Poly Relationships

Linus · 12-01-2009, 05:48 PM

So are there any others out there? What do you do to make it work? How do you address distance, if it's an issue?

Share stories of success and not so successfuly poly relationships here.. and perhaps.. find others?

violaine · 12-08-2009, 09:18 AM

hi linus.

i found a pretty good article-

http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164

"... It's a new paradigm, certainly—and it does break some rules. "Polyamory scares people—it shakes up their world view," says Allena Gabosch, the director of the Seattle-based Center for Sex Positive Culture. But perhaps the practice is more natural than we think: a response to the challenges of monogamous relationships, whose shortcomings—in a culture where divorce has become a commonplace—are clear. Everyone in a relationship wrestles at some point with an eternal question: can one person really satisfy every need? Polyamorists think the answer is obvious—and that it's only a matter of time before the monogamous world sees there's more than one way to live and love. "The people I feel sorry for are the ones who don't ever realize they have any other choices beyond the traditional options society presents," says Scott. "To look at an option like polyamory and say 'That's not for me' is fine. To look at it and not realize you can choose it is just sad..."

i have looked at polyamory several times over the years, and wondered if the model could ever work for me. a few of the relationships i've seen and people in them, have successfully worked out [because they all do the work]. certainly, a level of honesty/respect for other partners would make this kind of [or any!] relationship healthier.

look forward to reading on-

best,
belle

MrSunshine · 12-08-2009, 09:49 AM

This has always been an interesting concept to me. I myself have reached a point in my life, maybe age, that this would work for me if the right mix came up. It's something I've thought of more in recent years anyway and wonder if it would make life/relationships easier, more enjoyable?
Look forward to hearing any stories.

Linus · 12-08-2009, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violaine

hi linus.

i found a pretty good article-

http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164

"... It's a new paradigm, certainly—and it does break some rules. "Polyamory scares people—it shakes up their world view," says Allena Gabosch, the director of the Seattle-based Center for Sex Positive Culture. But perhaps the practice is more natural than we think: a response to the challenges of monogamous relationships, whose shortcomings—in a culture where divorce has become a commonplace—are clear. Everyone in a relationship wrestles at some point with an eternal question: can one person really satisfy every need? Polyamorists think the answer is obvious—and that it's only a matter of time before the monogamous world sees there's more than one way to live and love. "The people I feel sorry for are the ones who don't ever realize they have any other choices beyond the traditional options society presents," says Scott. "To look at an option like polyamory and say 'That's not for me' is fine. To look at it and not realize you can choose it is just sad..."

i have looked at polyamory several times over the years, and wondered if the model could ever work for me. a few of the relationships i've seen and people in them, have successfully worked out [because they all do the work]. certainly, a level of honesty/respect for other partners would make this kind of [or any!] relationship healthier.

look forward to reading on-

best,
belle

Interesting. I don't know that it's a new paradigm. I think perhaps it's not a common one that most people think of because often it's associated to Mormon et al. concept of marriage. And it breaks down the traditional view of marriage and/or commitment.

I had actually been first introduced to this by K and as I investigated it more, I realized that there were a lot of things about this that made sense. When we think of our lives we love a lot of people for a variety of reasons (e.g., siblings, friends, parents, etc). We do not deny our love for them because we decide who should only love one friend or one parent or one sibling, etc. So why do we limit our deeper loves for only one? (work/busy schedule and other stuff aside).

Ultimately, I can say that the choice to be involved in a poly relationship or not is up to the person. I won't say that it's for everyone. It's not. But it can be great for many and allows a primary or a group relationship to grow well, strong and provide an avenue for support for all (something that can be challenge in a mono relationship where the partners rely on each for all support).

There are some biggies that should be parament in any relationship and it's heightened, IMO, in a poly relationship:

1. Communication.
2. Trust
3. Unconditional love
4. Honesty (both the stuff that is nice and stuff that is harsh)
5. Openness

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadyboy

This has always been an interesting concept to me. I myself have reached a point in my life, maybe age, that this would work for me if the right mix came up. It's something I've thought of more in recent years anyway and wonder if it would make life/relationships easier, more enjoyable?
Look forward to hearing any stories.

