Ask a trans person!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I have enjoyed this thread a great deal. I am a quiet guy. I rarely get pissed off, but I cannot stand it when I get ma'amed. Remember Linus in the smoke shop? I introduced myself as Andrew. I live as a man. And still I get ma'amed. It grated on my nerves like fingernails being drug across a chalk board.

Oh well. I say live and let live. However, like Linus, I love mankind, but have issues with people (mainly the ones who are disrespectful and intentionally evil). But that is just me, and how I am. I'm a private person as well. Too many times I have tried to be open, and was hurt deeply. So, I won't be that way ever again. I have learned my lesson.

I am right with you when I comes to being "ma'amed" And when I am with a female, being called "ladies", etc. My ex-wife continues to use female pronouns when referring to me. Grr! This is why I am so looking forward to going on T (which will probably begin after the first of this year). I feel invisible. It's painful.

That being said, I worry about how I will be perceived after transition. Will I be shunned but the queer community as no longer being part of the tribe? Will femmes no longer be interested? Will my queerness be invisible? I don't consider myself straight- no because I am attracted to masculine people. I am not. But because I am attracted to femmes. Femmes aren't straight women. I have little interest in straight women. Does that make me a jerk? I hope not. But will I trade being seen as a female for no longer being seen as queer when I go on T?? What is your experiences guys? Do any of you feel the same?

[Jet]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I am right with you when I comes to being "ma'amed" And when I am with a female, being called "ladies", etc. My ex-wife continues to use female pronouns when referring to me. Grr! This is why I am so looking forward to going on T (which will probably begin after the first of this year). I feel invisible. It's painful.

That being said, I worry about how I will be perceived after transition. Will I be shunned but the queer community as no longer being part of the tribe? Will femmes no longer be interested? Will my queerness be invisible? I don't consider myself straight- no because I am attracted to masculine people. I am not. But because I am attracted to femmes. Femmes aren't straight women. I have little interest in straight women. Does that make me a jerk? I hope not. But will I trade being seen as a female for no longer being seen as queer when I go on T?? What is your experiences guys? Do any of you feel the same?

Do you talk to your therapist? How about joing a support group of transmen.
Just as we aren't attracted to women as women, it's also my belief that there are femmes who are attracted to masculine energy but not in biological men. We're in luck in finding potential partners on the same page.

My biggest worry is what bathroom do i use. I worry about not passing enough to make it to the men's room.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

My biggest worry is what bathroom do i use. I worry about not passing enough to make it to the men's room.

For my first 3 months on T I still used women's washroom (never got chased out). I then gradually began using unisex washrooms (usually family washrooms at airports or Starbucks when out in public). I then used men's washrooms. Besides the cleaniness factor (men's washrooms are a sty at times), most men don't pay attention. If you go in there with purpose and direction, no one stops you. And I sit every time. No one has ever challenged me on that.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Do you talk to your therapist? How about joing a support group of transmen.
Just as we aren't attracted to women as women, it's also my belief that there are femmes who are attracted to masculine energy but not in biological men. We're in luck in finding potential partners on the same page.

My biggest worry is what bathroom do i use. I worry about not passing enough to make it to the men's room.

I do see a therapist, and I have been to the san francisco support group, although I now live 2 hours away and that is not easy for me to make it. But I am talking to people and this forum is one of the resources I am utilizing.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Oh Linus, you can ask me to do or say anything. I appreciate you, and your advice. I feel like you are my brother.

Jet, I use a pissing packer. I still am working on the aim situation. For the life of me, I just cannot figure it out, and end up with pee down my leg, all over my boxers, and pants. I feel like such a to sum it up.

Drew & Bit, You are right about being shunned by the glbt community. I get alot of slack because I don't fit in. I am never in the "in" crowd for whatever reason. I have a tbi that causes me to have a host of neurological health issues. I am on meds, but no surgery or anything else can "cure" my health problems. When you have a head injury, that is it. You are injured for life.

[Blue]

I can remember coming out as lesbian and being shunned by straights.

