Trans Men and Butches Raising Femme Daughters.

Bard · 02-28-2011, 01:49 PM

My Goose is now 7 going on 17 at times I swear and me I have worried about this a bit as I have never been feminine in my life and my ex well she is the childs bio mm and she is more I guess andro. Abby is a smart advanced child I want her to make her own way with all the support her Mommie and I can give and love unconditional love. But abby has Desd to look to as well and she does they talk makeup nails and all that sort that I just don't get I will be going shopping with my goose being her support no mater what like I said she is advanced and calls desd her step mom she loves and excepts us all just as we are and we do the same So I think we are doing something right

tuffboi29 · 02-28-2011, 06:27 PM

What beautiful responses.

Even though I get begged into all the pretty little things, I've tried to maintain the "girls can do anything a bay can do" motto.

She has her big trucks (pink lol) for the sandbox. I took her once to the hardware store so she could have her own tools to help me with small jobs around the house. I'll be damned if they didn't have a pink tool box with pink tiny tools. They even had tiny pink mechanics gloves. We got those "'Cause I don't like when my hands get all nasty!!!

She's definitely not going to be on the side of the road with a flat waiting for a tow truck. LOL

I'm hoping to give her the skills to be completely self sufficient and let her maintain her "princess status" so to speak.

I raised two boys for quite some time in their lives. I had no problems teaching them the "boys don't hit girls, hold the doors open for ladies, ect".
I grew up watching my father's mannerisms closely, so I think for me it was "easier" to bring them up as strong young gentlemen.

I think I'm just nervous because it was easier for me with the boys. I don't fake my excitement when she gets excited over things. I tell her how nice her new haircut looks and the clothes she gets. I've sat in on the tea parties.
What worries me is those teen years are coming on so fast and I'm starting to find myself a little lost. And who the hell is Eye Carly???

I don't know...I just want to do right by her and if I have to form a dang femme troupe of my own to help her get through the transition into womanhood I guess that's what I'm going to do.

princessbelle · 02-28-2011, 07:22 PM

Wow what a beautiful thread and what beautiful encouragement and advice you have been given.

As very much a girly girl who raised boys, i can sympathize with your worries.

I had the opposite issues. How do i raise boys when i know NOTHING about them. It is quite ironic, don't you think? But it also opens a world to us we don't know about and it gives us the oportunity to grow and inspire and be inspired to parent those of the *opposite* sex if you will or at least of the *opposite* gender.

It is a great experience and i believe you are, have and will continue to do a wonderful job. The most important thing is that your heart is in the right place. Your faith in your child is 110% and that you give quality of time.

I had the "pleasure" of becoming boy scout leader. Yes, me. At first the 15 boys in the troup were not very pleased with me teaching them to to make pot holders and cute Christmas ornaments. But, i read the manuals, i reached out for help and i worked at it. They ended up wanting me back the next year. I hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them.

Then there was grammer school. Anytime there was a field trip I went. It never failed that i was always assigned to 5-10 boys to keep up with due to me having boys and the teachers would give parents of girls ...girls and those of boys...boys. Logical, but gosh i was out of my element. Again i hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them.

Teenage years....oh my. Girls, cars, Girls. It was strange being the mother of boys and hearing their versions of things i could remember going through on the opposite side of the fence. Dances....."mom, cindy wants me to ask her to the dance but i really would prefer going with tonya." "Mom, i have a crush on susan how can i tell if she likes me". "do you think it is time i get Julie a ring?" Birds and bees talks, birth control talks, std talks....All sorts of things. I hung in there, i listened, and I learned from them.

Now, grown men. One married, both in college. They are respectable, proud of their gay mom, voting citizens, spiritual, compassionate, wonderful sons that love their momma. I won't go on and on about how proud i am...but you get the point. Did i make mistakes? OMG yes.

The very best advice i can give you is this:
Be the parent that is there for her when she needs a friend, but always be the parent .

You are doing great. You will get through it. The years you are going through right now are over in an instant. Cherish all you can. Reach out when you need to....we all need it sometimes.
Breath.
Hang in there, listen and learn from her.

Butchlei · 10-09-2011, 03:37 AM

I am the proud Dadda of 3 girls. My two oldest are 9 and 6 ... and yes they are girly girls. Lets say that last year we went to Disney for their birthdays (2 days apart) so they could dress up as princesses and have Brunch in the castle with all the "real" princesses. I get the question every morning from my oldest: " Dadda how do I look? "

The one thing I know is that they are unique ... my 6 year old wanted to cut her hair and has now a boy cut ... she said she didnt want to bother "doing her hair" every morning ... she loves playing with dirt and climbing trees ... Kids at school started to tease her that she looked like a boy ... she didn't blink ... she told them she was a girl ... teasing was over ...

Do I worry? Not really .... i know they are their own person ... with their own personalities ... I just love them just the way they are .... the same way they love me ... Dadda ... the butch .... who sometimes looks "handsome" but not "pretty" ... LOL

Now we have a 4 month old ... she looks like a bold old man without teeth ... can't wait to see her grow ....makes me smile thinking about it .... i just feel blessed for the opportunity of being part of the miracle of life !