I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable?

I do believe it is about the right mix. For me, I'd love to find a B-F couple that would work with K and me (ideally loves furrkids and kidlets -- bigger the family, the better.). To me, I think it'd be the best option. For both of us, it would ideally address the desire/need for close friend for support (other than lover) as well as another to play with.

Would it be easier? I don't know. Depends on how the relationship goes and how well the five points above are met (they are needed in all relationships but definitely come out more in poly relationships). I had thought about trying to do a LD with a femme but... it didn't quite seem to work (although that might be more due to my schedule being wacky at times). K and I have discussed it and we have figured that it'd be best if it wasn't LD and if it was a couple.

Anyways.. hopefully others will post. I know of one transguy who has two wives and is very happy with that (although life has thrown a huge loop for him thanks to the economy but that's a separate issue).

Oh.. before I forget, The Ethical Slut is a great good and pretty much the poly "Bible". It's a great reference about relationships, even if you don't feel that poly is for you. I'd highly recommend it.

MrSunshine · 12-08-2009, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable?

You must have misread that Linus. I said "I wonder if it would make life/relationships more enjoyable"? I'm just a curious kinda guy

Linus · 12-08-2009, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadyboy

You must have misread that Linus. I said "I wonder if it would make life/relationships more enjoyable"? I'm just a curious kinda guy

Ok. Now I'm really confused. The quote I referred from you have above has:

It's something I've thought of more in recent years anyway and wonder if it would make life/relationships easier, more enjoyable?

Either way... it can but it can also make things more difficult. If the expectation that this will solve everything... eh. I dunno. Can it make things easier? In some ways, I think it can (there is a support system around for everyone -- kinda like the concept of a commune in the past). It should result in greater communication and more openness on relationships. A lot of it will depend on how the relationship dynamic is configured.

I do think that it can open up more love opportunities because you can keep your primary relationship while having others that meet the needs that your primary (if you a primary/secondary kind of setup) is unable to or won't meet. It doesn't mean that you love them less but rather that you love them as they are and still have those other needs (whatever they may be) met.

Hopefully that makes sense.

MrSunshine · 12-08-2009, 02:15 PM

I can see where that might seem vague. I guess I expect you to read my mind Linus. I was really just being curious out loud I suppose.
I don't see it as solving everything per se but I think if, like I said before about the right mix, was there it could be an outstanding situation.
One thing for sure is I can't do chaos. If I can't live in harmony with someone/s I would rather be alone.

Linus · 12-08-2009, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadyboy

I can see where that might seem vague. I guess I expect you to read my mind Linus. I was really just being curious out loud I suppose.
I don't see it as solving everything per se but I think if, like I said before about the right mix, was there it could be an outstanding situation.
One thing for sure is I can't do chaos. If I can't live in harmony with someone/s I would rather be alone.

Oh sure. I know quite a few great poly families where this works great.

Andrew, Jr. · 12-08-2009, 02:24 PM

I know a few poly families where it has worked for them. But the main thing is to talk about it. Communication is key.

Linus · 12-08-2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I know a few poly families where it has worked for them. But the main thing is to talk about it. Communication is key.

That's a paramount in any relationship (e.g. Friendship, family, etc.) but is highlighted in a poly one, for sure.

cara · 12-08-2009, 02:27 PM

poly is not for everyone and anyone who thinks it may make your life easier/less complicated is looking through rose-colored glasses. my experiences with poly have been mixed. at this point, i would say its not for me. however, who is to say what the future may hold? trying to keep this message short and to the point since i am posting from my phone. hugs! ~cara

Linus · 12-08-2009, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cara

poly is not for everyone and anyone who thinks it may make your life easier/less complicated is looking through rose-colored glasses. my experiences with poly have been mixed. at this point, i would say its not for me. however, who is to say what the future may hold? trying to keep this message short and to the point since i am posting from my phone. hugs! ~cara

