Holiday Blues

[la_la]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Hi Nightshift,

Thank you for sharing. I too am a broken man (person). I am just looking inside at the world from another demension. It is just how it is. If someone had to walk in my shoes, then they too would feel the same pain I feel on a regular basis. It can't be erased or dismissed. It is. I accept it. And I am trying to move on as best I can.

Some understand this, and some don't & never will.

I wish you well, and peace.

Namaste,
Andrew

I understand.
To endure a pain so intense and constant that the option of not having to endure it becomes reality.

Peace

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Arwen

***And I aggressively seek joy. I remind myself that if I feel left out or ignored by friends it is only because they don't know that I need them. It's my responsibility to tell them I'm lonely and could use a hug or a smile.***

This is SUCH an important thing to remember! Especially during the holidays, we all have much more on our minds and are occupied with a million things...it's even more difficult to notice that a friend and/or loved one is feeling especially blue or having a real hard time. It takes courage to reach out and say, "Hey, I need some help/time/attention/etc now" but when they do, we will respond.

Originally Posted by Niteshift

Totally opposite of my usual yearly vow to not go anywhere remotely shopping oriented after the day before Thanksgiving I went this last weekend to the big city...not really, but much larger than the tiny little town in which I am currently located.

I drove 70 miles, not aware of what day it was--as Niteshift is not just a name, it is a way of life, I often am a bit confused as to what Day I'm actually experiencing. The last weekend before that big day...the day that all proudly and in bright lights proclaim that "Jesus is the reason for the season y'all!" on a tiny sign nearly hidden behind large power-air inflated Santa, Frosty, Rudolph, the Grinch and various other Christmas icons. One of the last days to run out and buy things not needed for people that are not necessarily even liked. To purchase cheap toys that will be broken in less than the time it took to buy them. And the shouted "Charge (it)" to be echoed throughout the coming year.

Okay. Stop. Deep breath. I went for my massage...aaahhhh, sweet relief. Nathan has amazing hands with a nearly innate sense of where I hide the little stress boulders in my shoulders and back. Late lunch at a little restaurant with a book to keep me company. Fantastic waitress...making eye contact, smiling and at my request made a not the most expensive item on the menu suggestion. The chicken avocado sandwich was superb. The apple pie a la mode with caramel...amazing.

Okay so what does my Saturday have to do with the holidays and specifically holiday blues? Even though I'm a long way from home, I trying to be happy. I treated myself to the massage (I work hard and a lot)...I tipped Nathan well. Leisurely lunch. I smiled and chatted with the waitress and tipped well. While driving around and trying to decide when den of madness to go into to find a potential gift, the automatic doors opened and out comes the influx of the latest people that have put down their money and are admiring their purchases and not paying attention to the four wheeled death machines that wander around parking lots. Driving slowly anyway, I stopped...the lady walked by and just happened to glance up and see me...the "oh shit, I've just stepped out in front of a vehicle" look crossed her face and I just smiled and waved her on across...she smiled back and mouthed "thank you". The other folks having just parked their own chariot amble across and I flash the same "Merry Christmas" smile back at them. Guess what, they smiled and waved too. Throughout the shopping day (about an hour, all told---sorry, I just can't take it) I maintained my positive attitude, tamping down frustration and impatience. Once I made to Anthony the cashier, I made eye contact and smiled at him as well, made small talk.

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't but I like to think that on a stressful seasonal holiday day for anyone employed in the service industry my few moments of kindness may have made a difference in their day. I know that when I'm at work it does for me.

World peace. Ending hunger. And all the other lofty goals spouted by Miss America contestants are nice and I do hope that one day they come true. However, for now, I hope that knowing someone is thinking warm thoughts of you will suffice.

As a former graveyard shifter, I understand the "what day is it NOW?" mentality. I've done my best this season not to let the traffic, lines or other annoyances get to me. I have been patient in parking lots and have given up the only available parking spot at the post office, causing me to park two parking lots over and walk my packages in, but I was okay with that. The person who wound up taking the spot needed to be closer than I did. I have yet to grumble about the lines or time it takes to ring people up (I've worked retail and customer service during this season, so I've been on both sides of the situation) and I dare say, like you, I've given people that momentary "Oh!" and I'd like to think that sometime later they passed it forward.

Originally Posted by purepisces

Andrew, I think of you when I read these words:

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places.”
~ Ernest Hemingway

Even though you are suffering personally, I see you continuously reaching out to lift others up, to comfort them, to help them find the peace that eludes you. There is such a beautiful strength in that.

I hope that you and all who are suffering today find a moment of peace.

A note about broken things, Andrew. Do you know that when a bone is broken, say a rib, that it heals stronger and thicker than before? One might think it'd be a weak spot, but it's just the reverse. Interesting, yes?

I just knew all those hours of watching CSI would come in handy for something!

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Gemme

It takes courage to reach out and say, "Hey, I need some help/time/attention/etc now" but when they do, we will respond.

So true! Those who truly are your friends will always respond even if it is with "I can't right now but I hear you and I am thinking of you."

I got hit with a really bad "bluesy" feeling tonight. Was in the grocery store getting stuff to make to take to a friend's for Christmas dinner and heard "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and realized I won't.

I nearly cried in the darn store for pete's sake. It's just that I want to be with my family right now. I want to watch my niece open up her presents. I want to hear my sisters in the kitchen laughing. I want to see their husbands watching the games on TV.

