Grieving

Sparkle · 03-17-2011, 03:25 PM

My father is dead.
And I feel nothing, or maybe I feel a whole lot of empty. I'm not sure.

He was a truly terrible father; he did some unconscionable things.
He wasn't a good person, either.
He was a stunted broken child in an over grown body.

And he died alone.

This kind of grief - is strange.
I've lost too many people whom I love greatly, who filled my life with love and happiness. He wasn't one of them.
This is different. weird. oppressive in its emptiness.

Andrew, Jr. · 03-23-2011, 02:37 PM

Dear Sparkle,

I am lifting you and your family up in prayer. I can understand how you feel. If you ever want to post more about your Dad, please feel free too.

You have my deepest sympathies,
Andrew

DamselFly · 04-08-2011, 06:53 AM

may all experiencing the death of a family member, esp. that of an parent, be comforted! the conflicting emotions, be they grief, anger, emptiness, whatever, can be overwhelming and confusing! esp. if that parent was abusive or impaired in some other manner, find a safe person with whom you can talk, vent, voice whatever you are feeling-whenever you feel up to doing so! when my father died, the reaction of my family was to throw ME away...literally! i was not told when he died, where he died, where he was buried. i was not invited to the funeral, nor given anything from his estate. all i had wanted was his beloved guitar. in addition to grieving the loss of a father, i was faced with the loss of my entire family. that was over 15 years ago. to this day, no-one has responded to any phone calls, email, snailmail, any attempts by me to do whatever I could to heal this breach. no-one even let me know WHY this happened. my brother has a family of his now who do not even know i exist. i have a niece and others who have lost, through no doing of their own, a person who would have been a wonderful aunt! i have been lucky enough to have found wise and compassionate people (therapists and friends) to help me sort and handle my feelings over this then and whenever they arise again unexpectedly to knock me off my emotional balance. use whatever means will give you comfort and health. be compassionate towards both those who hurt you AND, most importantly, towards yourself!
namaste, my friends,
DamselFly

DamselFly · 04-08-2011, 07:11 AM

i don't know if this is the thread where i should post this but could find no-other. i have received more devastating news regarding my sight, or lack thereof. when i went to see the glaucoma specialist Wed (at the best eye clinic in the state, part of the OU medical complex in OKC), he told me that since i was seen a month ago, i have lost another 5% of my optic nerve in my right eye. my vision is now severely restricted in both eyes-i have 10% of my optic nerve in my L eye and 5% in my R eye. he said at this point, surgery is not an option, all i can do is to retain what little vision i have left for as long as possible. blindness is inevitable. i am learning braille and attempting to decide where the best place would be for me to live as a vision-impaired person. i am also consulting w/ my dr about the advisabilty of getting a service dog now. anyone out there have similar vision problems? if so, please get in contact w/me!
namaste and gassho,
DamselFly

MsTinkerbelly · 04-08-2011, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkle

My father is dead.
And I feel nothing, or maybe I feel a whole lot of empty. I'm not sure.

He was a truly terrible father; he did some unconscionable things.
He wasn't a good person, either.
He was a stunted broken child in an over grown body.

And he died alone.

This kind of grief - is strange.
I've lost too many people whom I love greatly, who filled my life with love and happiness. He wasn't one of them.
This is different. weird. oppressive in its emptiness.

I loved my father so much, yet when he died I felt nothing....empty. It took a year almost and a stupid song on the radio triggered my grief.

Be good to yourself, and feel what you feel....none of it is wrong

LeftWriteFemme · 04-10-2011, 07:33 AM

I don't have a lot to say other than, it's been a week and I'm still here and today that has to be enough.

Andrew, Jr. · 04-10-2011, 09:29 AM

It has been 31 years since my younger brother died by suicide. I have mixed emotions. Some years this date just flies by, and other years I have to take a step back and think on it.

I wish all who are here much peace and love.

Andrew

MsTinkerbelly · 04-12-2011, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

I don't have a lot to say other than, it's been a week and I'm still here and today that has to be enough.

Yes, sometimes just breathing is the very best any of us can do.

I am so very sorry for your loss

MsTinkerbelly · 06-03-2011, 10:08 AM

I am having a really tough time today with my Mom's loss....She and my Dad promised Amy that they would be there to see her graduate, come to find out she is grieving so badly she doesn't care whether she graduates or not!

How could I be so blind to her suffering?

CherylNYC · 06-03-2011, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I am having a really tough time today with my Mom's loss....She and my Dad promised Amy that they would be there to see her graduate, come to find out she is grieving so badly she doesn't care whether she graduates or not!

How could I be so blind to her suffering?

The following is a hard thing for a grown adult to access, and even harder for a young person:

Sometimes things happen that are utterly out of our control. We can make promises that we're prevented from keeping, and it's not anyone's fault.

Fairness has absolutely nothing to do with it. If life was fair there are all sorts of politicians who would be dead, and our loved ones would still be here with us. Those who seek fairness in mortality will never find it, nor will they find peace.

I hope you and your daughter find solace. Please don't blame yourself for your daughter's suffering. It's natural to want to shield her, but she has her own journey. We each have to grieve in our own way, and it can be consuming.

choochoo-enginerd · 08-19-2011, 09:29 PM

With gratitude I find a thread exists about such heartfelt and pervasive issues. As I scroll through the posts, inevitably I recognize a commmon thread. Whether 2 months, five years or more, those of us who have lost someone with whom we were deeply connected continue to grieve however vocal or silent. I have asked myself on some days if the open hearted grief would dissipate, and over time the frequency of overwelming sadness lessened, a couple years following. Thank you to those who have shared their feelings and stories, and some day soon I shall unfold mine. Appreciating the present and gifts life's path provides upon occasion is the heightened realization at which I have arrived.