I will agree with that although it applies to any relationship. Some times they work, sometimes.. not so much. Knowing whether it's for you or not is a good thing and an important understanding.

sharkchomp · 12-08-2009, 04:04 PM

I think one of the biggest challenges with poly relationships is being intimate with someone but not being jealous or possessive (for me). I'm sure there are other issues for people but for myself this is the biggest issue. When I am in a poly relationship I tend to keep someone at a distance to avoid my own personal hang ups (being possessive and jealous).

~~~shark~~~~~~~~

Bootboi · 12-08-2009, 04:53 PM

I once fancied myself as being able to maintain a status of poly. I quickly learned that it was more than enough emotional work to maintain a relationship with one person. I could never see myslf as poly. I'm also selfish and I dont share well with others.

hippieflowergirl · 12-18-2009, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

Interesting. I don't know that it's a new paradigm. I think perhaps it's not a common one that most people think of because often it's associated to Mormon et al. concept of marriage. And it breaks down the traditional view of marriage and/or commitment.

i think it's our north american eurocentrism that makes us believe poly relationships are "new". the majority do tend to think they've invented everything afterall. (unless they despise it of course)

Write14u · 12-20-2009, 11:38 PM

This is something I've been exploring/reading about for the past year or so. I'll tell you one thing, though. Mention it to some people and they just think you're effing nuts.
In the past year, I've learned that yep, you can deeply love more than one person at the same time, and oh yeah, if both those people want monogamy, you're, umm, just screwed.

I'm looking forward to reading more because I simply just haven't had that much exposure to people who actually are living life poly.

violaine · 12-21-2009, 12:56 AM

hi linus

i am going to respond to the sentences below in separate lines, please.

When we think of our lives we love a lot of people for a variety of reasons (e.g., siblings, friends, parents, etc).

yes, i do believe that for people with siblings/parents/friends- a variety of love can exist.

We do not deny our love for them because we decide who should only love one friend or one parent or one sibling, etc.

again, yes- but the type of relationship i would know with a parent/sibling may differ quite a lot dynamics-wise from how i relate to friends, or a person with whom i want to be close to sexually even more so than family or friendships. friendships may turn into relationships or just remain on a platonic level.

So why do we limit our deeper loves for only one? (work/busy schedule and other stuff aside).

i can only write that i would not consciously set out to place how much love exists for my relationships family/friends/partner. however, i do have a comment about "unconditional love" - in general, and as i read and relate them to your "5" below.

i have set boundaries in my relationships- family/friends/partner. not exactly unconditonal if there are lines drawn.

thinking about a poly relationship involving clear-cut conversations [defined]and mutual decision-making, et c. how do these go hand in hand with a limitless love [involving more than two people at a time] ?

i understand respect, fairness, communication- listening/talking, honesty, and so on. the term "unconditonal love" throws me because it seems [to me] there's an implication of purity/without limits/perfection/unquestionable- love.

best,
belle

There are some biggies that should be parament in any relationship and it's heightened, IMO, in a poly relationship:

1. Communication.
2. Trust
3. Unconditional love
4. Honesty (both the stuff that is nice and stuff that is harsh)
5. Openness

I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable?

I do believe it is about the right mix. For me, I'd love to find a B-F couple that would work with K and me (ideally loves furrkids and kidlets -- bigger the family, the better.). To me, I think it'd be the best option. For both of us, it would ideally address the desire/need for close friend for support (other than lover) as well as another to play with.

Would it be easier? I don't know. Depends on how the relationship goes and how well the five points above are met (they are needed in all relationships but definitely come out more in poly relationships). I had thought about trying to do a LD with a femme but... it didn't quite seem to work (although that might be more due to my schedule being wacky at times). K and I have discussed it and we have figured that it'd be best if it wasn't LD and if it was a couple.

Anyways.. hopefully others will post. I know of one transguy who has two wives and is very happy with that (although life has thrown a huge loop for him thanks to the economy but that's a separate issue).

Oh.. before I forget, The Ethical Slut is a great good and pretty much the poly "Bible". It's a great reference about relationships, even if you don't feel that poly is for you. I'd highly recommend it.

Andrew, Jr. · 12-22-2009, 04:57 PM

Hi Linus,

