Dating "non single" people

WheelieStrong · 12-24-2010, 09:58 AM

hi, thank you for all your replies, i beleive every single one of you have made good points!

I guess my ex has a lot to do with this too.. We still live together (she is also my paid care staff) although we haven't been a couple for many years, some friends beleive she is the reason i seem to attract or be attracted to non single folk, one example i was given is, my friend beleived if i went for a non single person, they couldn't (apparently) expect me to change my living situation etc.

i know for sure my ex is the reason i posted here instead of talking to an in the flesh person.. i know for sure that even though she likes the chap i am seeing, she is so obviously jealous (which i don't understand).. i don't want to talk to her about this, which normally i would cause all my friends are online..

But that would be rubbing her nose in the situation, right?

And i worry about telling her anything less than flattering about my situation as she already has the power to make my life a living hell!!!

i don't want her to have anything to use against this chap!

i am trying to get therapy, just waiting to hear back from the relivent people

Deborah · 12-24-2010, 10:10 AM

You obviously realize this isnt acceptable or attractive behavior or you wouldnt have posted....if you are unable to afford therapy or want to try another route...look into Codependents Anonymous, free meetings and can go or do online just about anytime...there may be some self esteem issues or other things that cause you to choose these types of relationships....just a sugestion

citybutch · 12-24-2010, 10:14 AM

I think you just answered your own question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WheelieStrong

hi, thank you for all your replies, i beleive every single one of you have made good points!

I guess my ex has a lot to do with this too.. We still live together (she is also my paid care staff) although we haven't been a couple for many years, some friends beleive she is the reason i seem to attract or be attracted to non single folk, one example i was given is, my friend beleived if i went for a non single person, they couldn't (apparently) expect me to change my living situation etc.

i know for sure my ex is the reason i posted here instead of talking to an in the flesh person.. i know for sure that even though she likes the chap i am seeing, she is so obviously jealous (which i don't understand).. i don't want to talk to her about this, which normally i would cause all my friends are online..

But that would be rubbing her nose in the situation, right?

And i worry about telling her anything less than flattering about my situation as she already has the power to make my life a living hell!!!

i don't want her to have anything to use against this chap!

i am trying to get therapy, just waiting to hear back from the relivent people

Sachita · 12-24-2010, 11:27 AM

I'm pretty open-minded and monogamy doesnt work for some people. Deception is a whole other matter and in situations where it is present it brews the worse krama of all. Someone is going to get hurt bad. As citybutch said, "you answered your own question." In my experience ex's complicate things but it sounds like its complicated enough without that.

If a person cheats they will do it again imo

Ebon · 12-24-2010, 11:31 AM

If he's cheating with you emotionally or physically and you guys get together he's going to do the same thing to you. You will become her. I know you probably won't listen but you should stay away. What begins in chaos ends in chaos. I feel bad for his girl that is just not cool.

Daywalker · 12-24-2010, 12:20 PM

Funny, you know yourself so well...yet you don't.

Ever watched TV shows where someone sticks their hand in a Gators mouth?

And you think, why would they do that?
Then, they get bit.

The next week, there they are sticking their
hand in the Gators mouth again.

And you say to yourself...why in thee hell are they
still doing that when they know they gonna get bit?

Marinate on that one for a while.

Oh, and Merry Groovy Holidays.

The_Lady_Snow · 12-24-2010, 12:36 PM

Happy Holidays!

Good luck figuring out if you want to be cheating, a cheater or whatever happens as long as you can look in the mirror at yourself and be ok then I say go for it. It's all shady from this standpoint, but in reality you are going to do what you want and where your desires and lusts take you. In the end it's about being able to look in that mirror and say, I live right, I can walk with my head held proud and I sleep well at night.

Invictus · 12-24-2010, 01:21 PM

To put my humble opinion on your situation briefly...
Are you out of your mind?

To expand upon my thoughts further...

First, your "ex" is your caregiver. The line between personal and professional relationship seems to be only one of the issues involved. An "ex" as an employee is never comfortable for anyone.

Second...thats what you are, second in someone's life. If you are willing to settle for 2nd place so be it. Remember though, that 2nd place is 1st loser.

WheelieStrong · 12-24-2010, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

In the end it's about being able to look in that mirror and say, I live right, I can walk with my head held proud and I sleep well at night.

Not to sound all dramatic or anything, i mean this from within my heart..
i don't remember ever being proud to be me, and sleeping at night is a major issue.

i just worry i'm never going to be a good person, no matter what!

weatherboi · 12-24-2010, 02:25 PM

hi folks!!! Happy holidays!!!

i have read thru this thread and am guessing the partner doesn't know you are in the picture. So I am basing my response on this.

i am wondering what the impact on trust issues amoungst peers we create from these kinds of situations in our queer culture. people more than once and I also have been third party witness to enough shady online and real time behavior that i wonder these kinds of things. i mean what if the other guy was potentially a candidate to be a really great friend? What kinda friend bridges are destroyed by feeding into these behaviors?