I can remember coming out as butch and being shunned by lesbians.

I can remember coming out in leather and being shunned by both.

There will always be people out there who will shun, run, fear and try to bully others because it is their nature to bully. The good news is there are plenty of humans out there who will connect with you on a variety of levels from the intimate to the professional and everything in between and they will come from all corners of human experience. Some will need a little time to get their equalibrium. I always give new aquaintenances a bit of slack because I realize that their world might not be as wide as mine. However, life is short and I don't waste my time on anyone who either cannot get over it or are making me uncomfortable with the effort of acting like they are doing me some sort of favor even interacting with me (or playing the 'Look at me! I am so open minded' self delusion). Nasty bigots can just bugger off IMHO. In the end, it is always my choice. It's me who gets to pick and chose who I want to trust and be close to.

I always pass these days. I have an aquaintenance (straight man) who referred to Jenny and I as 'ladies'. It was rather touching because he always treats me with respect and seemed to want to let me know that he 'gets' me even though Jenny always calls me 'he'...LOL. He has shifted now, but it was for a good year. He never meant to offend me...but people looked at him really funny because some of them genuinely didn't know.

Just my 2p (Oh, and Trans works for me. It covers just about everything)

Blue

P.S. What? No spell check??????

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Jet, I use a pissing packer. I still am working on the aim situation. For the life of me, I just cannot figure it out, and end up with pee down my leg, all over my boxers, and pants. I feel like such a to sum it up.

*Smiling wide*

[Linus]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I am right with you when I comes to being "ma'amed" And when I am with a female, being called "ladies", etc. My ex-wife continues to use female pronouns when referring to me. Grr! This is why I am so looking forward to going on T (which will probably begin after the first of this year). I feel invisible. It's painful.

That being said, I worry about how I will be perceived after transition. Will I be shunned but the queer community as no longer being part of the tribe? Will femmes no longer be interested? Will my queerness be invisible? I don't consider myself straight- no because I am attracted to masculine people. I am not. But because I am attracted to femmes. Femmes aren't straight women. I have little interest in straight women. Does that make me a jerk? I hope not. But will I trade being seen as a female for no longer being seen as queer when I go on T?? What is your experiences guys? Do any of you feel the same?

From my experience the following:

I never really felt part of the "Tribe", so to speak although the B-F dynamic did certainly feel more at peace than elsewhere.

Some in the community will shun you. That's a reality. You'll be viewed as a "traitor", so to speak. But just as many will accept you as you are. There are many femmes who like transguys so I don't think you'll be without and you'll likely be very interesting to them.

As for your queerness, invisible to whom? If to yourself, then no. You're the one who defines that, not others. I don't consider myself straight although to mainstream society that doesn't know me I probably do. That is their assumption (we all know that to assume makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me" so one shouldn't do those thigns but people do). Regardless of their assumption, I still define my own sexual orientation.

Would you be a jerk for not wanting to date blond-haired women? I don't think so. It shows your own preferences in a partner, that special "thing" that attracts you to someone.

Remember that the whole transition is the most important selfish thing you have determined you need to do. Everything else will come or not but it doesn't change your core self.

[greeneyedgrrl]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I feel invisible. It's painful.

i can definitely identify with that! i am invisible in the queer community as well as the hetero community.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

That being said, I worry about how I will be perceived after transition. Will I be shunned but the queer community as no longer being part of the tribe? Will femmes no longer be interested? Will my queerness be invisible? I don't consider myself straight- no because I am attracted to masculine people. I am not. But because I am attracted to femmes. Femmes aren't straight women. I have little interest in straight women. Does that make me a jerk? I hope not. But will I trade being seen as a female for no longer being seen as queer when I go on T?? What is your experiences guys? Do any of you feel the same?

i think all this depends on where you are and who you are interacting with. i hope that the queer community is are evolved enough that you find acceptance more often than not. i know we have both here, althugh i like to think we are moving in a trans-positive direction. and no i don't think it makes you a jerk...we can't help who we're attracted to.. but (being a queer femme) maybe i'm biased!