I think most people are capable to love many people, if they allow themself. It is a matter of being open, free from what society norms are, and enjoying yourself with many. For some, the concept is do-able. However, in reality they can't for whatever reason (boundaries of safety, religious beliefs, kids, and so on). Sometimes one partner can handle it, and then when the reality comes into play, they decide that it is something that they cannot support or participate in. No matter how much talking is done, good and bad, it still kills it.

I agree, if you mention this to most people, you get looked at like you have 3 heads. Oy.

Have you watched the series "Big Love"? Good show.

Locutus · 12-22-2009, 05:08 PM

I can totally relate. I've attempted it once or twice but have faced up to the fact that it simply doesn't work for me because I am possessive and don't share well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bootboi

I once fancied myself as being able to maintain a status of poly. I quickly learned that it was more than enough emotional work to maintain a relationship with one person. I could never see myslf as poly. I'm also selfish and I dont share well with others.

IrishGrrl · 12-22-2009, 05:15 PM

I've always wondered if being poly would be for me. I've done it, so I dont know for sure. For me, I think yes, initially I would be jealous of the other person recieving attention from my lover/partner. I think that as long as I recieved enough indivdual attention, I would get over that pretty easily. I know I wouldnt have an issue with my partner/lover having sex with someone else. I dont not equate sex with love, so once I got over the initial start of having this happen, since it's so new and different for me personally, I'd be ok. The tricky thing about poly for me..and I think if you ask the general population..alot would agree..that it's not just the act of your lover having sex with someone else..it's the idea that they may leave YOU for THEM eventually. That other person in your mind may be recieving special attention you are not. For me, that's where I get stuck..but my rational mind tells me, that you run that risk in ANY relationship..perhaps more in a monogomous one no? I dont believe humans are made to be monogomous creatures..we just arent ..it's not natural.I believe we CAN..and DO out of choice..or preference, but biologically, I think we are not meant to.

Just my personal thoughts.

edited to add..
My love is VERY conditional. You treat me like shit..or my children like shit..you're gone. Love be damned.

12-01-2009, 05:48 PM	#1
Linus The Planet's Technical Bubba How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him/Geek Relationship Status: Married to my forever! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redondo Beach, CA Posts: 5,440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,929 Thanked 10,727 Times in 3,172 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Poly Relationships So are there any others out there? What do you do to make it work? How do you address distance, if it's an issue? Share stories of success and not so successfuly poly relationships here.. and perhaps.. find others? __________________ Personal Blog \|\| [] \|\| Cigar Blog "We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass

12-08-2009, 04:04 PM	#13
sharkchomp Member How Do You Identify?: TG/stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Knoxville Posts: 426 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 419 Thanked 1,343 Times in 309 Posts Rep Power: 9701638	I think one of the biggest challenges with poly relationships is being intimate with someone but not being jealous or possessive (for me). I'm sure there are other issues for people but for myself this is the biggest issue. When I am in a poly relationship I tend to keep someone at a distance to avoid my own personal hang ups (being possessive and jealous). ~~~shark~~~~~~~~ __________________ take a fish boating

12-20-2009, 11:38 PM	#16
Write14u Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I'm easy Relationship Status: She's some kind of wonderful. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks Posts: 626 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 240 Thanked 714 Times in 325 Posts Rep Power: 759422	This is something I've been exploring/reading about for the past year or so. I'll tell you one thing, though. Mention it to some people and they just think you're effing nuts. In the past year, I've learned that yep, you can deeply love more than one person at the same time, and oh yeah, if both those people want monogamy, you're, umm, just screwed. I'm looking forward to reading more because I simply just haven't had that much exposure to people who actually are living life poly. __________________ "I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days." -- Crash Davis, Bull Durham

12-08-2009, 09:18 AM	#2
