Pressure to "prove" yourself?

PumaJ · 02-25-2011, 12:59 AM

I was thinking about this subject, again today whilst giving myself a pedicure and then a manicure. I realized that I have already been just saying I'm Queer, if someone asks.

Thinking back, it seems I really stated to claim Queer back in October. I did so in response to a 20 something Bi guy who was flirting with me. He was being very playful about it, not obnoxious in any way, but after a while I just got tired of dealing with it. So, I finally told him that although I was truly and deeply flattered by his interest, he could save his breath because, "I'm Queer and I'm not into men."

His response was, "Really? You don't look Queer. No wait a minute... I don't know. Since I've moved out here to Hollywood, I never know who is what anymore. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

All I could do is laugh, really. He did looked quite flummoxed. I then informed him that yes I do look Queer because I am Queer. I am a Femme Lesbian, therefore, I look like a Lesbian:-) He didn't really understand what I was stalking about at first regarding Femme. I had to explain it to him. There wasn't any issue or problem, he was just under-informed.

It really is about busting the stereotypes held about Lesbians and Gay Men, I think.

AtLast · 03-07-2011, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PumaJ

I was thinking about this subject, again today whilst giving myself a pedicure and then a manicure. I realized that I have already been just saying I'm Queer, if someone asks.

Thinking back, it seems I really stated to claim Queer back in October. I did so in response to a 20 something Bi guy who was flirting with me. He was being very playful about it, not obnoxious in any way, but after a while I just got tired of dealing with it. So, I finally told him that although I was truly and deeply flattered by his interest, he could save his breath because, "I'm Queer and I'm not into men."

His response was, "Really? You don't look Queer. No wait a minute... I don't know. Since I've moved out here to Hollywood, I never know who is what anymore. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

All I could do is laugh, really. He did looked quite flummoxed. I then informed him that yes I do look Queer because I am Queer. I am a Femme Lesbian, therefore, I look like a Lesbian:-) He didn't really understand what I was stalking about at first regarding Femme. I had to explain it to him. There wasn't any issue or problem, he was just under-informed.

It really is about busting the stereotypes held about Lesbians and Gay Men, I think.

I have had some very tough conversations about "queer." think that this has mostly been due to generational interpretations. Queer to someone in my generation or older always brings up it meaning gay men, only. Yikes! And it is amazing how often I can still run into people that just can't (or won't) see a woman as lesbian if she is "feminine."

Yes, bust those stereotypes!

smouldering · 03-15-2011, 06:49 AM

I haven't really had to "prove" myself as being queer, but I am always assumed straight if I am out alone. Back when I was a tad younger I did have a couple instances where butches would approach me, thinking I was straight, and then when they found out i was already on their team.. they weren't so interested anymore *shrugs* but thats really as far as its gone for me, minus men flirting anyway lol.

Andrew, Jr. · 03-15-2011, 01:50 PM

I feel very much alone in that I am not able to prove anything to anyone. I am just me. What is inside just never comes out right or it comes out ass backwards. I will let my angels, Guardian Angel, St. Michael, and St. Jude fight my battles for me. I really have no other means of fighting any battles.

In the meantime, I will continue on being just me.

proximitywithoutintimacy · 03-19-2011, 05:02 PM

I pretty much "look straight." At least, according to everyone I know, haha. It's frustrating because sometimes I contemplate hacking my hair off - not that I'd really do it, because I've been growing my hair out way too long to ruin it - but just the fact that it would make a difference is kind of ridiculous

02-25-2011, 12:59 AM	#1
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 500 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652642	I was thinking about this subject, again today whilst giving myself a pedicure and then a manicure. I realized that I have already been just saying I'm Queer, if someone asks. Thinking back, it seems I really stated to claim Queer back in October. I did so in response to a 20 something Bi guy who was flirting with me. He was being very playful about it, not obnoxious in any way, but after a while I just got tired of dealing with it. So, I finally told him that although I was truly and deeply flattered by his interest, he could save his breath because, "I'm Queer and I'm not into men." His response was, "Really? You don't look Queer. No wait a minute... I don't know. Since I've moved out here to Hollywood, I never know who is what anymore. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." All I could do is laugh, really. He did looked quite flummoxed. I then informed him that yes I do look Queer because I am Queer. I am a Femme Lesbian, therefore, I look like a Lesbian:-) He didn't really understand what I was stalking about at first regarding Femme. I had to explain it to him. There wasn't any issue or problem, he was just under-informed. It really is about busting the stereotypes held about Lesbians and Gay Men, I think. __________________ PumaJ

03-15-2011, 06:49 AM	#3
smouldering Member How Do You Identify?: Punky girly girl, glittery femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, etc. Relationship Status: Single, Recovering Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,288 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,306 Thanked 3,974 Times in 924 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I haven't really had to "prove" myself as being queer, but I am always assumed straight if I am out alone. Back when I was a tad younger I did have a couple instances where butches would approach me, thinking I was straight, and then when they found out i was already on their team.. they weren't so interested anymore shrugs but thats really as far as its gone for me, minus men flirting anyway lol. __________________ ~~Smouldering~~ Suit the action to the word, the word to the action. ~William Shakespeare

03-15-2011, 01:50 PM	#4
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I feel very much alone in that I am not able to prove anything to anyone. I am just me. What is inside just never comes out right or it comes out ass backwards. I will let my angels, Guardian Angel, St. Michael, and St. Jude fight my battles for me. I really have no other means of fighting any battles. In the meantime, I will continue on being just me.

03-19-2011, 05:02 PM	#5
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	I pretty much "look straight." At least, according to everyone I know, haha. It's frustrating because sometimes I contemplate hacking my hair off - not that I'd really do it, because I've been growing my hair out way too long to ruin it - but just the fact that it would make a difference is kind of ridiculous