03-17-2011, 03:25 PM	#1
Sparkle Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please Relationship Status: Loved Up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Western MA Posts: 2,183 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,001 Thanked 6,555 Times in 1,553 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My father is dead. And I feel nothing, or maybe I feel a whole lot of empty. I'm not sure. He was a truly terrible father; he did some unconscionable things. He wasn't a good person, either. He was a stunted broken child in an over grown body. And he died alone. This kind of grief - is strange. I've lost too many people whom I love greatly, who filled my life with love and happiness. He wasn't one of them. This is different. weird. oppressive in its emptiness. __________________ I am made of stars

04-08-2011, 06:53 AM	#3
DamselFly Member How Do You Identify?: QueerStoneFemme Preferred Pronoun?: Ma'am or Damsel Relationship Status: single Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: hovering here and there Posts: 259 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,053 Thanked 771 Times in 199 Posts Rep Power: 396593	the death of family members.... may all experiencing the death of a family member, esp. that of an parent, be comforted! the conflicting emotions, be they grief, anger, emptiness, whatever, can be overwhelming and confusing! esp. if that parent was abusive or impaired in some other manner, find a safe person with whom you can talk, vent, voice whatever you are feeling-whenever you feel up to doing so! when my father died, the reaction of my family was to throw ME away...literally! i was not told when he died, where he died, where he was buried. i was not invited to the funeral, nor given anything from his estate. all i had wanted was his beloved guitar. in addition to grieving the loss of a father, i was faced with the loss of my entire family. that was over 15 years ago. to this day, no-one has responded to any phone calls, email, snailmail, any attempts by me to do whatever I could to heal this breach. no-one even let me know WHY this happened. my brother has a family of his now who do not even know i exist. i have a niece and others who have lost, through no doing of their own, a person who would have been a wonderful aunt! i have been lucky enough to have found wise and compassionate people (therapists and friends) to help me sort and handle my feelings over this then and whenever they arise again unexpectedly to knock me off my emotional balance. use whatever means will give you comfort and health. be compassionate towards both those who hurt you AND, most importantly, towards yourself! namaste, my friends, DamselFly __________________ so long as space remains so long as sentient beings remain i will remain in order to help, to serve, to make my own contribution (Buddhist prayer, a favorite of H.H.)

04-08-2011, 07:11 AM	#4
DamselFly Member How Do You Identify?: QueerStoneFemme Preferred Pronoun?: Ma'am or Damsel Relationship Status: single Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: hovering here and there Posts: 259 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,053 Thanked 771 Times in 199 Posts Rep Power: 396593	grieving for myself... i don't know if this is the thread where i should post this but could find no-other. i have received more devastating news regarding my sight, or lack thereof. when i went to see the glaucoma specialist Wed (at the best eye clinic in the state, part of the OU medical complex in OKC), he told me that since i was seen a month ago, i have lost another 5% of my optic nerve in my right eye. my vision is now severely restricted in both eyes-i have 10% of my optic nerve in my L eye and 5% in my R eye. he said at this point, surgery is not an option, all i can do is to retain what little vision i have left for as long as possible. blindness is inevitable. i am learning braille and attempting to decide where the best place would be for me to live as a vision-impaired person. i am also consulting w/ my dr about the advisabilty of getting a service dog now. anyone out there have similar vision problems? if so, please get in contact w/me! namaste and gassho, DamselFly __________________ so long as space remains so long as sentient beings remain i will remain in order to help, to serve, to make my own contribution (Buddhist prayer, a favorite of H.H.)

04-10-2011, 07:33 AM	#6
LeftWriteFemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Jersey Posts: 16,642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,529 Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	I don't have a lot to say other than, it's been a week and I'm still here and today that has to be enough. __________________ Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait .........Hope you enjoy it! ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work Click on flashing smilie to see my website To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat

04-10-2011, 09:29 AM	#7
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Friday It has been 31 years since my younger brother died by suicide. I have mixed emotions. Some years this date just flies by, and other years I have to take a step back and think on it. I wish all who are here much peace and love. Andrew

03-23-2011, 02:37 PM	#2
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Dear Sparkle, I am lifting you and your family up in prayer. I can understand how you feel. If you ever want to post more about your Dad, please feel free too. You have my deepest sympathies, Andrew

06-03-2011, 10:08 AM	#9
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,908 Times in 5,019 Posts Rep Power: 0	I am having a really tough time today with my Mom's loss....She and my Dad promised Amy that they would be there to see her graduate, come to find out she is grieving so badly she doesn't care whether she graduates or not! How could I be so blind to her suffering?

08-19-2011, 09:29 PM	#11
choochoo-enginerd Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: ------she they Relationship Status: ————— Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the locomotive from seattle to portland to seattle to portland to seattle and back...dichromatic Posts: 192 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 163 Thanked 286 Times in 75 Posts Rep Power: 2075017	Acknowledgement.... With gratitude I find a thread exists about such heartfelt and pervasive issues. As I scroll through the posts, inevitably I recognize a commmon thread. Whether 2 months, five years or more, those of us who have lost someone with whom we were deeply connected continue to grieve however vocal or silent. I have asked myself on some days if the open hearted grief would dissipate, and over time the frequency of overwelming sadness lessened, a couple years following. Thank you to those who have shared their feelings and stories, and some day soon I shall unfold mine. Appreciating the present and gifts life's path provides upon occasion is the heightened realization at which I have arrived.