I miss that fiercely right now.

I'll be fine. I have plans that day. I won't be alone but even if I were, it would be okay. I kinda like my own company.

And I have crazy gifts to unwrap including one from some Apple state!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Arwen

So true! Those who truly are your friends will always respond even if it is with "I can't right now but I hear you and I am thinking of you."

I got hit with a really bad "bluesy" feeling tonight. Was in the grocery store getting stuff to make to take to a friend's for Christmas dinner and heard "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and realized I won't.

I nearly cried in the darn store for pete's sake. It's just that I want to be with my family right now. I want to watch my niece open up her presents. I want to hear my sisters in the kitchen laughing. I want to see their husbands watching the games on TV.

I miss that fiercely right now.

I'll be fine. I have plans that day. I won't be alone but even if I were, it would be okay. I kinda like my own company.

And I have crazy gifts to unwrap including one from some Apple state!

I am right there with you, Arwen.

Lately, I've been connecting more with my bestie from school and childhood and all that jazz and the more we email back and forth, the more I smell the smell of her mom's (my "adopted" mom) house and hear all the noise from her brothers on the computer and father complaining about everything and feeling the kitties winding their way around our legs as we stand in a line in the galley kitchen, swaying slightly while on one foot (it's so strange...one starts and we all fall into synch naturally...it's been that way since Jen and I were in 7th grade)....with music in the background and her son, my heart nephew, babbling at the table.

It's been so long, he's not in a high chair anymore. He's a big boy who's in advanced classes taking his studies in not only English, but Spanish too. I can't believe the boy is already 7. Time flies...

But I feel that pull when we talk. I know that pull. It's strong and sweet and painful, simultaneously.

I've made a family with those that I currently reside. I'd like to think that, if nothing else, in time we'll still be exchanging holiday and birthday cards but I know that they aren't my true family and we won't be flying cross country to meet with one another year after year. But they are my family RIGHT NOW. And they've opened their home and lives to me and let me share their beautiful pups and that is a wonderful thing. Not everyone would. So, I honor them in their act of kindness to me.

Though I am not with those that I feel intrinsicly linked, I am with those who have a place for me in their hearts and I shall make a place for them as well.

Next year will be different, but I will still remember them.

btw, you can't confirm that the gifts are crazy until you actually unwrap them, silly girl.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Gemme,

You are right about broken bones. Yep, CSI follower here too. Let me ask this...how does a guy say those words without looking like an idiot? I had someone tell me that before. That I had to get up, get dressed, and get going each and every day. Well, I do. I have my furkids to take care of, plus my outdoor animals. In addition to my obligations to my Parish. It was as if my life really did not matter, and I had no place. I was beyond astonished. And the woman who told me this is quite popular. That is what made it even more surprising to me.

Arwen,

I was in the grocery store the other day with Rosie. I sat on the bench in the front of the store. I sat next to a man who was out of place. His wife was shopping. He was severely depressed because his daughter came out as a lesbian, and his wife was thrilled with the news, and he was devistated. His wife was a therapist, and he was a stockbroker. He said that he wanted to walk his little girl down the aisle. I told him he could, but he looked at me like I had 3 heads. I think how you take in each major event in life affects your soul. You can forgive, and move on, but you just never forget it. Like when my father beat me. I will never forget that.

[Cowboi]

Originally Posted by Arwen

So true! Those who truly are your friends will always respond even if it is with "I can't right now but I hear you and I am thinking of you."

I got hit with a really bad "bluesy" feeling tonight. Was in the grocery store getting stuff to make to take to a friend's for Christmas dinner and heard "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and realized I won't.

I nearly cried in the darn store for pete's sake. It's just that I want to be with my family right now. I want to watch my niece open up her presents. I want to hear my sisters in the kitchen laughing. I want to see their husbands watching the games on TV.

I miss that fiercely right now.

I'll be fine. I have plans that day. I won't be alone but even if I were, it would be okay. I kinda like my own company.

And I have crazy gifts to unwrap including one from some Apple state!

Happy Holidays Bella!!! I was hoping that you would make it home for a day or too!! Look forward to seeing you!

Insert <BIG HUG> here!!!! LoL

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Gemme

But I feel that pull when we talk. I know that pull. It's strong and sweet and painful, simultaneously.

snip
btw, you can't confirm that the gifts are crazy until you actually unwrap them, silly girl.

Perfectly put! I refuse to dwell on the unhappy stuff. One of my primary lessons this year has been that it's not all about me. And I actually like that.

Also, grin, I know the giver of one of the gifts so I feel safe in saying CRAZY. phbbt!

Originally Posted by Cowboi

Happy Holidays Bella!!! I was hoping that you would make it home for a day or too!! Look forward to seeing you!

Insert <BIG HUG> here!!!! LoL

Darlin, me too! I was hoping to get some Cowboi time. Wasn't meant to be though. Hopefully next year. I've already put in for some Christmas vacation time.

Did they do the flotilla this year? I used to LOVE that! Box sliding on the levee and hot chocolate. grin

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Perfectly put! I refuse to dwell on the unhappy stuff. One of my primary lessons this year has been that it's not all about me. And I actually like that.

Also, grin, I know the giver of one of the gifts so I feel safe in saying CRAZY. phbbt!

Well, how in heck am I supposed to argue with logic like THAT???

Merry Everything and Happy Infinity to YOU!!!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Happy Holidays Everyone!