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Old 12-23-2010, 08:12 AM   #1
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Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly View Post
What a week!

My daughter had to go to CVS to pick up a couple of things, and as it was raining I took her over to the store. While I was there I thought I would pick up my Christmas cards to my Honey and my daughter; that was where Amy found me, standing in front of the greeting cards sobbing my heart out because I will never buy my Mom another card. Ever.

It is the unexpected things like that where I am reminded once again of how much I lost when she left us.
I understand this totally! I had a similar melt down about shopping because I wasn't shopping for my brother.


((((((((((You))))))))))))

My head knows this will get better....it just doesn't feel that way right now, does it?

Have a good holiday when you can!
-Mr. Moon
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Old 12-23-2010, 09:03 AM   #2
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I understand this totally! I had a similar melt down about shopping because I wasn't shopping for my brother.


((((((((((You))))))))))))

My head knows this will get better....it just doesn't feel that way right now, does it?

Have a good holiday when you can!
-Mr. Moon

Thank you very much, you are very thoughtful for thinking of me during this most incredibly hard time for you and your family.

Many blessings to you and yours, with hope for a peaceful and healing New Year.
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Old 12-24-2010, 12:38 PM   #3
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Me again....

I just wanted to let this out before I explode...

Today has been a pretty damn awful day.

I can't get myself out of this ... whatever.

and, I figured some of you understand this.

But, I wrapped the gifts, got the food and will pack the car and the dog and go to my parents....

I hope tomorrow is better....but somehow...I really doubt that.

I wish you all a Happy Holiday. Love each other....

xo's,
-Mr. Moon
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Old 12-27-2010, 02:00 PM   #4
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Me again....

I just wanted to let this out before I explode...

Today has been a pretty damn awful day.

I can't get myself out of this ... whatever.

and, I figured some of you understand this.

But, I wrapped the gifts, got the food and will pack the car and the dog and go to my parents....

I hope tomorrow is better....but somehow...I really doubt that.

I wish you all a Happy Holiday. Love each other....

xo's,
-Mr. Moon
I hope you are doing better, and that you made it through the Holiday okay. {{Mr. Moon}}

Blessings
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Old 12-28-2010, 11:15 AM   #5
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When my older sister died from cancer a little over 2 years ago, it hit me hard. There are alot of firsts that I remember...the first Christmas, JoAnn was gone and couldn't help decorate her home, the first birthday celebration of her youngest son - and she not present to help get bake his cake, and make a fantastic meal and invite oodles of people over to celebrate.

Death is forever. It changes everything about how I live life now. Her presence is felt. And she does live in her children, and how she raised them until she died. I can see her in them. The color of their hair, the smile, the simple hand gestures, and sometimes laughing I feel like it is her because of how similar it sounds.

So yes, I do understand. Remember we are just passing thru this life for the next.

I hope you all find some comfort and peace.

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Old 12-28-2010, 03:49 PM   #6
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Andrew, I can not believe it has been three years since your sister died. It was so hard for you. It's amazing to me that somehow we live through that kind of deep grief.

My beloved husband of 25 years died seven years ago this morning. I was up most of last night crying. This year has been much harder than the last few death anniversaries. I had never dated since his death until the last year or so. I dated two people casually, just for companionship. Then I met a very nice FTMan and was briefly engaged. For several months now I have been doing the long distance thing with a wonderful butch that is just such a big part of my heart.

I think the problem this year is that I AM dating. I feel like I am leaving my darling behind and it is tearing me up. I want to have a new love, I want to be happy again. But even after all these years I do not understand how the one I loved so much for so long is gone from my life. He was too young to die. He did not live to see our four childern grow up. And now we have a grand son that he will never see. He loved babies so much. We would immediately move toward any friend or family member in a room who had a baby and just be so fascinated and enthralled by it. Before you knew it he was walking around the room carrying the baby, chattering away to the baby and doing his best to make it laugh. Our grandson is missing alot not having him in his life.

The new love of my life is so wonderful. I called hym in the middle of the night and woke hym from a sound sleep (hy was actually even sick and had had a hard time going to sleep.) Hy woke right up and talked to me for hours until I felt better and thought I might be able to sleep. Hy called again this morning to make sure I was OK. Hy is so good about my life before we met. Hy wants to know all about my hubby and our life together. Hy is not jealous, but say hy loves hubby because he took such good care of me and made me happy.

I don't know what the future holds for us. We are both in our 60's and have homes of our own on opposite sides of the country. We are both willing to relocate, so that is a good thing. I want to be with hym. That is all I know so far. He makes me laugh and he has brought happiness back in to my life.

DomnNC says:

However that doesn't mean there isn't room for someone new and when it's right it will just happen, that's all there is to it. Whoever that person is will have to accept my wife as well because I refuse to act/live as if I never had a life or love before them, she was part of who made me who I am today.

I agree completely with this statement. There is much I love about my new love, but the fact that he is so wonderful about the first love of my heart has won him a permanent place in my heart, and hopefully a permanent place in my life as well.

Blessings to all of you who are moving through these holiday with the empty spaces in your lives. I wish you peace, and an eventual return to joy.

Smooches,
Keri
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Old 12-28-2010, 07:20 PM   #7
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Hey Keri,

Yes, grief is very strange indeed. To me it is like waves of the ocean. Some are huge just crashing ashore, and then some are very small - so small that you can barely see them ripple. None the less, they are there.

After JoAnn died, my stepfather died from heart failure in May of that year. A year before, I buried my adopted mother (Altzheimer's Disease on New Year's Eve). It has been very hard because I was involved in each one's life and death. I had to help them die with grace, and inner peace. I hope and pray that I did give them that.

The one thing I did was go to Grief Share. It is a support group for people who are grieving. By far it was the very best thing I ever could have done for myself. I recommend it to anyone who is Christain because it is based on Christain beliefs & values. If someone is not Christain (ie: Pagan, Jewish, Hindhu, Islamic, and so on) where they can go or what support groups are open to them to help them heal.

Life is good. Just very hard & very unfair in my opinion. I will never understand how some people just have all the luck in the world, and every door is open to them. Others just struggle.

Peace to all,
Andrew
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