02-28-2011, 01:49 PM	#1
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	My Goose is now 7 going on 17 at times I swear and me I have worried about this a bit as I have never been feminine in my life and my ex well she is the childs bio mm and she is more I guess andro. Abby is a smart advanced child I want her to make her own way with all the support her Mommie and I can give and love unconditional love. But abby has Desd to look to as well and she does they talk makeup nails and all that sort that I just don't get I will be going shopping with my goose being her support no mater what like I said she is advanced and calls desd her step mom she loves and excepts us all just as we are and we do the same So I think we are doing something right __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

02-28-2011, 06:27 PM	#2
tuffboi29 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..in the queer deffinition of the queer meaning of the queer word... Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. SuperTuff Relationship Status: Things happen... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 483 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 894 Thanked 684 Times in 293 Posts Rep Power: 93006	What beautiful responses. Even though I get begged into all the pretty little things, I've tried to maintain the "girls can do anything a bay can do" motto. She has her big trucks (pink lol) for the sandbox. I took her once to the hardware store so she could have her own tools to help me with small jobs around the house. I'll be damned if they didn't have a pink tool box with pink tiny tools. They even had tiny pink mechanics gloves. We got those "'Cause I don't like when my hands get all nasty!!! She's definitely not going to be on the side of the road with a flat waiting for a tow truck. LOL I'm hoping to give her the skills to be completely self sufficient and let her maintain her "princess status" so to speak. I raised two boys for quite some time in their lives. I had no problems teaching them the "boys don't hit girls, hold the doors open for ladies, ect". I grew up watching my father's mannerisms closely, so I think for me it was "easier" to bring them up as strong young gentlemen. I think I'm just nervous because it was easier for me with the boys. I don't fake my excitement when she gets excited over things. I tell her how nice her new haircut looks and the clothes she gets. I've sat in on the tea parties. What worries me is those teen years are coming on so fast and I'm starting to find myself a little lost. And who the hell is Eye Carly??? I don't know...I just want to do right by her and if I have to form a dang femme troupe of my own to help her get through the transition into womanhood I guess that's what I'm going to do. __________________ "Today we would pass through the scenes of our youth like travelers. We are burnt up by hard facts; like tradesmen we understand distinctions, and like butchers, necessities. We are no longer untroubled - we are indifferent. We might exist there; but, should we really live there?" ~Erich Maria Remarque "All Quiet on the Western Front" http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._4605968_n.jpg

02-28-2011, 07:22 PM	#3
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Wow what a beautiful thread and what beautiful encouragement and advice you have been given. As very much a girly girl who raised boys, i can sympathize with your worries. I had the opposite issues. How do i raise boys when i know NOTHING about them. It is quite ironic, don't you think? But it also opens a world to us we don't know about and it gives us the oportunity to grow and inspire and be inspired to parent those of the opposite sex if you will or at least of the opposite gender. It is a great experience and i believe you are, have and will continue to do a wonderful job. The most important thing is that your heart is in the right place. Your faith in your child is 110% and that you give quality of time. I had the "pleasure" of becoming boy scout leader. Yes, me. At first the 15 boys in the troup were not very pleased with me teaching them to to make pot holders and cute Christmas ornaments. But, i read the manuals, i reached out for help and i worked at it. They ended up wanting me back the next year. I hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them. Then there was grammer school. Anytime there was a field trip I went. It never failed that i was always assigned to 5-10 boys to keep up with due to me having boys and the teachers would give parents of girls ...girls and those of boys...boys. Logical, but gosh i was out of my element. Again i hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them. Teenage years....oh my. Girls, cars, Girls. It was strange being the mother of boys and hearing their versions of things i could remember going through on the opposite side of the fence. Dances....."mom, cindy wants me to ask her to the dance but i really would prefer going with tonya." "Mom, i have a crush on susan how can i tell if she likes me". "do you think it is time i get Julie a ring?" Birds and bees talks, birth control talks, std talks....All sorts of things. I hung in there, i listened, and I learned from them. Now, grown men. One married, both in college. They are respectable, proud of their gay mom, voting citizens, spiritual, compassionate, wonderful sons that love their momma. I won't go on and on about how proud i am...but you get the point. Did i make mistakes? OMG yes. The very best advice i can give you is this: Be the parent that is there for her when she needs a friend, but always be the parent . You are doing great. You will get through it. The years you are going through right now are over in an instant. Cherish all you can. Reach out when you need to....we all need it sometimes. Breath. Hang in there, listen and learn from her. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

10-09-2011, 03:37 AM	#4
Butchlei Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Lan Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 13 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 39 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 609405	I am the proud Dadda of 3 girls. My two oldest are 9 and 6 ... and yes they are girly girls. Lets say that last year we went to Disney for their birthdays (2 days apart) so they could dress up as princesses and have Brunch in the castle with all the "real" princesses. I get the question every morning from my oldest: " Dadda how do I look? " The one thing I know is that they are unique ... my 6 year old wanted to cut her hair and has now a boy cut ... she said she didnt want to bother "doing her hair" every morning ... she loves playing with dirt and climbing trees ... Kids at school started to tease her that she looked like a boy ... she didn't blink ... she told them she was a girl ... teasing was over ... Do I worry? Not really .... i know they are their own person ... with their own personalities ... I just love them just the way they are .... the same way they love me ... Dadda ... the butch .... who sometimes looks "handsome" but not "pretty" ... LOL Now we have a 4 month old ... she looks like a bold old man without teeth ... can't wait to see her grow ....makes me smile thinking about it .... i just feel blessed for the opportunity of being part of the miracle of life !