12-24-2010, 10:10 AM	#2
Deborah Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme Preferred Pronoun?: Babydoll is a start.... Relationship Status: Mrs. Livingston 4/20/2013 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville where my heart belongs... Posts: 611 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,451 Thanked 1,454 Times in 276 Posts Rep Power: 14676215	You obviously realize this isnt acceptable or attractive behavior or you wouldnt have posted....if you are unable to afford therapy or want to try another route...look into Codependents Anonymous, free meetings and can go or do online just about anytime...there may be some self esteem issues or other things that cause you to choose these types of relationships....just a sugestion __________________ "Slow to trust but I'm quick to love, I push too hard and I give too much, I aint saying I'm perfect, but I promise I'm worth it" "The Good Within Me Honors The Good Within You"

12-24-2010, 11:27 AM	#4
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,992 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I'm pretty open-minded and monogamy doesnt work for some people. Deception is a whole other matter and in situations where it is present it brews the worse krama of all. Someone is going to get hurt bad. As citybutch said, "you answered your own question." In my experience ex's complicate things but it sounds like its complicated enough without that. If a person cheats they will do it again imo __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

12-24-2010, 11:31 AM	#5
Ebon Senior Member How Do You Identify?: With my souls eyes. Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: lol Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Here Posts: 3,476 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,524 Thanked 11,142 Times in 2,757 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	If he's cheating with you emotionally or physically and you guys get together he's going to do the same thing to you. You will become her. I know you probably won't listen but you should stay away. What begins in chaos ends in chaos. I feel bad for his girl that is just not cool. __________________ In Lak'ech Ala K'in I'm a Soul Rebel http://wannabereverend.wordpress.com/ Spirituality is not a belief system or ideology, it is the surrender of one's ego to the infinite wisdom and knowledge that is the universe.

12-24-2010, 12:20 PM	#6
Daywalker Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Hippy Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: * Posts: 3,750 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,499 Thanked 11,916 Times in 2,700 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Funny, you know yourself so well...yet you don't. Ever watched TV shows where someone sticks their hand in a Gators mouth? And you think, why would they do that? Then, they get bit. The next week, there they are sticking their hand in the Gators mouth again. *And you say to yourself...why in thee* hell are they still doing that when they know they gonna get bit? Marinate on that one for a while. Oh, and Merry Groovy Holidays.** __________________ www.SirDaywalker.com

12-24-2010, 12:36 PM	#7
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Happy Holidays! Good luck figuring out if you want to be cheating, a cheater or whatever happens as long as you can look in the mirror at yourself and be ok then I say go for it. It's all shady from this standpoint, but in reality you are going to do what you want and where your desires and lusts take you. In the end it's about being able to look in that mirror and say, I live right, I can walk with my head held proud and I sleep well at night. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

12-24-2010, 09:58 AM	#1
WheelieStrong Junior Member How Do You Identify?: transman on Wheels Preferred Pronoun?: his, him, he, bitch, MINE lol Relationship Status: Hopeful, longing aching for her touch Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Stafford England Posts: 97 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 264 Thanked 142 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 57546	hi, thank you for all your replies, i beleive every single one of you have made good points! I guess my ex has a lot to do with this too.. We still live together (she is also my paid care staff) although we haven't been a couple for many years, some friends beleive she is the reason i seem to attract or be attracted to non single folk, one example i was given is, my friend beleived if i went for a non single person, they couldn't (apparently) expect me to change my living situation etc. i know for sure my ex is the reason i posted here instead of talking to an in the flesh person.. i know for sure that even though she likes the chap i am seeing, she is so obviously jealous (which i don't understand).. i don't want to talk to her about this, which normally i would cause all my friends are online.. But that would be rubbing her nose in the situation, right? And i worry about telling her anything less than flattering about my situation as she already has the power to make my life a living hell!!! i don't want her to have anything to use against this chap! i am trying to get therapy, just waiting to hear back from the relivent people

12-24-2010, 01:21 PM	#8
Invictus Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 298 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 140 Thanked 344 Times in 165 Posts Rep Power: 1681235	To put my humble opinion on your situation briefly... Are you out of your mind? To expand upon my thoughts further... First, your "ex" is your caregiver. The line between personal and professional relationship seems to be only one of the issues involved. An "ex" as an employee is never comfortable for anyone. Second...thats what you are, second in someone's life. If you are willing to settle for 2nd place so be it. Remember though, that 2nd place is 1st loser.

12-24-2010, 02:25 PM	#10
weatherboi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Owned boy Preferred Pronoun?: Hey boy!!! Relationship Status: counting freckles slowly under Her direction!!! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: i have 2 sets of geographic coordinates!!! Posts: 6,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,797 Thanked 12,549 Times in 2,993 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	hi folks!!! Happy holidays!!! i have read thru this thread and am guessing the partner doesn't know you are in the picture. So I am basing my response on this. i am wondering what the impact on trust issues amoungst peers we create from these kinds of situations in our queer culture. people more than once and I also have been third party witness to enough shady online and real time behavior that i wonder these kinds of things. i mean what if the other guy was potentially a candidate to be a really great friend? What kinda friend bridges are destroyed by feeding into these behaviors?