"You're Not A Lesbian......" So Annoying!

PumaJ · 03-04-2011, 02:54 AM

It seems that some folks just can't see past stereotypes, even in our community and in the Queer community in general.

I've never been hassled or told I'm not a Lesbian, or am too Femme to be a Lesbian by anyone in the communities I've hung out in. There have been a few hetero guys who've had some trouble wrapping their brains around the concept over the years and recently a young Bi guy questioned me. But, overall I've not gotten the "you're not a Lesbian" accusation from others within the community. Maybe it is living on the West Coast that makes the diff, IDK.

Within a couple to three years of coming out, I got hassled a bit by some of the radical lesbian feminists in my outer circle about being "too femme". They didn't like that I wore mascara. The Dykes who were really Butches never hassled me, and the "older" Butches and Femmes encouraged me.

greeneyedgrrl · 05-26-2011, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PumaJ

I've never been hassled or told I'm not a Lesbian, or am too Femme to be a Lesbian by anyone in the communities I've hung out in. There have been a few hetero guys who've had some trouble wrapping their brains around the concept over the years and recently a young Bi guy questioned me. But, overall I've not gotten the "you're not a Lesbian" accusation from others within the community. Maybe it is living on the West Coast that makes the diff, IDK.

def not the west coast that makes the diff... i've been told by heteros i'm too "femme" to be a lesbian, that it's just a phase.. haha

and i've been told by b/f i'm not "femme" enough or i'm not "femme" in the right way. i am so glad that THEY don't get to decide.

NJFemmie · 05-26-2011, 04:58 AM

I think EVERY lesbian has experienced the "you're not a lesbian" theory at some point in their lives. Point blank, no one can tell you how and what to feel, and especially can't tell you who you should have those feelings for ...
so, rock on lesbian.

Dare to be yourself - whoever that may be.

Lillie · 05-26-2011, 09:15 AM

As a Femme who is out at work I don't usually get the shock and awe look!..HOWEVER..when I first came out at work no one would believe me

some made ignorant statements like "no way..you have kids..you know you love cock"

..others would say "but your so limited sexually"

When I told the straight chicks that it is them who are limited sexually you could see their wheels turning..lol..it shut them up and I am sure that there were some very happy husbands that night! lol. Either way the only statement about "your not a lesbian" or "your only a lesbian because of" (insert traumatic even of your chosing here) bothers me more than anything else said to me by straight folks.. I was abandoned by my mother so therefore I seek a womans companionship..that one gets me everytime!..

gives credence to "ignorance is bliss" I guess.

have a great Hump day!

atomiczombie · 05-26-2011, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lillie

As a Femme who is out at work I don't usually get the shock and awe look!..HOWEVER..when I first came out at work no one would believe me

some made ignorant statements like "no way..you have kids..you know you love cock"

..others would say "but your so limited sexually"

When I told the straight chicks that it is them who are limited sexually you could see their wheels turning..lol..it shut them up and I am sure that there were some very happy husbands that night! lol. Either way the only statement about "your not a lesbian" or "your only a lesbian because of" (insert traumatic even of your chosing here) bothers me more than anything else said to me by straight folks.. I was abandoned by my mother so therefore I seek a womans companionship..that one gets me everytime!..

gives credence to "ignorance is bliss" I guess.

have a great Hump day!

Wow, sounds like some of the comments made to you at work constitute sexual harassment.

starryeyes · 05-27-2011, 08:58 PM

Yes, yes, yes. This happens all the time. Even at Queer events. How could I possibly be a Lesbian!? I dress nice, I wear heels, I wear make up, and I have designer bags. I am just a faghag... yeah that's it! And, I get this the most from our butches, unfortunately **frown**

I have used this as an opportunity to educate... that's all we can do!

Love to you all!
Starry

03-04-2011, 02:54 AM	#1
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 500 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652642	It seems that some folks just can't see past stereotypes, even in our community and in the Queer community in general. I've never been hassled or told I'm not a Lesbian, or am too Femme to be a Lesbian by anyone in the communities I've hung out in. There have been a few hetero guys who've had some trouble wrapping their brains around the concept over the years and recently a young Bi guy questioned me. But, overall I've not gotten the "you're not a Lesbian" accusation from others within the community. Maybe it is living on the West Coast that makes the diff, IDK. Within a couple to three years of coming out, I got hassled a bit by some of the radical lesbian feminists in my outer circle about being "too femme". They didn't like that I wore mascara. The Dykes who were really Butches never hassled me, and the "older" Butches and Femmes encouraged me. __________________ PumaJ

05-26-2011, 04:58 AM	#3
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,420 Times in 2,976 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I think EVERY lesbian has experienced the "you're not a lesbian" theory at some point in their lives. Point blank, no one can tell you how and what to feel, and especially can't tell you who you should have those feelings for ... so, rock on lesbian. Dare to be yourself - whoever that may be. __________________

05-26-2011, 09:15 AM	#4
Lillie Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: babygirl,princess,her, that girl, she! but mostly just "babygirl" Relationship Status: single Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: In the land of milk and honey!.. Posts: 358 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 406 Thanked 473 Times in 181 Posts Rep Power: 454632	As a Femme who is out at work I don't usually get the shock and awe look!..HOWEVER..when I first came out at work no one would believe me some made ignorant statements like "no way..you have kids..you know you love cock" ..others would say "but your so limited sexually" When I told the straight chicks that it is them who are limited sexually you could see their wheels turning..lol..it shut them up and I am sure that there were some very happy husbands that night! lol. Either way the only statement about "your not a lesbian" or "your only a lesbian because of" (insert traumatic even of your chosing here) bothers me more than anything else said to me by straight folks.. I was abandoned by my mother so therefore I seek a womans companionship..that one gets me everytime!.. gives credence to "ignorance is bliss" I guess. have a great Hump day! __________________ *Lillie* *The most expensive jewels I ever wore around my neck was my child's arms* http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z...orizontal3.jpg http://s338.photobucket.com/albums/n...sexy/00033.gif

05-27-2011, 08:58 PM	#6
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,052 Times in 2,076 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Yes, yes, yes. This happens all the time. Even at Queer events. How could I possibly be a Lesbian!? I dress nice, I wear heels, I wear make up, and I have designer bags. I am just a faghag... yeah that's it! And, I get this the most from our butches, unfortunately frown I have used this as an opportunity to educate... that's all we can do! Love to you all! Starry