honestly just adoring someone for who they are as a person, and not worrying about color and culture go a long way. When I hear the phrase "white elephant" it sounds like you expect relating to a person from another culture, to be an issue. Or that there is going to be something to work out. I sense it is out of nervousness of a new experience, but that mindset creates an unnecessary barrier. Take a deep breath and enjoy the opportunity of getting to know and appreciate the PERSON for who they are.

Everyone enjoys honest attention, and interest. Approach a friend from a culture that's new to you: with respect, listen, have an open mind an open heart, then enjoy and share. It really can be that simple. Embrace them, look for common ground.

La Perla

So true and in a perfect world we'd all approach others with best intent and never unknowingly hurt them by breaking social norms. In situations concerning dating and racial differences, it is partly about where you live and who you and that person are friends with. It is not cured, and I just had the butterflies so bad I really needed to hear someone else say yes it is a subject that is not rude to bring up and that I shouldn't leave the burden of that question on the other person but to state that I'm not avoiding dating because of race are you and explain why I move slow. No biggie. It could have easily been a question I asked in the ptsd thread but I wanted to be specific to her on the subject. That I do date outside mine. Thanks truly!