Married/Partnered Planeteers - Combining Your Life

[Lynn]

We officially combined households almost four years ago. I bought and moved into a small house and then, a few months later, my partner moved in.

We are still figuring out how to work with our stuff. Her's, mine, and our's. We've gotten rid of so much, and yet the basement and garage are still full of things we are having trouble parting with. Boxes of things we might use or need.... Things we can hardly remember we even have, but we *need* them.

Our styles are pretty complementary. We both tend toward casual and lived-in. I've always wanted to have my home feel like a vacation house, and that meshes well with Candy's rustic, Adirondack cabin style. I have granted myself the last word on most decorating choices, though, and recently drew the line at putting the bobble head doll of the local news anchorman on the mantle. Sadly, though, he now lives in the entertainment center. We got him when we contributed to an animal rescue foundation, so he apparently must stay.

The most challenging thing about moving in and getting rid of stuff has been the awareness that it makes the possible task of untangling our lives much more daunting. Not that we want to do that, but I am acutely aware that this can happen, and the separating of stuff is as traumatic as the separating of people--it's kind of the metaphor.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Medusa

So I'm organizing the house today and was thinking about how Jack and I combined our lifestyles when we moved in together and was curious how it worked for other folks.

If you live with your partner, let's talk about the process of combining "stuff", decorating together (or separately), what worked for you and what didn't, etc.
If one of you is more messy than the other, how do you deal?
Were your routines similar or did you have to come up with a new routine together?
Did one of you have a collection that was the bane of the other person's existence?

Talk to me, baby!

In theory, I won the partner lottery. Ebon is extremely laid back and will go with just about any flow.

Notice I said in theory. We do have very different styles, in just about every area. I'm more matchy matchy and neat and tidy and he's more it's there and it's good. He's less concerned with house chores than I am. I'm anal retentive about...everything. I have tons 'o stuff (I'm a sentimentalist.) and he is more minimalist. I'm very...particular....about things in general and he's still got some fratboy in him. As laid back as he is, I'm wound just that tight. Most of the time, we balance out pretty well. Sometimes, we don't.

When I moved in with him I tried to not mess with his stuff too much as it was a lovely butch cave, but it just became a THING with me. For example, his dishes were displayed on a short bookcase and his kitchen cabinets were, literally, empty. That ate at me until I finally said I had to do something about it. He gave me the go ahead to do whatever I needed to do to feel comfortable.



A few days later, after pulling out every box in the apartment and repacking and reorganizing things....both his and mine....washing all the dishes and putting them into the cabinets and putting general STUFF on the bookcase (as nature intended it to be)....beginning the slow blend of his and mine into 'his and mine and ours' because some things are just inherently non-blendable....rearranging his furniture a few times....and so on....I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It's far from perfect but it's fine for now.

Both of us are really excited to be moving into a new place that will be ours, chosen by both of us and, hopefully, have enough room so that we can have common areas as well as our own 'space' to reenergize. Two solitary (aka privacy and personal space loving) people living in a 300 sq ft apartment is not an easy achievement, but I think we're doing pretty damn good thus far.