violaine Timed Out How Do You Identify?: atypical Preferred Pronoun?: plague words and phrases Relationship Status: love wise guys of the avian world Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: wekiva springs basin Posts: 3,236 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,934 Thanked 3,293 Times in 1,301 Posts Rep Power: 0	hi linus. i found a pretty good article- http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164 "... It's a new paradigm, certainly—and it does break some rules. "Polyamory scares people—it shakes up their world view," says Allena Gabosch, the director of the Seattle-based Center for Sex Positive Culture. But perhaps the practice is more natural than we think: a response to the challenges of monogamous relationships, whose shortcomings—in a culture where divorce has become a commonplace—are clear. Everyone in a relationship wrestles at some point with an eternal question: can one person really satisfy every need? Polyamorists think the answer is obvious—and that it's only a matter of time before the monogamous world sees there's more than one way to live and love. "The people I feel sorry for are the ones who don't ever realize they have any other choices beyond the traditional options society presents," says Scott. "To look at an option like polyamory and say 'That's not for me' is fine. To look at it and not realize you can choose it is just sad..." i have looked at polyamory several times over the years, and wondered if the model could ever work for me. a few of the relationships i've seen and people in them, have successfully worked out [because they all do the work]. certainly, a level of honesty/respect for other partners would make this kind of [or any!] relationship healthier. look forward to reading on- best, belle

12-08-2009, 09:49 AM	#3
MrSunshine Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The Gardner Preferred Pronoun?: Ummmm Relationship Status: Nah Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine Posts: 2,616 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,577 Thanked 3,891 Times in 1,155 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	This has always been an interesting concept to me. I myself have reached a point in my life, maybe age, that this would work for me if the right mix came up. It's something I've thought of more in recent years anyway and wonder if it would make life/relationships easier, more enjoyable? Look forward to hearing any stories.

12-08-2009, 02:15 PM	#7
MrSunshine Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The Gardner Preferred Pronoun?: Ummmm Relationship Status: Nah Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine Posts: 2,616 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,577 Thanked 3,891 Times in 1,155 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I can see where that might seem vague. I guess I expect you to read my mind Linus. I was really just being curious out loud I suppose. I don't see it as solving everything per se but I think if, like I said before about the right mix, was there it could be an outstanding situation. One thing for sure is I can't do chaos. If I can't live in harmony with someone/s I would rather be alone.

12-08-2009, 02:24 PM	#9
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I know a few poly families where it has worked for them. But the main thing is to talk about it. Communication is key.

12-08-2009, 02:27 PM	#11
cara Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer/lesbian femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: Married to my love 08.15.15 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 3,401 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,995 Thanked 13,255 Times in 2,725 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	poly is not for everyone and anyone who thinks it may make your life easier/less complicated is looking through rose-colored glasses. my experiences with poly have been mixed. at this point, i would say its not for me. however, who is to say what the future may hold? trying to keep this message short and to the point since i am posting from my phone. hugs! ~cara

12-08-2009, 04:53 PM	#14
Bootboi Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Bear Preferred Pronoun?: Mister Bear.. lol actually whatever not a big deal to me. Relationship Status: Solo sauntering along Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota Posts: 216 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 127 Thanked 327 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 2089260	I once fancied myself as being able to maintain a status of poly. I quickly learned that it was more than enough emotional work to maintain a relationship with one person. I could never see myslf as poly. I'm also selfish and I dont share well with others.

12-21-2009, 12:56 AM	#17
violaine Timed Out How Do You Identify?: atypical Preferred Pronoun?: plague words and phrases Relationship Status: love wise guys of the avian world Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: wekiva springs basin Posts: 3,236 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,934 Thanked 3,293 Times in 1,301 Posts Rep Power: 0	hi linus i am going to respond to the sentences below in separate lines, please. When we think of our lives we love a lot of people for a variety of reasons (e.g., siblings, friends, parents, etc). yes, i do believe that for people with siblings/parents/friends- a variety of love can exist. We do not deny our love for them because we decide who should only love one friend or one parent or one sibling, etc. again, yes- but the type of relationship i would know with a parent/sibling may differ quite a lot dynamics-wise from how i relate to friends, or a person with whom i want to be close to sexually even more so than family or friendships. friendships may turn into relationships or just remain on a platonic level. So why do we limit our deeper loves for only one? (work/busy schedule and other stuff aside). i can only write that i would not consciously set out to place how much love exists for my relationships family/friends/partner. however, i do have a comment about "unconditional love" - in general, and as i read and relate them to your "5" below. i have set boundaries in my relationships- family/friends/partner. not exactly unconditonal if there are lines drawn. thinking about a poly relationship involving clear-cut conversations [defined]and mutual decision-making, et c. how do these go hand in hand with a limitless love [involving more than two people at a time] ? i understand respect, fairness, communication- listening/talking, honesty, and so on. the term "unconditonal love" throws me because it seems [to me] there's an implication of purity/without limits/perfection/unquestionable- love. best, belle There are some biggies that should be parament in any relationship and it's heightened, IMO, in a poly relationship: 1. Communication. 2. Trust 3. Unconditional love 4. Honesty (both the stuff that is nice and stuff that is harsh) 5. Openness I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable? I do believe it is about the right mix. For me, I'd love to find a B-F couple that would work with K and me (ideally loves furrkids and kidlets -- bigger the family, the better.). To me, I think it'd be the best option. For both of us, it would ideally address the desire/need for close friend for support (other than lover) as well as another to play with. Would it be easier? I don't know. Depends on how the relationship goes and how well the five points above are met (they are needed in all relationships but definitely come out more in poly relationships). I had thought about trying to do a LD with a femme but... it didn't quite seem to work (although that might be more due to my schedule being wacky at times). K and I have discussed it and we have figured that it'd be best if it wasn't LD and if it was a couple. Anyways.. hopefully others will post. I know of one transguy who has two wives and is very happy with that (although life has thrown a huge loop for him thanks to the economy but that's a separate issue). Oh.. before I forget, The Ethical Slut is a great good and pretty much the poly "Bible". It's a great reference about relationships, even if you don't feel that poly is for you. I'd highly recommend it.

12-22-2009, 04:57 PM	#18
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hi Linus, I think most people are capable to love many people, if they allow themself. It is a matter of being open, free from what society norms are, and enjoying yourself with many. For some, the concept is do-able. However, in reality they can't for whatever reason (boundaries of safety, religious beliefs, kids, and so on). Sometimes one partner can handle it, and then when the reality comes into play, they decide that it is something that they cannot support or participate in. No matter how much talking is done, good and bad, it still kills it. I agree, if you mention this to most people, you get looked at like you have 3 heads. Oy. Have you watched the series "Big Love"? Good show.

12-22-2009, 05:15 PM	#20
IrishGrrl Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Leatherdyke Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: In a relationship/non-monogamous Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Fort Worth, TX Posts: 877 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 276 Thanked 1,209 Times in 366 Posts Rep Power: 2427288	I've always wondered if being poly would be for me. I've done it, so I dont know for sure. For me, I think yes, initially I would be jealous of the other person recieving attention from my lover/partner. I think that as long as I recieved enough indivdual attention, I would get over that pretty easily. I know I wouldnt have an issue with my partner/lover having sex with someone else. I dont not equate sex with love, so once I got over the initial start of having this happen, since it's so new and different for me personally, I'd be ok. The tricky thing about poly for me..and I think if you ask the general population..alot would agree..that it's not just the act of your lover having sex with someone else..it's the idea that they may leave YOU for THEM eventually. That other person in your mind may be recieving special attention you are not. For me, that's where I get stuck..but my rational mind tells me, that you run that risk in ANY relationship..perhaps more in a monogomous one no? I dont believe humans are made to be monogomous creatures..we just arent ..it's not natural.I believe we CAN..and DO out of choice..or preference, but biologically, I think we are not meant to. Just my personal thoughts. edited to add.. My love is VERY conditional. You treat me like shit..or my children like shit..you're gone. Love be damned.